DEAR ABBY: My neighbors, "John" and "Marcia," are such a nice couple, I'm not sure what to do. I don't know them all that well, but what's going on is extremely upsetting.

On several occasions, I have seen a woman park her car near my home after dark and walk to the back door of their house. About an hour later, I see John let her out the front door. He even has the nerve to kiss her goodbye right on the front porch! I'm sure he is slipping this tart in for sex -- right under his wife's nose.

I want to tell Marcia what's going on, but I'm unsure how to go about it. I have contemplated just going over, knocking on the door and blurting it out. I have also considered writing her an anonymous letter. What's the right way to let someone know that her husband is cheating on her in her own house while she's there? -- NOT NOSY, JUST CONCERNED, NEW CUMBERLAND, PA.

DEAR NOT NOSY: I strongly recommend that you mind your own business and do nothing. If there was any hanky-panky going on, I seriously doubt that John would be indulging in it while his wife was in the house -- and kissing his illicit lover goodbye on their doorstep, yet. The woman may be a relative -- a sister, cousin or daughter -- so please do not embarrass yourself.

P.S. When someone is overly preoccupied with the sex life of a neighbor, it isn't "concern." It IS nosy, so please get a life.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 79-year-old recent widow. Shortly after I was married I had a brief, intense affair with a man at work. I'll call him "Earl."

Earl's wife, "Lillian," was in her third trimester of pregnancy and he was needy. We fell hopelessly in love and our affair continued after his baby was born. We were happy together and nothing else seemed to matter.

Somehow Lillian found out and left him. The divorce she said she'd seek would have solved our problems because I would have immediately divorced my husband, but it never happened. She still loved him, and he decided to do the "honorable thing" and reconcile with her. We swore we would love each other forever, no matter what.

Earl and Lillian moved to a city 50 miles from here and we had no further contact. My husband forgave me, and we had a good life and three children.

A friend kept me informed about Earl -- where he was and what he was doing. She told me he has spent his life making up to Lillian for his "indiscretion" and treating her like a queen. She is now in a nursing home suffering with Alzheimer's. She no longer knows Earl, but he goes to see her every day.

Would it be wrong of me to get in touch with him to sympathize? I still love him. Perhaps he loves me, too. We are both old and lonely. -- HOPING FOR MORE

DEAR HOPING: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband, but offering "sympathy" to Earl right now would not be a good idea. If your informant is correct, he has not only spent his life making amends to his wife for the affair, but he is still in love with her.

It would not be out of line to ask your friend to let Earl know that you are recently widowed, but don't hold your breath waiting for him to renew the romance. He has an important commitment he needs to see through to the end. And if you love him, you'll let him do it.

DEAR ABBY: May I respond to your column regarding excessive waits in doctors' offices (Sept. 1)?

I am a board-certified interventional cardiologist who has been practicing for 30 years. I work 85 to 90 hours each week. As hard as we try, our office schedule often falls behind. Despite recommendations that acute problems go to the emergency room, unscheduled patients come to the office with chest pains, and they must be attended to. Even scheduled patients can develop complex medical issues that require extra, unplanned time to evaluate and treat.

Our patients with a history of heart disease do not mind waiting when the office runs behind because they receive the same specialized extra-care treatment when they need it. Delays that result from spending extra time evaluating and treating sick patients with complicated problems is not "unprofessional" behavior as "Larry W." implied. On the contrary, it relates to the art of medicine and caring for the well-being of each patient above all else.

And for the architect, I wonder when he last worked a 90-hour week, took seven or eight phone calls from his clients after midnight, and got up at 3 a.m. to do an emergency two-hour procedure before returning to his office at 8 in the morning bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and running on schedule the rest of the day? -- DR. RON IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR DR. RON: I felt it was only fair to print your response to my follow-up column on "Sick of Waiting in Denver." That column elicited a mountain of letters, all of them offering reasonable explanations for the delays in medical offices. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Many factors cause doctors to run behind. Routine physicals can reveal life-threatening conditions that must be dealt with immediately.

Also, people do not reveal the true reason for their visit when they call, so they are not given the appropriate amount of time for the appointment. A teenager brought in for vomiting could have the stomach flu, onset diabetes or even be pregnant.

