DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old business woman. I was single for many years until I met and fell in love with "Rory," who had been a long-time client. We were married a year ago.

Rory and I love each other, but we have a problem -- or, should I say, I have one. Rory has a penile implant and an insatiable sex drive. I can't keep up with him. He demands sex every night and sometimes a couple of times during the week at lunchtime.

I don't know what to do because above all I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings. Have you any advice for me? -- TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

DEAR TOO MUCH: Yes, you and your husband appear to have a communication problem, and the solution is to schedule some sessions with a marriage counselor. You are not the "one" with the problem. When a couple suffers from sexual problems, it's a problem shared by both parties.

I don't know how long Rory had erectile difficulties before he got his implant, but it appears he's using the device as a toy and doesn't understand the enjoyment must be mutual. And if it isn't mutual, you have the right to "just say no."

DEAR ABBY: My son is being married soon. It will be his first marriage and his fiancee's second.

Would it be proper to have a wedding shower for our side of the family? My daughter would host it. Also, do we invite the bride's mother even if it's a party for our side of the family? -- MOTHER-IN-LAW-TO-BE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MOTHER-IN-LAW-TO-BE: A bridal shower for your future daughter-in-law inviting your side of the family would be a warm, welcoming gesture. However, it should not be hosted by an immediate family member of the bride-to-be or her fiance -- which eliminates your daughter. The reason for the restriction preventing close relatives from hosting the event is anyone who attends a shower is obligated to bring a gift. Therefore, a party sponsored by a near relative is a virtual demand for gifts by someone too close to the couple for it to be in good taste.

As to whether or not to include the bride's mother, although bridesmaids and mothers of the engaged couple are usually included, it isn't carved in stone that they must be. Example: If the party is given by the couple's contemporaries for members of their generation, the mothers would not necessarily be included. In this case, however, inviting the bride's mother so she can become acquainted with your side of the family would be a thoughtful gesture.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-month-old daughter loves visiting her grandmom and grandpop. But there's a hitch -- Grandpop often meets us at the door dressed only in a T-shirt and briefs. I have heard my mother tell him more than once, "Come on, Grandpa, put your pants on!"

I have tried cajoling him to be more modest. He seems to think since it's his home, he can do and wear what he pleases. Any advice? -- UNDERWEARY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNDERWEARY: Just this: If seeing "Grandpop" in his underwear bothers you, call before you take your daughter over for a visit to ask if he's "decent." He's right about being able to do and wear what he pleases in his own home. But there's no law that says you must be subjected to it if it makes you uncomfortable.

DEAR READERS: Today, Veterans Day, I would like to thank not only all of you who have honorably served our country, but also those men and women who are on active duty for your service as well. I salute each and every one of you. -- ABBY

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DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Paula," and I have a friend I'll call "Mark." I recently learned that before our wedding, Mark made a pass at Paula. (He was separated from his wife at the time.) Paula told him she wasn't interested.

I also found out that Paula kissed Mark while we were having some difficulties during the past couple of years. But when Mark and his wife worked things out, he told Paula the behavior had to end.

When I ask my wife about these things, she's honest and tells me what happened. I try to keep an open mind and get past it, but haven't been able to.

It doesn't help that Mark visits Paula at her job several times a week, and she stays there socializing with him after she's done working. I'd estimate they spend at least 10 hours a week together. I don't like to be around them anymore because they're always touching and poking each other. I actually counted 22 "touches" once when I was with them for a couple of hours.

I have told my wife I'm uncomfortable with their relationship, especially because of the past kissing business. She says I should stop being insecure and that they're just friends. I feel she is choosing their friendship over our marriage. Please help me figure out what to do. -- LEFT OUT IN MAINE

DEAR LEFT OUT: Mark isn't your friend. And to say that Paula is insensitive to your feelings would be an understatement. What makes you uncomfortable is their obvious physical attraction, an example of which is the fact they can't keep their hands off each other.

