DEAR ABBY: I have been married nearly a year. My husband and I were together for five years before that. I am his fourth wife.

What's bothering me is he gets most of his mail delivered to his mother's -- things such as his cell phone bill, his paychecks, etc. Everything he owns is in storage in another country. He makes all his phone calls from work and never receives any at home.

I saw his credit report. He has taken out loans I know nothing about.

I love my husband with all my heart, but am I right to think a marriage isn't supposed to be this way? I feel he has two lives. -- IN THE DARK IN TENNESSEE

DEAR IN THE DARK: I don't know how many lives your husband is living, but the answer to your question is no, a marriage is not supposed to be the way yours is. Your husband's behavior is unusually secretive -- and when people are secretive, it is usually because they have something to hide.

There are many red flags in your letter, and because of that I'm advising you to talk to an attorney and find out how loans taken out without your knowledge could affect you.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend gets weirded out and angry when I hold my kids from a previous marriage in my lap and want her to be close to me at the same time. She says it's "gross and inappropriate."

She acts like I am trying to be sexual with her, but I'm not -- I'm just trying to have her near me while I'm sitting on the couch with my children. She says I should only be affectionate with them and her separately.

Am I the one with the problem here, or what? -- DAD IN LAKEWOOD, WASH.

DEAR DAD: Your girlfriend may feel competitive with your children, or she may have something in her personal history that makes it difficult for her to differentiate between paternal affection and sexual closeness between adults. If you want concrete answers from her, you need to discuss this subject more fully with her so she can explain why she feels the way she does, because it's odd.

DEAR ABBY: Since my daughter left home several years ago, I have become extremely anxious on Sundays. In the afternoons it feels like the walls are closing in on me. I feel so depressed I have to leave the house.

If I go someplace that is open and unconfined, with lots of people around, I feel fine. When I return to my house in the early evening and dote on my pets, I get back to feeling normal.

Abby, some people have said I suffer from "empty nest syndrome." Others say it's "cabin fever." Any thoughts on what I can do about this? -- PHIL IN PHOENIX

DEAR PHIL: If your daughter left on a Sunday, that may be the reason you become depressed and anxious on that particular day of the week. Or because you are less busy and distracted on Sundays, you become more aware of the fact you are alone. Whether you're experiencing "empty nest syndrome" or "cabin fever" is irrelevant. Discuss your feelings of depression and claustrophobia with a licensed mental health professional so you can be properly diagnosed and receive help for your problem.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: The other day my kids asked me why I'm always so angry. I didn't know how to respond. I'm angry that they think their dad is "wonderful" because he plays with them all day (he's not working), takes them to get fast food (instead of cooking something healthy), and because he's their coach (he is having an emotional affair with one of the parents).

I assign chores to the kids because things never get done when I ask my husband to do them. If I remind them "It's trash day" or "Don't forget to vacuum the living room," my husband steps in and says, "I'll do it for you, Billy/Jane," which makes me the bad guy. I know if I ask for a divorce, the kids will want to live with him.

How do I explain this to them? And what do I tell my friends when they ask what a pretty, fit, successful woman like me is doing with an overweight, unemployed, lazy man like him? He's more personable than I am, but the stress of being the sole breadwinner has taken its toll on me. -- NEEDING ANSWERS, LEVITTOWN, PA.

DEAR NEEDING ANSWERS: You're overwhelmed right now, and with the load you're carrying, it's no wonder. You, your husband and the children are overdue for a frank sit-down chat.

It would not be out of line to tell them that the reason you appear to be angry is you are doing it all -- carrying the load financially and being the responsible parent. It would also not be out of line to let them know that every member of the family is expected to do their part, which is why you have assigned them chores -- because Dad is too busy coaching to remember to do it.

As to the fast-food diet, your husband is doing the children -- and himself -- no favors, and he is setting a terrible example.