A colleague once had a woman complaining of abdominal pain who gave birth in the exam room. That definitely took more than 15 minutes! -- M.D. IN WOODSTOCK, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a thoracic surgeon who spends four days a week in the O.R. and one action-packed day seeing patients in his office in addition to his on-call schedules. When I ask my husband what held him up when he gets home late for dinner, his response is always the same: "I give each patient my undivided attention. I would never cut them off or hurry to see the next one until I know every concern was addressed." If these readers who complained about waiting have a doctor as kind and caring as my husband, their wait is worth every second. -- MARRIED TO A WONDERFUL MAN

DEAR ABBY: Every single day, multiple patients wait until their appointment time is up to say, "There's just one more thing I was afraid to bring up ..." Then they tell me about their chest pain, depression or possible abuse. These are things I cannot and will not ignore. But it does mean the next patient will have to wait.

Some people behave as if they're going to a fast food drive-thru. And if things don't change, that is exactly the kind of care they'll end up getting. -- DELMAR, N.Y., DOCTOR

DEAR ABBY: When your doctor has to deliver devastating news about your health and you have lots of questions, lots of tears and your mind is filled with terror, you'll appreciate the time being spent with you -- which means someone else will have to wait. -- MEDICAL OFFICE MANAGER IN KINGSPORT, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old business woman. I was single for many years until I met and fell in love with "Rory," who had been a long-time client. We were married a year ago.

Rory and I love each other, but we have a problem -- or, should I say, I have one. Rory has a penile implant and an insatiable sex drive. I can't keep up with him. He demands sex every night and sometimes a couple of times during the week at lunchtime.

I don't know what to do because above all I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings. Have you any advice for me? -- TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

DEAR TOO MUCH: Yes, you and your husband appear to have a communication problem, and the solution is to schedule some sessions with a marriage counselor. You are not the "one" with the problem. When a couple suffers from sexual problems, it's a problem shared by both parties.

I don't know how long Rory had erectile difficulties before he got his implant, but it appears he's using the device as a toy and doesn't understand the enjoyment must be mutual. And if it isn't mutual, you have the right to "just say no."

DEAR ABBY: My son is being married soon. It will be his first marriage and his fiancee's second.

Would it be proper to have a wedding shower for our side of the family? My daughter would host it. Also, do we invite the bride's mother even if it's a party for our side of the family? -- MOTHER-IN-LAW-TO-BE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MOTHER-IN-LAW-TO-BE: A bridal shower for your future daughter-in-law inviting your side of the family would be a warm, welcoming gesture. However, it should not be hosted by an immediate family member of the bride-to-be or her fiance -- which eliminates your daughter. The reason for the restriction preventing close relatives from hosting the event is anyone who attends a shower is obligated to bring a gift. Therefore, a party sponsored by a near relative is a virtual demand for gifts by someone too close to the couple for it to be in good taste.

As to whether or not to include the bride's mother, although bridesmaids and mothers of the engaged couple are usually included, it isn't carved in stone that they must be. Example: If the party is given by the couple's contemporaries for members of their generation, the mothers would not necessarily be included. In this case, however, inviting the bride's mother so she can become acquainted with your side of the family would be a thoughtful gesture.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-month-old daughter loves visiting her grandmom and grandpop. But there's a hitch -- Grandpop often meets us at the door dressed only in a T-shirt and briefs. I have heard my mother tell him more than once, "Come on, Grandpa, put your pants on!"

I have tried cajoling him to be more modest. He seems to think since it's his home, he can do and wear what he pleases. Any advice? -- UNDERWEARY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNDERWEARY: Just this: If seeing "Grandpop" in his underwear bothers you, call before you take your daughter over for a visit to ask if he's "decent." He's right about being able to do and wear what he pleases in his own home. But there's no law that says you must be subjected to it if it makes you uncomfortable.

DEAR READERS: Today, Veterans Day, I would like to thank not only all of you who have honorably served our country, but also those men and women who are on active duty for your service as well. I salute each and every one of you. -- ABBY

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)