DEAR ABBY: I have a 19-year-old daughter, "Caitlin," whom I love very much. Despite a few rocky periods, we have a great relationship.

Caitlin moved in with her fiance shortly after she turned 18, and they were married a few months ago. After she left, I went through an "empty nest" period because it was the first time I was alone in 18 years.

When my daughter started coming to visit once a week, I was thrilled. It was sad when she had to leave, but I looked forward to "our days." Then I had to have surgery, and Caitlin came to take care of me. I have since recovered, but now -- two months later -- she's still visiting every day. She sits around watching TV and wants me to sit with her.

I love spending time with my daughter, but frankly, I need a break! I have tried "hinting" that she has her own house, pets and husband, and it would be fine if she didn't visit every day. It falls on deaf ears.

I don't want to hurt Caitlin's feelings, but I got used to being alone, and I miss it sometimes. How can I get her to stop coming over so often without making her think I don't want her? -- CRAVING SOME SOLITUDE IN ARKANSAS

DEAR CRAVING: It's possible that when you had the surgery your daughter was afraid she would lose you, and now she's having separation anxieties of her own. It's time for a frank talk with her.

It's unusual for a bride to have so much free time on her hands. She should be using at least some of it to build a life of her own. Could there be a problem in her marriage? Her husband can't be thrilled that she's spending so much time at your place. Or does she lack direction?

What's going on isn't healthy for either of you. So speak up and establish some ground rules. If you prefer that she visit only once a week, say so. Your daughter needs to "get a life," and you are entitled to one apart from her.

DEAR ABBY: I had a bad cold a few weeks ago, and while waiting in my doctor's office, I occupied myself by reading one of the many magazines he keeps there for patients. It occurred to me later that the magazine I had been holding had also been handled by countless other sick patients during the weeks it had laid there.

Couldn't those magazines be carriers of innumerable germs that could infect visiting patients? Is it possible that providing reading material in hospitals or doctors' waiting rooms could actually be an unhealthy practice? -- GERM THEORIST IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR GERM THEORIST: Yes, I think so. And the door handles, elevator buttons, chart clipboard and pens could also be loaded with germs. That's why it's a good idea to always carry disinfectant gel or wipes with you.

P.S. If a valet takes your car or the keys -- or hands you change ... oh, Lord, I'm beginning to sound like Howard Hughes.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper title for your mother's third husband? I have looked everywhere and can't find an answer. I know that her second husband is my stepfather, but I am curious what the third one is called. -- NAME DROPPER IN ALABAMA

DEAR NAME DROPPER: Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines the "stepfather" as "the husband of one's mother when distinct from one's natural or legal father." He could also be referred to as your mother's husband, or simply by his given name.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have strong feelings about the word "love." I use it only when I truly mean it. My husband's family, however, bandies it about as a common word.

How does one respond when someone says "I love you" when you know he or she doesn't mean it and is only saying it as a pleasantry? I hate saying it back to someone I don't really love. I feel the phrase should be reserved only when you are saying it from the heart. Any advice on what I should say, if anything at all? -- KEEPING MUM IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR KEEPING MUM: Because you are part of the extended family, and family is supposed to "love" each other, the expected and appropriate response would be, "I love you too, darlin'!" But since you can't bring yourself to go that far, just coo in return, "And you're such a love to say that!"

DEAR ABBY: I know it may seem early, but this is the best time to start thinking about the Christmas holidays. Can you offer suggestions on what to buy for family and friends? Money is tight in this economy, and lots of good folks are out of work.

This issue will present itself for everyone. What can parents buy or give to their children and vice versa? -- LOOKING AHEAD IN VISTA, CALIF.

DEAR LOOKING AHEAD: Money IS tight in this economy, and the unemployment figures are mind-boggling. For too long, every holiday has been turned into an opportunity to induce people to shop, shop, shop and buy, buy, buy. That's why I'm suggesting we stop for a moment, examine what's really important about the Christmas season, and focus on that instead of spending money.

