DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Paula," and I have a friend I'll call "Mark." I recently learned that before our wedding, Mark made a pass at Paula. (He was separated from his wife at the time.) Paula told him she wasn't interested.

I also found out that Paula kissed Mark while we were having some difficulties during the past couple of years. But when Mark and his wife worked things out, he told Paula the behavior had to end.

When I ask my wife about these things, she's honest and tells me what happened. I try to keep an open mind and get past it, but haven't been able to.

It doesn't help that Mark visits Paula at her job several times a week, and she stays there socializing with him after she's done working. I'd estimate they spend at least 10 hours a week together. I don't like to be around them anymore because they're always touching and poking each other. I actually counted 22 "touches" once when I was with them for a couple of hours.

I have told my wife I'm uncomfortable with their relationship, especially because of the past kissing business. She says I should stop being insecure and that they're just friends. I feel she is choosing their friendship over our marriage. Please help me figure out what to do. -- LEFT OUT IN MAINE

DEAR LEFT OUT: Mark isn't your friend. And to say that Paula is insensitive to your feelings would be an understatement. What makes you uncomfortable is their obvious physical attraction, an example of which is the fact they can't keep their hands off each other.

Because you can't seem to get through to your wife, enlist the help of a licensed marriage counselor. Tell Paula you're making an appointment with a therapist and invite her along. If she refuses, go without her. What's happening is unfair to you, and you need an ally.

DEAR ABBY: I am slightly overweight and want to lose 5 to 10 pounds. I admittedly have little self-control and always eat whatever is put in front of me.

My problem is my wife continues to stock cookies, ice cream and other goodies in the house. Even though I have asked her on many occasions to stop, she refuses to honor my requests. She says "the kids" shouldn't have to suffer because of my lack of self-control.

Abby, I'd like our kids to eat better, too. What should I do? I'd hate to split up over this issue because we have preteens and everything else is going well. -- FRUSTRATED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: The print and television media have, for some time, been filled with stories about the importance of children learning healthy eating habits and urging parents to not only stock the fridge and pantry with healthy snacks, but also to set a good example. Your wife may have missed all of this, or she may have some ulterior motive for making sure you don't lose the weight.

Should this end an otherwise good marriage? No, but please understand that if you do not draw the line, your children may also wind up paying the price.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I need an unbiased opinion. I am the father of a 12-year-old daughter, "Lia." She catches an early morning bus for school, and I leave for work at the same time her bus picks her up, so I'm in charge of getting her ready in the morning.

Although we have two bathrooms -- one upstairs and one down -- neither of us wants to use the downstairs bathroom to get ready. All our stuff is upstairs.

When I wake Lia up each morning, she heads into the shower and I go feed the dog. I then go into the bathroom and shave while she's in the shower. While I'm shaving we discuss sports and life in general. When I'm finished, I leave until she's done showering and goes back into her room. I then take my shower.

Is this wrong? Lia's mother thinks it's inappropriate for me to be in the bathroom at all while she's taking a shower. I think it is efficient because neither of us is willing to use the other bathroom, and I find it's a good time to find out what's going on in her life. Who's right? -- RIGHT OR WRONG IN WISCONSIN

DEAR RIGHT OR WRONG: Your wife is correct. It's not a matter of "right or wrong." It's a matter of what is appropriate.

At 12, your daughter is becoming a young woman. Either you or Lia needs to start using the downstairs bathroom. If you can't agree on who that will be, then draw straws. You can bond with her over breakfast.

DEAR ABBY: My old college roommate "Gina" and I live several states apart, but we have remained close over the years. Whenever I call her, her husband picks up an extension and listens in. We don't know he's listening until he says something. Other times, he'll stand next to her and constantly interrupt her while we're talking. He has his own friends and hobbies, and Gina does not know why he keeps butting in.

I have spoken to him when she is unavailable to make him feel involved, but this three-way conversation is bugging me. Since Gina appears to be unable to tell him to cut it out, what should I do? -- MIFFED IN MADISON

DEAR MIFFED: I see no reason why you shouldn't tell Gina -- whether her husband is listening or not -- how intrusive you feel her husband's eavesdropping is and that you would like your conversations to be private. After that, it will be up to her to decide where to draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: I am fortunate. I come from a close and loving family. Even though we have come through some difficult times recently, it has drawn us closer, strengthened our love and fueled our resolve to support each other no matter what.

So why am I writing? I am so full of love and emotion that it's not unusual for me to cry frequently. When we say goodbye after a visit, I cry more than anyone else. My daughter says it's a real downer -- and others feel awkward. So how does one turn off the flow of tears? -- TEARY-EYED IN ALABAMA

DEAR TEARY-EYED: As long as a person understands the reason why she (or he) is crying -- and it isn't because of displaced emotions -- tears are nothing to be embarrassed about, and I see no reason to stifle them. However, it's one thing to shed a few tears and another to come completely unglued. Because your display of emotion makes "others feel awkward," and if this is new behavior, it may be time to consult your physician to determine what's triggering the waterworks.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, I realized that my mother's eyesight and reflexes weren't what they once were, but she insisted on remaining behind the wheel. She was afraid of losing her independence if she gave up driving. Then she had a traffic accident that shook her enough to make her finally relinquish her keys -- but she wasn't happy about it.

The solution I came up with was to sell her car, put the money in an interest-bearing account, and contract with a local cab company to have a taxi at Mom's assisted-living facility whenever she needed transportation. Instead of billing her, they would send me an itemized statement and add a 20 percent gratuity, so Mom wouldn't have to worry about tipping.

In addition, they also agreed to carry Mother's packages and groceries to her door, and if she'd be less than a half-hour at her destination, the cab would wait for her. The company even agreed to use only three drivers, so Mom could get to know them.

When I visited her for dinner soon after these arrangements were made, I learned she was the hit of her assisted-living facility! Other residents told me what a great idea the taxi service was. What I didn't realize at the time was that Mom was inviting everyone there to come with her -- her treat -- to department stores, the market, even the theater. Prior to this, few of them got out at night because of poor eyesight or fear of being alone.

Using the interest-earning account and realizing the savings of not having to pay car insurance, upkeep, gas, etc., nobody was out of pocket. Mother was safe, and she discovered many new friends where she lived.

While Mom never totally forgave me for selling her car, I know she enjoyed her new freedom. And I was touched to meet all three of her taxi drivers when they came to her funeral. -- CARL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CARL: You made your mother's transition as painless as it could possibly be. Congratulations for finding a clever solution to a sticky problem. No one wants to give up driving and the independence that goes with it. But at some point, everyone who lives long enough must.

DEAR ABBY: Want another letter for your "Can you top this?" file? I have one for you.

My wife and I were invited to a 25th wedding anniversary party for my brother and his wife. We arrived with a gift, as did the other guests. It was a lovely gathering, and everyone congratulated "Bob and Mary" on their 25 wedded years.

A little over a year ago, Bob and Mary "separated." Imagine our family's surprise when Bob revealed that he and Mary had been divorced eight years earlier! Our family had no idea and neither did their friends.

Abby, this couple thought they were "entitled" to a 25th anniversary party and all the presents that go with it -- which they kept, by the way. Some folks will do anything for gifts, I guess. -- DISILLUSIONED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: Some people will do almost anything to keep up appearances. But faking a marriage eight years after the union has been dissolved is carrying things a bit too far -- and accepting 25th anniversary gifts for a marriage that's been over for almost a decade is out of the ballpark.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)