Because you can't seem to get through to your wife, enlist the help of a licensed marriage counselor. Tell Paula you're making an appointment with a therapist and invite her along. If she refuses, go without her. What's happening is unfair to you, and you need an ally.

DEAR ABBY: I am slightly overweight and want to lose 5 to 10 pounds. I admittedly have little self-control and always eat whatever is put in front of me.

My problem is my wife continues to stock cookies, ice cream and other goodies in the house. Even though I have asked her on many occasions to stop, she refuses to honor my requests. She says "the kids" shouldn't have to suffer because of my lack of self-control.

Abby, I'd like our kids to eat better, too. What should I do? I'd hate to split up over this issue because we have preteens and everything else is going well. -- FRUSTRATED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: The print and television media have, for some time, been filled with stories about the importance of children learning healthy eating habits and urging parents to not only stock the fridge and pantry with healthy snacks, but also to set a good example. Your wife may have missed all of this, or she may have some ulterior motive for making sure you don't lose the weight.

Should this end an otherwise good marriage? No, but please understand that if you do not draw the line, your children may also wind up paying the price.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I need an unbiased opinion. I am the father of a 12-year-old daughter, "Lia." She catches an early morning bus for school, and I leave for work at the same time her bus picks her up, so I'm in charge of getting her ready in the morning.

Although we have two bathrooms -- one upstairs and one down -- neither of us wants to use the downstairs bathroom to get ready. All our stuff is upstairs.

When I wake Lia up each morning, she heads into the shower and I go feed the dog. I then go into the bathroom and shave while she's in the shower. While I'm shaving we discuss sports and life in general. When I'm finished, I leave until she's done showering and goes back into her room. I then take my shower.

Is this wrong? Lia's mother thinks it's inappropriate for me to be in the bathroom at all while she's taking a shower. I think it is efficient because neither of us is willing to use the other bathroom, and I find it's a good time to find out what's going on in her life. Who's right? -- RIGHT OR WRONG IN WISCONSIN

DEAR RIGHT OR WRONG: Your wife is correct. It's not a matter of "right or wrong." It's a matter of what is appropriate.

At 12, your daughter is becoming a young woman. Either you or Lia needs to start using the downstairs bathroom. If you can't agree on who that will be, then draw straws. You can bond with her over breakfast.

DEAR ABBY: My old college roommate "Gina" and I live several states apart, but we have remained close over the years. Whenever I call her, her husband picks up an extension and listens in. We don't know he's listening until he says something. Other times, he'll stand next to her and constantly interrupt her while we're talking. He has his own friends and hobbies, and Gina does not know why he keeps butting in.

I have spoken to him when she is unavailable to make him feel involved, but this three-way conversation is bugging me. Since Gina appears to be unable to tell him to cut it out, what should I do? -- MIFFED IN MADISON

DEAR MIFFED: I see no reason why you shouldn't tell Gina -- whether her husband is listening or not -- how intrusive you feel her husband's eavesdropping is and that you would like your conversations to be private. After that, it will be up to her to decide where to draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: I am fortunate. I come from a close and loving family. Even though we have come through some difficult times recently, it has drawn us closer, strengthened our love and fueled our resolve to support each other no matter what.

So why am I writing? I am so full of love and emotion that it's not unusual for me to cry frequently. When we say goodbye after a visit, I cry more than anyone else. My daughter says it's a real downer -- and others feel awkward. So how does one turn off the flow of tears? -- TEARY-EYED IN ALABAMA

DEAR TEARY-EYED: As long as a person understands the reason why she (or he) is crying -- and it isn't because of displaced emotions -- tears are nothing to be embarrassed about, and I see no reason to stifle them. However, it's one thing to shed a few tears and another to come completely unglued. Because your display of emotion makes "others feel awkward," and if this is new behavior, it may be time to consult your physician to determine what's triggering the waterworks.