The time has come to seriously return to the basics. The most precious gift one can give is the gift of self. A meaningful example of the spirit of giving would be to volunteer some time as a family to serve food, or collect and distribute toys and clothing at a shelter or program for people who are in dire straits.

DEAR ABBY: After our father's death last year, my brother, "Rex," and I moved in with our mother to help her out emotionally and financially. Rex and I have always respected each other's privacy and have always supported each other.

Rex has put a lock on his door, which makes Mom and me feel as if he doesn't trust us enough to respect his privacy. We have never invaded his space or given him cause not to trust us. He is a caring, considerate person, financially stable, socially active, and helps Mom out with any repairs needed around the house. I love him dearly, but I am puzzled that he feels he needs to lock his room as if we are not trustworthy.

My feelings are hurt. Our family has never had trust issues before. What do you think of his behavior, and am I being overly sensitive? -- OPEN-DOOR SIS IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR SIS: Yes, you are, so please stop personalizing it. Your brother is an adult, and adults are entitled to their privacy -- which, by the way, your brother has sacrificed to some extent by moving back with Mom and you. Respect his boundaries. The lock indicates to me that he feels he needs some.

DEAR ABBY: As a fire officer, I have seen far too many families fall victim to accidental home fires. It is devastating to find out that a life could have been saved if someone had only taken that simple step of replacing a dead battery in a smoke alarm. Nearly 96 percent of American homes have at least one smoke alarm. But did you know that 19 percent of American homes lack a working smoke alarm because the batteries are missing or dead?

For 22 years, the International Association of Fire Chiefs and Energizer have been committed to changing this statistic through the "Change Your Clock Change Your Battery" campaign. This partnership encourages families to change the battery in their smoke alarms when they set their clocks back an hour on Nov. 1. This message also serves as a reminder to communities nationwide to change the batteries in their carbon monoxide detectors.

As winter approaches, more people will begin using gas appliances to heat their homes and may find themselves at risk of carbon monoxide poisoning, called the "silent killer" because this gas is colorless, odorless and tasteless.

Thank you, Abby, for helping us spread this lifesaving message to your readers. -- JEFFREY D. JOHNSON, PRESIDENT, INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF FIRE CHIEFS

DEAR JEFF: I'm glad to help, and I know my readers are grateful for your timely reminder. It may seem like a menial task, but safeguarding yourselves and your families is extremely important -- so change those batteries this weekend!

DEAR ABBY: For the last two years I have been going out with a guy I'll call "Ricky." My problem is I don't love him anymore. A few weeks ago I told him I no longer wanted to be with him, and he started crying. He scared me when he said his life was in my hands.

Abby, I want to end it. Ricky suffocates me. He's depressed because his mom works and doesn't have time for him. His dad doesn't live with them, so Ricky feels he has only me to talk to. He wants to marry me, and I don't want to lie and say I will. It disturbs me that he still wants to be together even though he knows I'm not happy with him. He believes that if he's happy, I will be, too. Please tell me what do. -- TROUBLE IN SALINAS, CALIF.

DEAR TROUBLED: I'm sure the news that you wanted to break up was painful for Ricky to hear -- hence the tears -- but saying his life is in your hands was a form of emotional blackmail. For your sake, please don't fall for it.

Ricky appears to be needy and immature. Call his mother, tell her that you are ending the relationship and that he isn't taking it well. She's in a better position to see he gets emotional and psychological support than you are.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Heather," is trying to trick her husband into having another child. They already have one, but he doesn't think they can handle two.

They have been fighting about this, and it has created problems in their marriage. Heather confided to me recently that she is going to stop using birth control "just to see what will happen," and I'm pretty sure she's not going to tell her husband first.

I wish I didn't know. But now that I do, I'm not sure where my responsibilities lie. Should I tell him, or keep my mouth shut and act surprised when Heather gets pregnant? -- KNOWS TOO MUCH IN BETHESDA

DEAR KNOWS TOO MUCH: This is your best friend. You should tell Heather that she's making a serious mistake. What she is doing is dishonest, underhanded, and could be the final straw that breaks her marriage apart. And yes, you should tip him off. If it isn't already too late, he may want to take precautions.