DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Luke," died young due to drug addiction. When our son, "Adam," misbehaves, my husband blames me. He says Adam is going to end up "just like Luke," and it will be my fault.
My mother bailed my brother out of his problems, but I have never done that with our son. I have told my husband numerous times how cruel it is to suggest Adam could end up like Luke, but he continues to say it and then "remind" me if it happens, it will be because of me.
My husband is a wonderful man in every other way, but he doesn't seem to realize how hurtful and unnecessary his cruel words are when he compares our son to my brother. -- SAD MOM IN TEXAS
DEAR SAD MOM: Wake up and smell the coffee. Your husband realizes exactly how cruel that comparison is, and has since the first time you expressed how deeply hurtful it was. I see nothing helpful or constructive about comparing your son to a boy who died too young and too soon. If it's said in front of Adam often, it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. (Nothing like the power of suggestion.)
So stop feeling victimized and demand that your "wonderful" husband cut it out, because if something should happen, the fault will be HIS.