DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old boy who has known for as long as I can remember that my parents would eventually divorce. I can't remember a day in my life without their constant fighting. Dad has been out of the house for a year now, and our home situation is better.

My sisters, on the other hand, are torn apart. They cry at the mention of the word divorce, which has yet to happen. My older sister is having problems at school and self-esteem issues. My younger sister cries for things to be the way they were -- even though everyone was unhappy.

My mother and I recognize that we are happier and are ready to make changes, like moving into a new house and proceeding with the divorce. But because of my sisters, she has asked me if my father should move back in. I desperately want progress, but feel it won't ever come. How can we all let go? -- TEEN IN STATEN ISLAND

DEAR TEEN: A mother should not be asking her 15-year-old son whether she should be giving her marriage another try. If she's ambivalent, she should make that decision with the help of a therapist -- which might also be extremely helpful for you and your sisters.

All of you are experiencing the stress of the impending divorce, and you have my sympathy. But when a marriage is as dysfunctional as your parents' has been, sometimes the sanest answer for all concerned is that it come to an end.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I agreed to help her sister and our niece by allowing them to stay with us in our home due to financial hardship on their part. They pay only their share of the utilities; no rent is included.

We have recently learned that they're not really having a financial problem. My sister-in-law lied to us about their situation. In fact, she makes more money than I do, and she's putting half her earnings into her retirement investment account. What is the right way to approach this problem? -- DECEIVED IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR DECEIVED: Your sister-in-law's behavior is reprehensible. As I see it, you have a couple of choices. You can take the indirect approach by clipping this letter, attaching it to a large piece of paper and printing on it, "You have three days to make other living arrangements," and leaving it on your sister-in-law's pillow. Or the direct one, which would be to tell her that the jig is up, she's no longer welcome under your roof, and you want her and her daughter to pack their bags immediately.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a teacher who is concerned by the trend of families displaying caricatures of their family members, along with the names, on the back of their car windows. Some of them not only list every child's name, but also the name of the family pet!

While this may seem cute, it is also advertising personal information to complete strangers. Anyone could approach your children, call them by name, convince them they know the family, and then kidnap them or worse. Why wouldn't they trust someone who even knows their dog's name?

Please print this to raise awareness among parents who may not realize the consequences of such a thoughtless action. -- CONCERNED TEACHER, YORBA LINDA, CALIF.

DEAR CONCERNED TEACHER: Consider it done.

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DEAR ABBY: I have become alarmed by my mother's recent habit of "Googling" people. She digs up things about my friends and calls to report them to me. The list of those she has researched on the Internet ranges from friends I haven't talked to in years, to an ex-boyfriend of hers against whom she filed a restraining order.

This isn't the first time she has searched for information on people. I find it downright creepy. She claims she's doing it to "protect her daughters from Internet stalkers." But the problem is, SHE'S the one stalking people on the Internet. Often they aren't even people she knows well or was ever friends with.

I'm concerned that this could lead to greater degrees of paranoia and controlling behavior -- to which she is prone -- and I am only seeing a small part of a much bigger problem. What do I do? -- ALARMED IN ATLANTA

DEAR ALARMED: You can't stop your mother from trolling the Internet, which contains enormous amounts of information on just about everybody. You can, however, stop your mother from trying to control your life by "sharing" the results of her searches.

The most direct way to do it would be to tell her when she calls with her latest "news flash" that you're not interested and don't want to hear it. If she persists, tell her you're too busy to talk right now and get off the phone. Your mother may be paranoid, but she can only be controlling if you allow it.

DEAR ABBY: I met the most amazing guy. He's in grad school, has a job, his own home, loves music, movies and good food -- he can even cook.

We exchanged phone numbers, and I was excited about finally meeting a man who could be "the one." And then he casually dropped a bomb on me: He told me he has herpes. I thought he was kidding, but he said: "I live stress-free, so I never break out. Herpes is no big deal."

