DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about the letter you printed from "Right or Wrong in Wisconsin" (Nov. 9). My co-workers and I had a field day with the issue of the father shaving while his 12-year-old daughter takes her morning shower.

The women here were pretty much unanimous in agreeing with your response, while the men mostly thought there was nothing wrong. As a man writing to you, my opinion may seem a little biased, but please try to keep an open mind.

I assume that this gentleman has raised his daughter since birth, and that he changed "Lia's" diapers and bathed her when she was younger. It's ridiculous that at the young age of 12 it is suddenly inappropriate for her father to have a conversation with her (presumably) through a shower curtain.

I could understand the mother (whom he never referred to as his wife) being concerned if he was simply in the bathroom to dish about the day's issues. But that wasn't the case. He was shaving. We don't see a problem with that. We men agree that if this wasn't an issue that Lia herself raised because she was uncomfortable, then it probably shouldn't be an issue at all. -- DISAGREES IN TOPEKA, KAN.

DEAR DISAGREES: I did not mean to start a war of the sexes in your workplace, so allow me to clarify the issue from my perspective. "Right or Wrong" appears to be a caring father, or he wouldn't have written me. He views his daughter as his "little girl." But at age 12, Lia is an emerging young woman both physically and emotionally. She is in transition, and her father may not recognize that fact. At 12, many girls start their periods and their breasts begin developing. Lia's mother may have noticed these changes in her daughter.

What this presents is a teachable moment -- and an opportunity for a family discussion to talk about what's happening. Among the issues Lia will face in the next few years are decisions she'll have to make about drinking, drugs, sex, respect and modesty. While other cultures have a more liberal view regarding modesty, ours is less so.

And remember, it's not as though sharing the bathroom in that family is a necessity. There are two bathrooms in that house, and I think it's time one of them began using the one downstairs. If that makes me a fuddy-duddy, so be it. It's still my opinion.

DEAR ABBY: My friend recently committed suicide and although I'm still mad at times, I'm no longer sad all the time. My problem is I'm having a hard time dealing with stress.

Before, when things got hard or my workload went up, I'd work harder to get it done. Now I just become overwhelmed and all I want to do is go to bed. Is this normal? I have never had a friend die before. -- SAD IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SAD: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. When someone close to me suffers an emotional shock -- and the death of a friend or loved one qualifies as one -- I remind him or her that shock can affect not only the emotions but also the body. That's why it's important to get extra rest and eat properly.

When a person grieves, it's not unusual to be less resilient, so listen to your body. When you become overwhelmed, chicken soup and extra rest may be in order, and it's not a cliche. However, if these feelings persist for more than a few weeks, please discuss them with your doctor because they could be a symptom of a treatable form of depression.

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DEAR ABBY: I am 25 and dated a woman I'll call "Brenda" for about five years. She dumped me soon after college graduation with no explanation. All she said was she "needed to be alone for a while," but she could see herself marrying me and having kids with me "eventually." I accepted it and tried to move on.

Brenda has stayed in touch for the last two years, but we have not been together or intimate. She calls me nearly every night before she goes to bed. I never call her or go to her house.

I talk to her because I don't want to be rude, but I'd prefer not to. I mean, what's the point? When we split, I told her I didn't want contact, but she seemed so devastated when I said it that I backed off.

Would it be wrong for me to completely cut off communication? How do I do it nicely? I loved Brenda once, but her constant calls don't allow me closure. Even if she asked me now to get back together, I wouldn't. She hurt me when she broke it off with no explanation, and I no longer trust her. What should I do? -- NEEDS CLOSURE IN PHILLY

DEAR NEEDS CLOSURE: Forgive the strong language, but Miss Brenda appears to be somewhat screwed up. You seem like a nice guy -- too nice, in fact. There comes a time in life when we must draw the line when someone hurts us.

The next time Brenda calls to say good night, tell her it's not good night, it's goodbye because you no longer want to dwell in the past. Believe me, you'll be doing yourself a favor.

DEAR ABBY: In cities large and small across the globe, a sad reality occurs year after year. Children die. The causes vary -- an auto accident, suicide, drive-by shooting, fire, illness, war or something completely different. Families, friends and entire towns mourn the deaths of children who have died before they could reach their full potential.

