DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bud," and I have been married more than 50 years. It has been a great half-century. We have good jobs and a fantastic family.

A problem has arisen recently that I need advice about. When I met Bud, I wasn't a virgin. I wasn't promiscuous, but I did end several dates with a "grand finale." Bud knew about it and was OK with it then, and he's still OK with it now. But he keeps asking me to describe those dates down to the most intimate detail. He says they are part of our "family history," just like our school activities and other events with family and friends before we started going together. I'm not sure I can remember everything, but Bud wants to hear about those things I can recall. What do you think about this? -- CAUGHT OFF GUARD

DEAR CAUGHT: I'd be fascinated to know why, after more than 50 years, your husband is suddenly pumping you for the information. Could he find the idea of you and another man titillating? To me, "family history" begins when a couple forms a family, not before.

If discussing the subject of your premarital sexual experiences makes you uncomfortable, then don't take the bait because if you do, I have a hunch your husband will never stop fishing.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a national package delivery company. It's nearing what we refer to as "peak season" (Christmas). We try our best to deliver the much-anticipated packages on time, but sometimes we are unable to find the addresses. If there are no names or numbers on the mailboxes or on the houses, we waste a lot of time trying to locate the right residence through the process of elimination.

What concerns us most is, if we -- experienced delivery people -- have problems finding a residence, we know an emergency vehicle will encounter the same problem. A few minutes' delay can result in a tragic outcome if an EMT is unable to find a house.

Please advise your readers to post their addresses clearly. If they do, it will help all of us to have a safer and happier holiday season. -- SANTA'S HELPERS IN ALABAMA

DEAR SANTA'S HELPERS: Thanks for this important reminder. Readers, to ensure that Santa finds you -- remember to have not only cookies and milk waiting by the fireplace, but also your address clearly visible so he can find you. And the same goes for the fire department, the police department and an ambulance if, heaven forbid, they should be needed.

DEAR ABBY: Would it be improper of me to write the owners of a house we are buying to thank them for selling it to us? My wife and I keep getting conflicting answers.

They have small children, so they're probably moving to a bigger place to accommodate their children. Selling us their house is allowing us the opportunity of starting a family like they did.

What do you think? Should we send it to them directly or to their real estate agent? We don't want to overstep our boundaries. -- SOON-TO-BE HOMEOWNER IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR SOON-TO-BE HOMEOWNER: There may be reasons the owners are selling the house that have nothing to do with the fact that their children are growing. While the idea of a thank-you note is sweet, it would be better to wait until the sale is complete and you have lived in it awhile before writing. If you still feel the same a few months after you're in, then by all means share your gratitude and have the note forwarded to them by their real estate agent.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend whose husband is isolating her from family and friends. He's a counselor, and he uses his training as a psychologist to convince her that none of her friends are to be trusted. He twists anything we do or say to keep her at a distance from us.

He tells her she's a horrible mother and a terrible person in general, and she believes him. I think she has been brainwashed.

He also hits on other women regularly, myself included. When I tried to tell my friend what he did, she refused to believe me because he already told her his version of the story and made it look like it was my fault.

Is there any way to help a woman who is being held mentally captive by her husband? -- DISTRAUGHT FRIEND

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: One way to begin would be to approach her as a group and tell her you are all concerned and that you care about her. Tell her often that you are there for her and always will be, and that you know she's a terrific person and a wonderful, caring parent. Point out that only two people in the world think otherwise, and that's her husband and her. And repeat that you're afraid she's being verbally and emotionally abused until she finally hears you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old woman who has never been married. My boyfriend, "Phil" -- with whom I share a wonderful relationship -- has been divorced three times and has made it clear he does not want to marry again.

We're in the process of buying a home together, and I cannot let go of the hope that one day we'll live in it as husband and wife. It has always been my dream to find that one "right" person and settle down. In my eyes, Phil is that special person. I feel cheated that because of his failed marriages my hopes and dreams don't matter.