Now, about your friends: Be honest. Tell them that you married your husband because you loved him at the time, and you are sticking with it because if you dump him, you may wind up supporting him anyway.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and have just started high school. I have been told I'm beautiful. Most times I feel that way, except for one thing -- I hate my nose! I don't want to sound ungrateful for my looks. I know I'm not the only girl who has a flaw and wants to change it. I just want your opinion.

From the front you can't tell my nose is messed up. But viewed from the side, there's a bump in the middle. It's also sort of crooked and just too big. I'm starting to be self-conscious about it. I don't like people looking at me from the side, but it's hard to prevent.

I have been researching plastic surgery online. At my age, my parents won't let me get a nose job, but I don't want to wait until I'm 18. Some kids have commented about my nose, but mainly I want to do this for me. It would make me feel better about myself. What am I supposed to do? -- SELF-CONSCIOUS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SELF-CONSCIOUS: For now, stop looking at yourself in a magnifying mirror and obsessing about your "flaws." You may -- or may not -- want to consider plastic surgery in a few years. I say in a few years because at 14 your features are not yet fully developed. A nose that seems "too big" now may be exactly the right size in a couple of years. If you are still displeased about the bump, there is time to have it smoothed out.

But for now you should wait and develop your personality and your intellect so that people notice you for more than your looks. I'm sure you have many qualities that make you special -- and remember, what makes us unique is sometimes what we mistake as our "flaws."

DEAR ABBY: A woman I work with is pregnant. While this may seem like exciting news, it is the opposite. She is already depressed and often talks about suicide.

My real concern is for her baby. She often says how, if she has a girl, she'll drown it, suffocate it, etc. She says it openly. Everyone in the office has heard her make these statements.

The baby's father is an alcoholic, and he is the one who wants the kid -- not her. She already has an older child she has nothing to do with.

I feel something should be done to keep her baby from being harmed, but what can I do? Can Child Protective Services be of any help when it comes to an unborn baby? Or should we co-workers speak up and ask her to seek help? -- WORRIED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WORRIED: Of course you should speak up! Hormones have a lot to do with the way people think and react -- as anyone knows who has had anything to do with women who suffer from PMS. Your co-worker should be urged to level with her OB/GYN about the feelings she is experiencing.

I discussed your letter with Child Protective Services and was informed that no intervention can be done until a baby is actually born. However, when your co-worker goes to the hospital to have her child, you should notify the hospital officials because, if necessary, an intervention can be done, and CPS can become involved when she delivers.

It goes without saying that when anyone talks about suicide, that person should be advised to discuss their feelings with a counselor at one of the suicide prevention hotlines. Both numbers are toll-free: (800) 784-2433 and (800) 273-8255.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old woman, fairly mature, intelligent and stable. I'm 5-foot-3 and wear a size 5 or 6.

I have this friend, "Tish," who is stunningly gorgeous. She looks like a model, stands about 5-foot-8 and wears a size 1 or 2. She dresses stylishly and has the figure to pull off many outfits that I never could. Tish is also a nice person who has never said anything to put me down. I feel no ill will toward her, just inferior when I'm around her.

I have had super-short hair most of my life, but have been growing it out for the past year to "reinvent" myself. When I saw Tish last week, she had donated her shoulder-length hair to Locks of Love and now sports an ultra-chic haircut that makes her look better than I ever did. I cried for almost an hour after she left.

I know my feelings are stupid and childish. Not only do I feel ugly externally next to Tish, but also internally ugly for being so hung-up on appearance when she hasn't done me any wrong. How can I get rid of these unwanted feelings? -- PALE IN COMPARISON

DEAR PALE: You say you feel inferior when you're around Tish. How do you feel when you're not around her? And why are you constantly comparing yourself to her?

It's important for your future that you figure out what's behind it, because unless you do, your feelings of inferiority will extend beyond this one individual. When you begin to like yourself more, you'll feel less "pale" when you're around others -- including your friend Tish.

Please discuss this with a licensed counselor, and if that's not possible right now, then it might be better for both of you to spend less time together.