He left voicemails asking if we can go out on a date soon, and I had to tell him I just couldn't date someone with herpes. My male friends support me, so why do I feel so guilty about this? Is it wrong of me not to date someone because of his STD status? -- FEELING MISERABLE IN GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR FEELING MISERABLE: I don't think so. And it was OK to be honest about your feelings, so stop feeling guilty. While herpes isn't life-threatening, it is NOT "no big deal." And while the young man in your letter may "never break out," the virus is shed all the time. That's how the disease is spread, and it is widespread. If you need more information, I recommend you discuss this with your OB/GYN or visit the Web site of ASHA (American Social Health Association) at www.ashastd.org.

DEAR ABBY: After we laid my mother-in-law to rest, my wife discovered a box of letters her parents had written to each other. Her father was stationed overseas during WWII.

My wife is agonizing over whether to read them or destroy them. Because her mother's passing was unexpected, no instructions were made. Should my wife read them as a way to share the experiences of my in-laws' love for each other or consider them so private they are inviolable? -- STUCK FOR AN ANSWER IN OHIO

DEAR STUCK: Reading them might give your wife new insight into her parents, the challenges they faced and an opportunity to view them in the bloom of their youth. They could also be historically significant. That said, however, if she thinks her mother would have preferred that the letters be destroyed, she should follow her conscience.

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DEAR ABBY: My sister "Tricia's" daughters, ages 5 and 7, are my only nieces. A few weeks ago, I sent the 7-year-old a gift for her birthday. When I didn't get a response, I called my sister to ask if it had arrived. Tricia said, "Oh, yeah, we got it. We've been busy and so we didn't open it. We'll get to it someday." I felt terrible knowing my niece didn't get the gift on her birthday and didn't know I had remembered her.

I have since learned that my nieces weren't given the gifts I sent last Christmas, either, which explains why I didn't receive thank-you notes. Tricia told me her girls get lots of presents so she limits when they can have them. She gives them as rewards or saves them for rainy days.

The younger daughter's birthday is coming up, and now I'm wondering what to do. I don't want to spend the time or money picking out something she may never see. Should I just send a card? Or call to wish her a happy birthday?

My sister is generous with my kids. They open the gifts right away and send thank-you notes. How do I reciprocate? -- HURT IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR HURT: By intercepting your gifts and presenting them as "rewards" or "saving them for a rainy day," your sister is defeating their purpose and may be taking the credit that should be going to you. Your nieces should absolutely know that you think of them on their birthdays and other holidays.

By all means call them and send cards. And start contributing to a college fund for them. Although they may not appreciate right now what a thoughtful gift you are giving them, I guarantee they will in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good relationship with my 84-year-old mother, but it's difficult to spend time with her because during the past year she has started hitting me. She does not appear to be angry when she does it. She'll do it if I say something she thinks is funny, when I do something nice or for no reason at all.

It hurts me physically and emotionally when she hits me. I have asked her repeatedly to please not do it, but she persists. I wasn't abused as a child, so I don't understand what's going on. Any ideas? -- BRUISED IN SPRINGFIELD

DEAR BRUISED: I have a suspicion. I have written before that any significant change in a senior's behavior or personality should be reported to his or her doctor. Your mother may need to be physically and neurologically evaluated because it's possible that she doesn't remember that you have asked her not to hit you. My advice is to have your mother checked out, and if I'm right, you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is divorced from my grandson "Cody's" father, "Mitch." Cody is only 8, and when Mitch makes plans with him and then doesn't show up or even bother to call, of course Cody is sad.

I can't stand to see my grandson hurt over and over again. How can I help him get through these difficult times? -- PROTECTIVE NANA IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR PROTECTIVE NANA: It isn't possible to shield your grandson entirely from his father's neglect. However, you might lessen his disappointment by making alternative plans to do something with him if his father is a no-show. And if Cody has uncles, a grandfather or other male influences in his life, perhaps they could step up to the plate on some of those occasions when his father strikes out.

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