DEAR ABBY: My wife of 25 years, in an effort to get me to stop smoking, refuses to have sex until I quit. It's been more than a year since we made love.

I love my wife with all my heart, and I always will. I plan to stop smoking, but not this way. She will not give in (or give out). I don't want to think of sex as her weapon, but it is. Any advice on how to cope with my unwinnable battle? -- DESPERATE IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR DESPERATE: Yes. You mentioned you plan to quit smoking, so why not start now? The letter below could have been written expressly for you. Once you no longer reek of stale tobacco, your wife may rediscover her passion and both your problems will be solved. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: On Thursday, Nov. 19, 2009, the American Cancer Society is celebrating the 34th Great American Smokeout, and we want to encourage your readers who smoke to quit. Research shows that smokers who quit can significantly increase their life expectancy.

A smoker who quits at age 35 gains an average of eight years of life expectancy. A person who quits at 55 gains five more birthdays to spend with loved ones.

Smokers who stop before age 50 cut their risk of dying in the next 15 years in half compared with people who continue to smoke. Ten years after quitting, the lung cancer death rate is about half of that of someone who continues.

Quitting smoking is not easy. People often have to try several times before they are successful. But the American Cancer Society is here to help. We have been making great progress in this country when it comes to people getting the message about not smoking -- in fact, adult cigarette smoking declined to 19.8 percent in 2007.

Smokers who want to quit can call the society's Quit for Life program operated and managed by Free & Clear at (800) 227-2345 to speak with trained counselors who can help them develop a quit plan and set a quit date. The American Cancer Society and Free & Clear have helped a total of 1 million tobacco users in their attempt to quit smoking.

As the official sponsor of birthdays, the American Cancer Society is fighting for every birthday that's threatened by cancer in all communities. We hope you will join us in our movement to create a world with less cancer and more birthdays by sharing the message that the Great American Smokeout is the PERFECT day to make a plan to quit or to use as a quit date. Quitting smoking is one of the most important steps anyone can take to create a world with more birthdays. -- ALAN G. THORSON, M.D., NATIONAL VOLUNTEER PRESIDENT, AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY

DEAR DR. THORSON AND DEAR READERS: I am pleased to once again spread the word about the Great American Smokeout, a subject that has appeared in this column many times. Tobacco use remains the single largest preventable cause of death in the U.S., and one-third of all cancer deaths could be prevented if people simply avoided tobacco.

The Great American Smokeout Web site (www.cancer.org/GreatAmericans) contains user-friendly tips and tools to help smokers quit and remain smoke-free. Quitting is the most precious gift you can give yourself and the people who love you. The Countdown Clock and Craving Stopper downloadable desktop applications are two of the free resources available to help you on the path toward quitting. Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: On a Sunday afternoon in late September, I got hopelessly lost trying to find O'Hare Airport in Chicago. I pulled off the interstate at a neighborhood exit and asked a man parked at the curb for directions. He was Hispanic, and there was a bit of a language barrier, but he and his sister offered to lead me there.

When we neared Midway Airport, I realized the mistake that had happened. They again offered to lead me to O'Hare -- which is a considerable distance from Midway.

We traveled through stop-and-go traffic, took shortcuts through local neighborhoods with parades, demonstrations and traffic cops, and became temporarily separated when other vehicles darted between me and my rescuers. I worried that the needle on my gas gauge would drop, which would mean having to gas up again at my destination -- if I ever reached it.

They got me to O'Hare and I turned in my car before the needle dipped. I could only wave my gratitude as I turned off. I hope my navigators understood.

They were in their late 30s/early 40s and driving a small red pickup with an open bed. I never got their names, but hope they'll recognize themselves if you print this. They were wonderfully helpful and kind to a stranger in trouble, and I am grateful. -- LADY IN THE RED HYUNDAI WITH N.Y. PLATES

DEAR LADY: I hope your "dos Buenos Samaritanos" see your letter and know that they are still in your thoughts. An act of kindness is a powerful thing; the "ripples" it creates move ever outward. So now it's your turn -- pass it on.