Phil loves me and is good to me, but I have mixed emotions. I feel that having shared an exclusive relationship for two years and the fact that we are now buying a house together means we should be married. Must I accept the relationship we have? -- DREAM LOVER IN MINNESOTA

DEAR DREAM LOVER: No. What you must accept is that your dream and Phil's are not the same. You yearn for commitment, something which from his track record it appears Phil has trouble with.

If marriage is what you really want, you're betting on the wrong horse, and before investing in something as expensive as a home, I urge you to discuss this significant financial commitment with an attorney to ensure that your interests are fully protected.

DEAR ABBY: Our son lived with his girlfriend for several years. They had a beautiful daughter together but split up a year and a half later. His ex-girlfriend now lives with another man, and they have a new baby girl. They'll probably get married.

Our granddaughter is now 5 and we pick her up, take her places and do things with her. We also buy her the usual gifts for her birthday and holidays. We travel frequently and bring her souvenirs from our travels.

Now that she has a baby sister, are we obligated to do the same for her? Or should we continue doing for our granddaughter only? What is the proper thing here? -- HELP NEEDED IN ALABAMA

DEAR HELP NEEDED: Put yourself in the position of the younger sister and imagine how she will feel when she's older and she's left behind or forgotten. If you exclude her completely, I guarantee it will cause resentment and division between the girls, so open your heart. Be inclusive and generous -- not only for her sake, but also for your granddaughter's.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about the letter you printed from "Right or Wrong in Wisconsin" (Nov. 9). My co-workers and I had a field day with the issue of the father shaving while his 12-year-old daughter takes her morning shower.

The women here were pretty much unanimous in agreeing with your response, while the men mostly thought there was nothing wrong. As a man writing to you, my opinion may seem a little biased, but please try to keep an open mind.

I assume that this gentleman has raised his daughter since birth, and that he changed "Lia's" diapers and bathed her when she was younger. It's ridiculous that at the young age of 12 it is suddenly inappropriate for her father to have a conversation with her (presumably) through a shower curtain.

I could understand the mother (whom he never referred to as his wife) being concerned if he was simply in the bathroom to dish about the day's issues. But that wasn't the case. He was shaving. We don't see a problem with that. We men agree that if this wasn't an issue that Lia herself raised because she was uncomfortable, then it probably shouldn't be an issue at all. -- DISAGREES IN TOPEKA, KAN.

DEAR DISAGREES: I did not mean to start a war of the sexes in your workplace, so allow me to clarify the issue from my perspective. "Right or Wrong" appears to be a caring father, or he wouldn't have written me. He views his daughter as his "little girl." But at age 12, Lia is an emerging young woman both physically and emotionally. She is in transition, and her father may not recognize that fact. At 12, many girls start their periods and their breasts begin developing. Lia's mother may have noticed these changes in her daughter.

What this presents is a teachable moment -- and an opportunity for a family discussion to talk about what's happening. Among the issues Lia will face in the next few years are decisions she'll have to make about drinking, drugs, sex, respect and modesty. While other cultures have a more liberal view regarding modesty, ours is less so.

And remember, it's not as though sharing the bathroom in that family is a necessity. There are two bathrooms in that house, and I think it's time one of them began using the one downstairs. If that makes me a fuddy-duddy, so be it. It's still my opinion.

DEAR ABBY: My friend recently committed suicide and although I'm still mad at times, I'm no longer sad all the time. My problem is I'm having a hard time dealing with stress.

Before, when things got hard or my workload went up, I'd work harder to get it done. Now I just become overwhelmed and all I want to do is go to bed. Is this normal? I have never had a friend die before. -- SAD IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SAD: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. When someone close to me suffers an emotional shock -- and the death of a friend or loved one qualifies as one -- I remind him or her that shock can affect not only the emotions but also the body. That's why it's important to get extra rest and eat properly.

When a person grieves, it's not unusual to be less resilient, so listen to your body. When you become overwhelmed, chicken soup and extra rest may be in order, and it's not a cliche. However, if these feelings persist for more than a few weeks, please discuss them with your doctor because they could be a symptom of a treatable form of depression.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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