DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old male high school sophomore in what I think is a pretty common predicament. A lot of my friends have had sex, and some are having it pretty regularly. Abby, I've never even kissed a girl!

How can I deflect attention from myself when my friends ask me how far I've gone? And what can I do to make sure I am not in this spot forever? -- IN THE MINORITY IN PALATINE, ILL.

DEAR IN THE MINORITY: Some of your friends may be having sex, but I have a flash for you. A lot of the boys who say they are may be lying to each other.

You don't need to "deflect" attention from yourself when the guys start asking about something that isn't their business. News has a way of traveling -- fast. If they're your friends, they would know if you were interested in someone and the feeling was mutual. If you're asked, just say you're not seeing anyone.

P.S. In order to kiss a girl (etc.), you first have to become friends with one. Be patient and let nature take its course. You won't be in this "spot" forever. It'll happen when the time is right.

DEAR ABBY: My stepmother would like us to have a closer relationship. She and my father married eight years ago while I was in college. She was his mistress. I don't like her for a variety of reasons not all having to do with the divorce. Until now, it has been easy to remain "cordially distant."

All of a sudden she has become pushy. She says we "have" to be closer and that she's got "rights in my life as my mother." She wants me to call her "Mom" and to get me to tell her I love her. It is not going to happen. But I care about her feelings and also about keeping peace in the family.

How can I let her know that I liked things better when we were more distant and avoid telling her I love her? I need her to back off. Talking to Dad won't help. He's defensive about anything related to his wife and can't understand why everyone doesn't like her as much as he does. -- NOT IN LOVE WITH DAD'S WIFE

DEAR NOT IN LOVE: Your father's "bride" appears to have the hide of an alligator and a voracious appetite to match. She's trying to "devour" you.

It would not be rude to remind the woman that you already have a mother, and as long as you are blessed to have one, you do not intend to call anyone else by her name. As for your being asked to tell her you "love" her, explain that while you are grateful to her for making your dad happy, love is something that needs to blossom over time -- and enough time hasn't passed yet. (It should not be necessary to mention that "enough time" will never elapse.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Rob's" boss has invited him to be a Facebook "friend." The problem is, Rob and his friends gripe about work as well as the usual personal stuff. It's not the kind of info you want your boss to have access to. He feels uncomfortable about the invitation, but how do you say "no" to your boss? Rob is angry to have been put in this situation. -- ROB'S FRIEND

DEAR FRIEND: A polite way to refuse, if it comes up in conversation, would be for Rob to say that he prefers to keep his work life separate from his private life. But your friend should be careful about what he posts on the Internet because employers -- and prospective employers -- have been known to gain access to what folks assume is "private" communication. A word to the wise ...

DEAR ABBY: Some friends and I shared a vacation house last month. While I was out hiking, a supposed friend, "Lynette," rummaged through my purse (which had been stashed in a closet) and made a non-emergency phone call on my cell. She didn't tell me about it. I found out on my own.

It's not that I mind her using my phone, but a purse is private, and I felt violated. Let me add that she also knew about an article I had packed in a zipped pouch that I keep in my beach bag. I don't know why she snooped through my stuff.

Am I wrong to be upset? And do you think this "friendship" is worth continuing? -- LIVID IN LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR LIVID: Are you wrong to be upset? No. And the friendship is only worth continuing if you set some boundaries, because Lynette appears not to understand the concept of privacy.

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol when parents dine out with their successful, married adult children and their spouses? As parents, are we expected to pay for their meals and costly alcoholic beverages for the rest of our lives? Or is it fair for these adult children -- all of whom have well-paying jobs -- to split the bill and tip with us?

We feel each couple at the table should chip in and pay their share of the costs -- whether it's our adult kids or contemporaries -- but we have been criticized for it. It has reached the point that my husband and I split an entree to keep our restaurant bill within reason.

