DEAR ABBY: With the holidays here, songs about Santa and his reindeer are filling the air. I'm writing to talk about reindeer antlers. Reindeer are unique because they are the only members of the deer family in which both genders have antlers, which are made of bone and grown annually.

In the summer and fall, you cannot identify a reindeer as a "he" or a "she" without further investigation. In late December, however, only the females still have their antlers.

During the summer months, the males use their antlers to attract females and defend their harem (anywhere from five to 15 females) from other males. When they are no longer "looking for love," the males lose their antlers. The females, on the other hand, keep theirs through the winter and into the spring, and use them to compete for food and to protect their young.

The only reindeer with antlers at Christmastime are the GIRLS, Abby. So Rudolph would have been appropriately named "Rudolphia," and the other reindeer would have been laughing and calling HER names until the glow from HER nose guided Santa's sleigh that foggy Christmas eve. -- JOYCE CAMPBELL, PH.D.

DEAR DR. CAMPBELL: Fascinating. This clearly explains why Santa doesn't get lost at Christmas. Females are never reluctant to ask for directions ... ho, ho, ho.

DEAR ABBY: I demonstrate products in a supermarket. It isn't easy, and sometimes I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.

Will you please tell parents that if we do not give their children samples of food, it is for their own good. We don't know what kind of food allergies their children may have. The company I work for will fire us if we give samples to children without a parent first giving permission. -- TRYING HARD IN TULSA, OKLA.

DEAR TRYING HARD: You have my sympathy, and I'm pleased to pass along your message. I recently read that food allergies among children are on the rise, and that 4 percent of kids today suffer from one. The policy your company is enforcing is for everyone's protection and should not be misinterpreted. It's in place so that no one's little angel gets sick or has an allergic reaction.

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my husband and I were visiting a remote area in the mountains. We were on a narrow, winding road with no shoulder and a guardrail on one side. There was traffic in both directions. As we ambled along, we heard a siren. An ambulance came up behind us and rode our tail, blasting the horn, obviously urging us to let him by.

Although we looked and looked, we could not find a safe place to pull over for several minutes. When we finally did find a space to pull into, the crew threw us dirty looks as they drove by.

I hate to think we endangered someone's life or made the EMTs' job more difficult, but it seemed equally dangerous for us to move into a lane of oncoming traffic. What is the proper etiquette for this type of situation? -- RACHAEL IN ATLANTA

DEAR RACHAEL: When approached by a vehicle with a siren and a flashing red light, a driver should pull as far to the right as possible and stop. Because there was no place for you to pull over, you should have done exactly what you did -- which was to proceed at a safe rate of speed until you found one.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are involved in a power struggle with my brother. At Christmas we invite him and his family to our home. We try to make our Christmas dinner fun and festive, so a lot of planning goes into the menu.

Every year, a day or two before the event, my brother calls to ask what's on the menu, then offers his unwanted opinion on what we should or shouldn't serve.

Last year he told me he wouldn't be able to enjoy the meal because we weren't serving one of the items he feels is "traditional" in our family. He says he's family so he's entitled to make suggestions. When I was unwilling to accommodate his "simple" request, he got upset. I'm on the verge of not inviting his family in the future. Who is right? -- OFFENDED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OFFENDED: You are. Your brother may be family, but his behavior is childish and impolite. When he calls this year and starts the drill, if he tells you he doesn't think he will enjoy the meal if he can't dictate the menu, serve him a dose of reality. Tell him that your menu is already set and if he wants something in addition he can prepare it and bring it with him -- or make other plans.

DEAR ABBY: When my in-laws moved to town, we exchanged keys in case of emergencies. The problem is they never call prior to using our key. Although they do nice things, like dropping off gifts or plants, when I see something on the counter that wasn't there before I left home, I feel invaded. They drop off these "presents" specifically when no one is home.

Abby, they are retired and could drop things off when we are home and the children can see them and visit with them.

