DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were visiting our children and grandson, "Rhett," age 24. Rhett is a college student who lives at home. He had his girlfriend, "Peggy," who lives in another town, at the house for the weekend.

Rhett and Peggy retired to his room early in the evening. When we saw them at breakfast, they were, basically, uncommunicative. Shortly after, they went to the backyard and immediately climbed into the hammock, where they lay like tightly wound dishrags for the next two hours until it was time for us to leave. Our son and his wife did not awaken them to say goodbye, so we concluded that they had been exhausted by the previous night's activities.

Is this normal behavior in today's world? We realize that we may be "old fogeys" by current standards, but isn't there any line drawn anymore? My son and his wife acted like this was all perfectly fine. -- INVISIBLE GRANDPA IN ARKANSAS

DEAR GRANDPA: Whether Rhett's behavior -- and his parents' tolerance of it -- is "fine" in today's world depends upon the standards in that household. However, there are "family manners" and "company manners." From your description of the goings-on during your visit, and that no effort was made to spend any quality time with you, I'd say your grandson's behavior was just plain rude.

That said, Rhett was not entirely to blame. Some fault lies with your son and his wife for tolerating your being ignored and not insisting that you be treated with more courtesy and respect.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Jeff," has not communicated with any of the family -- parents or siblings -- for two years. Nobody knows why. We grew up a close-knit family with lots of love and affection.

About six years ago, Jeff moved with his wife and children to a different state. During the first few years, he stayed in touch via phone calls and e-mails, but suddenly all communication ceased. We know where he lives and have tried contacting him through letters, phone calls and e-mails, but he will not respond. Our parents are devastated and none of us knows what to do.

We have so many questions: Is Jeff hiding something? Is he ill? How are the children? What do we do, Abby? Please help. -- FAMILY IN PAIN

DEAR IN PAIN: Because you have tried everything else, only one thing is left. If at all possible, your parents and the sibling who was closest to Jeff should schedule a visit to the city in which he now resides and pay him a call.

DEAR ABBY: I married a man who owns a duplex with his mother. When the taxes come due there are two sets -- one for each side. The house is not habitable. It needs a lot of work to get it ready.

My mother-in-law thinks her son should pay the taxes on both sides, and also pay to fix up the place. Now that he has a wife, his mother thinks I should help him pay for the house and the taxes. But the deed is "survivorship" with him and his mother. Why should I pay to get it fixed up when his mom makes it clear that if something happens to her son, the house is hers and hers alone? -- TAKEN FOR GRANTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TAKEN FOR GRANTED: Beats me! I wouldn't do it, and neither should you.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your response to "Alarmed in Apple Valley" (Aug. 28), who was concerned because her teenage nephew shows so much affection toward his mother. I raised a very affectionate son who, to this day at age 30, hugs and kisses me no matter where we meet. I raised him with the principle that because he is male does not mean he has to hide his feelings as generations before him did. My daughter-in-law tells me often that she could not ask for a better husband and father to her children.

Americans coddle girls when they hurt, but a boy is supposed to "take it like a man" and not express his feelings. I am pleased to know other mothers out there are also raising their sons to be well-rounded, emotionally healthy men. -- PROUD MOM OF A NAVY SON

DEAR PROUD MOM: I advised the "Alarmed" aunt that she was off base in her concerns, and the majority of readers who wrote to comment agreed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Have we become so cynical in this day and age that genuine affection is looked upon as dirty and unsavory? How sad!

My 22-year-old daughter hangs on me and smooches me (and her father and grandparents) in public. It's a great feeling for parents to know their kid loves them and isn't embarrassed to be seen with them. (Too many of them are.) The aunt who complained about her nephew kissing his mother on the cheek and putting his arm around her may have intimacy problems that she's projecting onto her sister. -- LESLIE IN SELMA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I hope "Alarmed in Apple Valley" doesn't end up doing what my sister did when she saw the display of affection between my 11-year-old daughter and me, her dad. My sister's "concern" prompted her to coerce her adult son into visiting my clergyperson about it. A short investigation found me innocent of wrongdoing but left me with my innocence violated. Relationships were drastically altered -- especially between my sister and me. Eventually, I came to realize why she was so suspicious of abuse. She herself was willing to abuse -- the church, her son, her brother and her niece. -- WISER NOW IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR ABBY: I was never prouder of my son than when a friend of his said to him, "You hug your mom in public?" (It was after a game.) I was the one to hold back in public because I didn't want to embarrass my son who was a "big guy on campus." My boy's simple reply to his friend was, "Don't you?" It was never questioned again.