DEAR ABBY: My parents are chronic overspenders. The illusion of material wealth is all they care about. Over the past 10 years they have filed for bankruptcy twice, lost two homes, had three cars repossessed and been through credit counseling twice.

My two siblings and I have tried to help, but all it did was enable them to continue acting irresponsibly. The money we have "lent" them is into five figures. Once we lent them money so their car wouldn't be repossessed, but they used it to buy new furniture.

Mom and Dad are now unemployed, and none of us is able to bail them out again. Last year, we asked them to forgo any holiday gifts. All we wanted was a family dinner and for them to use their money on bills and necessities. They didn't listen and bought us extravagant gifts anyway, only to hit us up later for money to pay the bills! We returned the gifts and gave the money back to them.

How do we impress upon our parents that we don't want any gifts this year? We're ready to cancel celebrating Christmas with them. I know they'll be hurt, but what else can we do? -- HATES THE HOLIDAYS IN OHIO

DEAR HATES THE HOLIDAYS: Your parents have a serious problem, and if you care about their welfare -- as you and your siblings obviously do -- I recommend that all of you start family counseling immediately. It may take a mediator to help your parents realize that their behavior is out of control and that someone else should be managing their finances.

You cannot and should not be expected to fix their money problems, which I suspect are the result of other underlying issues. Your doctor or state psychological association can refer you to someone who is licensed and qualified.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old boy. I went to a party last weekend and some people pressured me to do some uncomfortable stuff. Can you advise me -- and other teens -- how to handle peer pressure? -- ASHAMED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ASHAMED: I'll try. Please remember that it takes a strong and confident person not to follow the crowd and stick to your own convictions -- especially when you want to fit in. But it is those who value their self-respect more than "mob" respect, who care about their reputations (and their records) who summon up the courage to say, "Thanks, but I'll pass," when enticed into doing things that are senseless, dangerous, illegal or immoral. It takes character to go it alone rather than follow the crowd, to listen to your conscience and act in your own best interests -- but it pays off big time, especially when you see the price others pay for going astray.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 31 and live in the Midwest. I have had the same friends since college and feel myself drifting farther and farther away from them. I feel guilty saying this, but all they want to talk about is their children. I have a wonderful 3-year-old daughter and another child on the way, but I have my own personality, too, apart from being a mother.

When I talk to these friends I'm pretty sure they don't listen or want to respond to me unless I'm talking about "kid stuff." Hanging out with them has become duller than watching paint dry. Am I the strange one because I don't want to talk about my little ones all the time? -- FEELS LIKE A FREAK IN IOWA

DEAR FEELS LIKE A FREAK: Right now, your friends are preoccupied with raising their children, with all of the milestones and cute things they do that go along with it. Eventually, they'll pull out of it. Please don't label them or yourself. What you need to do is recognize that it's time to widen your circle to include more people who share your varied interests.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting ready to meet my gentleman's ex-wife. They were married for 17 years. His adult children all know and like me.

Any suggestions on breaking the ice and points of conversation with this woman? -- LOIS IN LOUISIANA

DEAR LOIS: Only this: Keep your sense of humor when you discuss what you have in common.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married three years. We married later in life. I was divorced, and she had been a widow for eight years.

The problem we're having is she continues to want to spend the holidays with her deceased husband's family. They are nice people, but I feel uncomfortable with it. We have talked about starting our own traditions, but she insists that she doesn't want to cut those ties. I feel like I am living with a ghost sometimes.

I have spoken to other members of her family. They have agreed that she needs to cut those ties, but my wife is being stubborn about changing her holiday routine. Your thoughts on this, please? -- LIVING WITH A GHOST IN KANSAS

DEAR LIVING WITH A GHOST: I don't know how long your wife was married before she was widowed, but it is possible that it was so long that she became a part of her in-laws' family, and you should not take that away from her. The solution to your problem lies in compromise. Not every holiday should be spent with them -- but that doesn't mean the two of you couldn't alternate. And that's what I recommend you do until you establish different traditions.