I was taught not to use a key unless specifically instructed to do so or for an emergency. My neighbors and I have called regarding perishables that need to be dropped off, so why can't family? My husband thinks my feelings are off base and that family is forgiven for almost everything. Please advise, as I am about to change the locks. -- INVADED IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR INVADED: Before changing the locks, have a chat with your in-laws and explain that coming home and finding things that weren't there when you left makes you uncomfortable. Tell them you would prefer they not come in without giving you prior notice. Your feelings are valid, and your husband might feel similarly if it was your parents coming in rather than his. If your wishes are disregarded, then change the locks.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a dispute between me and my husband. I became upset when we were discussing an idea having to do with his job and he immediately began texting it to a co-worker. I find it offensive when someone looks at his (or her) cell phone rather than at me while we're talking.

My husband says if you text someone during a conversation that it's not an interruption and "it only takes a second." I say texting in the middle of any conversation is rude, regardless of its relevance or brevity. Please advise. -- TO TEXT OR NOT TO TEXT IN BOULDER, COLO.

DEAR T.T. OR NOT T.T.: I agree with you. But if your husband doesn't want to hear it from you, I guarantee he'll resist accepting the message from me. I was raised with the premise that when in conversation, people should give each other their undivided attention and look each other in the eye. Taking "just a sec" to dash off a text -- or read one -- may be convenient, but it's impolite to the person you're with.

DEAR ABBY: It's that time of year again when parents take their kids to see Santa. As a professional Santa's helper for many years, may I offer some suggestions?

Let your children approach Santa on their own. Do not force your child to sit on Santa's lap. Santa has been seen in books and on TV, but he is now real, big and loud. That can be scary to a child. If he or she wants to stand at a distance and talk to Santa, that is OK. Sometimes just holding the child and standing next to Santa is all it takes for a child to warm up to the idea of sitting on his lap.

If your little one is upset and you want a picture with Santa, have someone else snap the photo while you stand by your child. Let Santa talk to your children while you hold their hands. Santa (if any good) will pace the visit and stop it if it's taking too long. If children are afraid, do not let Santa grab at them to put them on his lap. That will only make the problem worse.

I hope this helps to make the visit easier. -- SANTA'S HELPER IN CENTRAL ILLINOIS

DEAR SANTA'S HELPER: Ho-ho-ho! Thank you for being ABBY's helper today. I hope parents will take your sound suggestions to heart when introducing their little ones to the jolly man in the red suit.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a retired waitress who worked for years in a family restaurant. Many elderly people would come in alone, and I could see they were hungry for conversation as well as food, so I'd talk to them as much as possible.

As the restaurant became more crowded, I had less time to chat, so I set up a table for four and asked the seniors if they might like to sit at the "senior table." So many of the customers said yes that it turned into a table for 12!

It would be great if restaurants would set up senior tables so everyone could have a dinner partner if they wanted to visit. It's also a great way to make new friends. Now that I'm a senior myself I notice a lot of us sit alone, watching families enjoy being together. -- KATHY IN BREMERTON, WASH.

DEAR KATHY: You're a sweet and compassionate woman. A few years ago I heard about some restaurants here in Los Angeles offering a "community dining" table for singles -- but they were intended to help young singles mingle. Your idea of a table for solo seniors is a good one, and I hope restaurateurs agree and give it a try. Food tastes better when it's seasoned with good fellowship.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife recently remarried and has decided to keep my last name and hyphenate it with her new husband's. She says she's doing it "for the sake of our children."

I don't buy that for a minute, Abby. She was unfaithful many times during our marriage, and I want her to stop using my name so some dignity and honor can be restored to it.

Do you agree that she should drop my name, or does she have a right to it? -- WANTS MY NAME BACK IN MAINE

DEAR WANTS: Although I understand your anger, try to take comfort in the fact that your ex still finds prestige in the association with you. Honor and dignity will be restored to your name by the way you and the children conduct yourselves in the future.

P.S. As long as your ex is not trying to defraud anyone, she has the right to use the name you gave her. Accept it and move on.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)