DEAR ABBY: My boss wants my cell phone number for "work purposes." He has trouble with limits, and I am reluctant to give it to him. I don't want to receive text messages, unsolicited calls or contact outside of work. My private life is just that -- private.

I have kept an unlisted cell number for many years for good reason. I have a home phone and will answer it when the boss calls. I arrive promptly at work, but leave the job there.

My privacy is important. I had a bad marriage, and there was stalking and invasion by my ex-husband. Those individuals who need my cell number have access to it.

Am I out of line? I realize that many people use their cell phones as their only phones and others don't mind receiving calls, but am I required to do so?

I think this has upset my boss even though I have explained my reason. I don't use my cell phone on the job; it's in my purse except during personal time (lunch, etc.). Must I give up my privacy to keep my job? -- WANTS PRIVACY

DEAR WANTS PRIVACY: As long as your boss has your home phone and can reach you in case of some emergency, I see no reason why he should be pressuring you for your cell phone number. Stick to your guns and don't apologize for it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl whose parents have been married for almost 19 years. Mom started school two years ago to become a nurse.

She has always been an independent woman, but since she went back to school and is making her own money, she feels the need to be more free. Mom works eight to 12 hours a day. She leaves early and comes home late. She never stays for dinner when she's home, nor does she do anything with us as a family anymore. She used to work in the same study as my dad, but she moved upstairs. She also won't sleep in the same bed as Dad.

Mom is seeing a marriage counselor, and she wants a divorce and to move away. She says nothing is broken in the marriage and there's nothing to fix -- but why does she want to leave? She promises she won't see less of us, but she will be more than a half-hour away. She works nonstop and is constantly going out with her friends. I miss her, and I want my old Mom back! Is there any way I can stop her from going? Am I selfish for wanting her to stay? -- SHAKEN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SHAKEN: You are going through a rough period, and you have my sympathy. Your mother appears to be so preoccupied with herself that she has forgotten she's a mother. Under the circumstances, all of your feelings are normal. Of course you want your mother and your old life back, and those feelings aren't "selfish."

While you can't stop your mother from leaving, you can ask her if you can join her during a couple of her therapy sessions so you can air your feelings in a safe environment and get some of the answers you're looking for. There are very real changes going on in your life and your parents'. You deserve some answers, and you are old enough to hear them.

DEAR ABBY: Please print this for me on behalf of myself and all the other well-intentioned folks out there who have lent money to others.

"Dear Friend, Family Member or Co-Worker: You came to me in a state of panic -- unable to make your car payment, pay your lawyer's fee, your taxes or the light bill. You asked for my help. I gave it to you because I respected and trusted you enough to go out on a limb for you. Please honor your promise to repay me without my having to ask you.

"Please don't show up in a new car or with photos on your new cell phone from your exotic vacation until I have been repaid. Please don't invent a reason to be 'mad' at me, as if that erases the loan. And please do not ask for another loan while you still owe me money!"

Abby, I know you'll say I should have drawn up official papers for the loan but, the truth is, few people expect to be shafted by the people they care about. All someone who owes money has to do is pick up the phone, initiate a payment plan and then stick to it. -- FEELING USED IN NEW BRIGHTON, PA.

DEAR FEELING USED: Your problem isn't a new one. William Shakespeare wrote, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." I would be remiss if I didn't stress to you -- and the rest of my readers -- the importance of talking to a lawyer or CPA before lending any significant amount of money to anyone. (By "significant" I mean any amount that you can't afford to lose.) If papers are drawn up and for some reason the borrower is unable to repay the loan, there could be a tax benefit for the lender.

DEAR ABBY: I have just learned that my husband of 28 years has end-stage leukemia. I worked in the medical field for years and have been around a lot of sick people, but this is "unreal" for me. I'm in a state of shock, and terrified about what lies ahead.

I have told all our children except our daughter, "Pearl." Pearl is pregnant and has miscarried three times. She knows her father hasn't been well, but she doesn't know the current facts. When her father first became ill, Pearl told me that if I ever withheld any critical information about it from her she would never forgive me. She lives in another state, far from us. I am worried if I tell her about her dad's condition she'll have complications with her pregnancy. But if I don't and her dad worsens, Pearl might not get to see him in time.

Am I wrong to keep this from her? Should I tell her? I don't want to increase her stress and risk of having another problem with her pregnancy. -- SUFFERING IN SILENCE

DEAR SUFFERING: When Pearl first learned of her father's diagnosis, she put you on notice. Because your other children know your husband's condition has worsened, what is to prevent one of them from letting something slip?

Call your daughter and let her know her dad's condition has worsened, but that he's getting the best treatment available. Do not announce that he is dying. She'll catch on to that fact as she talks to you, her other siblings and to her father as time progresses.

Much as you would like to, you can't protect Pearl from this reality. Better she experience the loss of her father along with you and her siblings than to learn later that she was left out.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were visiting our children and grandson, "Rhett," age 24. Rhett is a college student who lives at home. He had his girlfriend, "Peggy," who lives in another town, at the house for the weekend.

Rhett and Peggy retired to his room early in the evening. When we saw them at breakfast, they were, basically, uncommunicative. Shortly after, they went to the backyard and immediately climbed into the hammock, where they lay like tightly wound dishrags for the next two hours until it was time for us to leave. Our son and his wife did not awaken them to say goodbye, so we concluded that they had been exhausted by the previous night's activities.

Is this normal behavior in today's world? We realize that we may be "old fogeys" by current standards, but isn't there any line drawn anymore? My son and his wife acted like this was all perfectly fine. -- INVISIBLE GRANDPA IN ARKANSAS

DEAR GRANDPA: Whether Rhett's behavior -- and his parents' tolerance of it -- is "fine" in today's world depends upon the standards in that household. However, there are "family manners" and "company manners." From your description of the goings-on during your visit, and that no effort was made to spend any quality time with you, I'd say your grandson's behavior was just plain rude.

That said, Rhett was not entirely to blame. Some fault lies with your son and his wife for tolerating your being ignored and not insisting that you be treated with more courtesy and respect.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Jeff," has not communicated with any of the family -- parents or siblings -- for two years. Nobody knows why. We grew up a close-knit family with lots of love and affection.

About six years ago, Jeff moved with his wife and children to a different state. During the first few years, he stayed in touch via phone calls and e-mails, but suddenly all communication ceased. We know where he lives and have tried contacting him through letters, phone calls and e-mails, but he will not respond. Our parents are devastated and none of us knows what to do.

We have so many questions: Is Jeff hiding something? Is he ill? How are the children? What do we do, Abby? Please help. -- FAMILY IN PAIN

DEAR IN PAIN: Because you have tried everything else, only one thing is left. If at all possible, your parents and the sibling who was closest to Jeff should schedule a visit to the city in which he now resides and pay him a call.

DEAR ABBY: I married a man who owns a duplex with his mother. When the taxes come due there are two sets -- one for each side. The house is not habitable. It needs a lot of work to get it ready.

My mother-in-law thinks her son should pay the taxes on both sides, and also pay to fix up the place. Now that he has a wife, his mother thinks I should help him pay for the house and the taxes. But the deed is "survivorship" with him and his mother. Why should I pay to get it fixed up when his mom makes it clear that if something happens to her son, the house is hers and hers alone? -- TAKEN FOR GRANTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TAKEN FOR GRANTED: Beats me! I wouldn't do it, and neither should you.