No child should ever feel it's wrong to show affection to his or her parents. For me, having a 15-year-old who wasn't embarrassed to be seen with his mother was huge. I agree with you, Abby. Some people read evil into everything and that's a shame. -- KARIN IN CHELMSFORD, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Alarmed" included a French saying that translates "Evil be he who thinks evil of it." That saying originated in England, where the highest, most ancient order of knighthood is the Order of the Garter. Around 1340, King Edward III was dancing at a formal ball with the Countess of Salisbury. During the dance, she dropped her garter. The king picked it up, put it on his own leg, looked at the others present and said, "Honi soit qui mal y pense" (Shame on him who thinks evil of it), then gallantly returned it to her.

Margaret Murray writes in her 1931 book "The God of the Witches" that it would have taken more than a dropped garter to embarrass a woman in the 14th century. The garter was probably a ritual one, signifying that the countess was a pagan leader -- a priestess of witchcraft. To drop the garter before the high dignitaries of the church could certainly have caused embarrassment. Edward's smart gesture in placing it on his own leg not only saved face for the countess but demonstrated his willingness to be a leader of the pagan population of England as well as the Christian. So I've heard ... MARK D. DUNN, GARLAND, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I have a 19-year-old daughter, "Caitlin," whom I love very much. Despite a few rocky periods, we have a great relationship.

Caitlin moved in with her fiance shortly after she turned 18, and they were married a few months ago. After she left, I went through an "empty nest" period because it was the first time I was alone in 18 years.

When my daughter started coming to visit once a week, I was thrilled. It was sad when she had to leave, but I looked forward to "our days." Then I had to have surgery, and Caitlin came to take care of me. I have since recovered, but now -- two months later -- she's still visiting every day. She sits around watching TV and wants me to sit with her.

I love spending time with my daughter, but frankly, I need a break! I have tried "hinting" that she has her own house, pets and husband, and it would be fine if she didn't visit every day. It falls on deaf ears.

I don't want to hurt Caitlin's feelings, but I got used to being alone, and I miss it sometimes. How can I get her to stop coming over so often without making her think I don't want her? -- CRAVING SOME SOLITUDE IN ARKANSAS

DEAR CRAVING: It's possible that when you had the surgery your daughter was afraid she would lose you, and now she's having separation anxieties of her own. It's time for a frank talk with her.

It's unusual for a bride to have so much free time on her hands. She should be using at least some of it to build a life of her own. Could there be a problem in her marriage? Her husband can't be thrilled that she's spending so much time at your place. Or does she lack direction?

What's going on isn't healthy for either of you. So speak up and establish some ground rules. If you prefer that she visit only once a week, say so. Your daughter needs to "get a life," and you are entitled to one apart from her.

DEAR ABBY: I had a bad cold a few weeks ago, and while waiting in my doctor's office, I occupied myself by reading one of the many magazines he keeps there for patients. It occurred to me later that the magazine I had been holding had also been handled by countless other sick patients during the weeks it had laid there.

Couldn't those magazines be carriers of innumerable germs that could infect visiting patients? Is it possible that providing reading material in hospitals or doctors' waiting rooms could actually be an unhealthy practice? -- GERM THEORIST IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR GERM THEORIST: Yes, I think so. And the door handles, elevator buttons, chart clipboard and pens could also be loaded with germs. That's why it's a good idea to always carry disinfectant gel or wipes with you.

P.S. If a valet takes your car or the keys -- or hands you change ... oh, Lord, I'm beginning to sound like Howard Hughes.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper title for your mother's third husband? I have looked everywhere and can't find an answer. I know that her second husband is my stepfather, but I am curious what the third one is called. -- NAME DROPPER IN ALABAMA

DEAR NAME DROPPER: Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines the "stepfather" as "the husband of one's mother when distinct from one's natural or legal father." He could also be referred to as your mother's husband, or simply by his given name.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)