DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 23 years. Not once in all those 23 years have I ever received an apology from her.
She spilled mustard on my shirt while she was reaching across a table. It was my fault for not handing her a napkin she was reaching for.
While we were playing racquetball she drilled me in the back with the ball and left a huge and painful welt. Again, nothing.
She charged $4,000 on a credit card and didn't tell me. She said it was "my fault" -- she was "getting back at me" for spending too much time at work. After talking and counseling, I still received no apology.
I'm not perfect, and we have other issues in the marriage, but I am at a loss as to why she won't apologize for anything -- even injuring me in an accident. She spins every argument so she can win. Why won't my wife say "I'm sorry"? -- HARASSED HUSBAND IN IDAHO
DEAR HUSBAND: I strongly suspect it's because she isn't sorry. What she is is angry and has a need to punish you. The safest way to do that for her is through an "accident."
More than needing an answer from me, what you need is insight from a licensed psychotherapist to help you understand not only why your wife acts out the way she does -- but also why you would continue to tolerate it for 23 years.