For the past 13 years, The Compassionate Friends, a national self-help support organization for families grieving the death of a child, has sponsored a Worldwide Candle Lighting during the difficult holidays to honor the memory of all children -- no matter their age -- who died too young.

Dear Abby readers, whether or not they have been personally touched by such a tragedy, are invited to remember all children who have died by joining in the Worldwide Candle Lighting on Sunday, Dec. 13. Although officially held for one hour at 7 p.m. local time, this has become an event where hundreds of services in memory of children are held throughout the day around the world.

In the U.S. this includes services in all 50 states and Washington, D.C. Dozens of countries are hosts to services. Anyone who is unable to attend is encouraged to light candles in their home, whether alone or with friends and family. Please join us in honoring these children who are loved, missed and always remembered. -- PATRICIA LODER, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS

DEAR PATRICIA: I am pleased to help spread the word. Your organization is a valuable resource for families and friends of those who have experienced the loss of a child, and I commend you for the work you do.

Readers, you can locate local services on The Compassionate Friends Web site: � HYPERLINK "http://www.compassionatefriends.org" ��www.compassionatefriends.org� or by calling (toll-free) 877-969-0010. You will also be able to join the thousands of caring individuals who post a memorial message in their online Remembrance Book during the 24-hour period of the Worldwide Candle Lighting and let them know your thoughts are with them.

DEAR ABBY: I will be 50 next year. My daughter is determined to throw me a party, but I'm not interested in acknowledging my age. In fact, thinking about it throws me into a panic.

I realize this is my problem, but how can I make her understand that this is something I truly do not want and I won't attend? She thinks I'm joking. -- 49 AND HOLDING

DEAR HOLDING: Your daughter is well-meaning but insensitive. Because you can't make her comprehend that birthdays have different connotations for different people, and that you prefer to "forget" about this one, plan an enjoyable getaway for yourself the week that yours rolls around and leave town. And every time you feel yourself going into a panic, practice this mantra: 50 is the new 30. Once you make up your mind to accept it, then you -- like so many others -- will believe it and calm down. Aging is normal. It's stress that's the killer.

DEAR ABBY: I recently inherited some money. The amount is enough to allow me to leave a job I find stifling and set up my own business without having to worry about money for the first year.

I am excited about it, but I'm getting nothing but doom and disapproval from my family. My husband says he supports me, but has confided that he's afraid I'm going to plunge us into poverty. My parents and siblings tell me I'm being irresponsible and wasting money I could be investing for retirement. They remind me of how many small businesses fail and tell me I'm "crazy" to leave a secure job.

I want to take advantage of this opportunity, but my family's attitude is starting to make me doubt myself. Am I naive and irresponsible? -- AMBITIOUS IN AUSTRALIA

DEAR AMBITIOUS: No, you're a woman with a dream. And that's OK. Until a century ago, nobody thought man could fly, and now we've struck water on the moon.

HOWEVER, just to cover your bases and see if your dream is practical, write a business plan and take it to a bank to see if they would be willing to lend you money to start your business. If the answer is yes, I see no reason why you shouldn't invest in yourself (at zero interest).

DEAR ABBY: I am 30 and have been dating my girlfriend, "Megan," for a few months. She's 22. I'm in love with her, but I can't seem to get something out of my head.

Megan told me she is bisexual. She says she has never been with a woman, but she's attracted to them. I was in this situation before. My last girlfriend left me for another woman, and I'm afraid it'll happen again. I love Megan and would like to spend the rest of my life with her, but I'm afraid she may one day decide she missed out on something and want to pursue other options.

Megan swears she wouldn't cheat on me with anyone -- man or woman. Should I end this now, before we go any further, or am I being paranoid and worrying for nothing? -- CONFUSED IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR CONFUSED: Megan has been honest with you. She's also 22, and she may not be sure of exactly who she is. Until she's certain about what she wants, it is premature of you to be considering a permanent relationship. At 30, you are ready to settle down. Megan may need time and the freedom to do some exploring before she will be.