We're approaching retirement age. Shouldn't it be our choice whether we "treat" others to a meal or not? -- PUZZLED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR PUZZLED: Of course the choice should be yours. However, you created this "monster," so it is up to you to set the record straight. The way to do that is to make clear to your successful adult children before their next bite that you are all adults now and that as adults they will be responsible for paying their part of the tab.

DEAR ABBY: My former boss, "Ken," is 30 years older than I am. We slept together several months ago while my boyfriend, "Vinny," and I were separated. The affair was short-lived, and Vinny and I reconciled.

When I discovered I was pregnant, Vinny and I eloped. Abby, I'm almost positive this is Vinny's baby, but I'm not 100 percent sure, so I told him everything.

Now Vinny wants me to tell Ken and his wife that I need a paternity test. I agree that Ken's wife needs to know, but I'm afraid that bringing this out will bring some serious repercussions. What should I do? -- NEEDS CLOSURE IN OHIO

DEAR NEEDS CLOSURE: You and Vinny should have the DNA test performed. If it turns out the baby isn't Vinny's and you're afraid to approach Ken and his wife for fear that Ken might retaliate in some way that could hurt your career, consult a lawyer before telling them about the upcoming blessed event.

If Ken is the father, he has an obligation to support his child. And you'll be doing the wife a favor, because if your former boss is the naughty boy I suspect he is, you aren't the first woman he has had unprotected sex with, and she needs to be tested for STDs.

DEAR ABBY: We received a nasty note from our daughter-in-law, "Ariella." She lives several states away. Her father passed away about six weeks ago. They lived out of state, and we were never close with them.

Ariella is angry because we didn't send flowers to the viewing and didn't send her mother a sympathy card until two weeks after the funeral.

We're in our late 70s. Ariella's father was 89. Should we have sent flowers? And is two weeks after a death too late to send a sympathy card? Our other three children each received identical notes from Ariella. -- BEFUDDLED IN ALABAMA

DEAR BEFUDDLED: I'll say this about your daughter-in-law -- she's outspoken about her emotions. Ariella's parents may have lived out of state, but they are (were) members of your extended family, and frankly, the nonchalance with which you treated the death of Ariella's father surprises me.

No law says you were obligated to send flowers for the funeral -- but to have done so would have been a compassionate gesture and let her and her mother know you cared. To then wait two weeks before extending any condolences was cold in light of the fact that you could have picked up the phone and done it immediately -- and the same goes for your children.

DEAR ABBY: After 35 years living out of state, my parents have moved to my hometown, and I am thrilled to have them so near.

My problem: Now that I'm seeing my mother on a daily basis, I know what I'm going to look like in 20 years. She and I recognize our physical similarities and laugh about them: our noses, our coloring and our rear ends, etc. These genes will override any "magic cream" on the market.

Mother has many qualities that I admire and aspire to have, but I guess I wasn't ready for a preview peek into the aging mirror. I have never considered myself vain, but I would like to be slimmer and keep a more youthful appearance. Is it hopeless? The problem isn't my mother -- it's me. -- AFRAID OF DESTINY

DEAR AFRAID: It's not hopeless. Biology doesn't have to dictate one's destiny. Your diet and lifestyle can have a tremendous effect on your appearance in 20 years. Also, men and women seem to have aged more slowly in recent decades than they did in the 1930s, '40s and '50s.

If you want reassurance, drag out some old family albums and take a look at how your aunts, uncles and grandparents looked at your age. Please don't obsess about something that may not happen because nothing ages a woman like stress.

DEAR ABBY: My friend's daughter asked her child's godparent to buy a $60 to $100 dress for the baptismal service. I told my friend I had never heard of the parents not buying the outfit themselves.

The daughter cannot afford to buy the dress herself. Was it appropriate to ask this of a godparent? -- UNCERTAIN IN OMAHA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: She may have thought so. According to Emily Post: "The baby's gown -- often one that was worn by the baby's mother, father or one of his grandparents -- is provided by the parents, not the godparents -- A FORMER TRADITION THAT HAS GONE BY THE BOARD" (italics are mine).