DEAR ABBY: I'm about to move out of a condo I have shared for two years with a roommate I'll call "Carly." Her parents own it, and I'm leaving because Carly's sister, "Heather," is moving in soon to attend school. Carly is supposed to look out for Heather and teach her how to live on her own because Heather has some mental challenges.

In the two years I have lived with Carly, she has been mostly absent. She often leaves for days at a time without telling me. I hope this will change when her sister moves in.

Carly is also very promiscuous. She's always with one guy or another, and occasionally intimate with more than one at a time. Through closed doors and over a blaring TV I have overheard her and her boyfriends going at it but accepted it as part of normal college life. I fear Heather will be mortified to hear what I have heard.

I don't think Carly knows she has been overheard. Should I warn her when I move out? Or should I not mention it and hope she's a better role model for Heather when she arrives? -- ALMOST EX-ROOMIE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR ALMOST EX: By all means warn Carly. Had you done so the first time the noise bothered you, living there would have been less embarrassing for you. But at the same time you should also have a chat with Carly's parents. The responsibility they are placing on her is a serious one, and it doesn't appear Carly is up to shouldering it.

A better solution for Heather would be for her to be in a program where certified teachers can help her learn independent living skills and in which she would receive appropriate, consistent supervision. Her safety -- in more ways than one -- could depend on it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law has a terrible habit. She tells us what she wants for gifts in the form of e-mails with Web links to things she wants.

One year, she bought a pair of $700 earrings and told her fiance that he bought them for her birthday. He actually had to reimburse her.

Last Mother's Day she sent an e-mail with a link to a site selling personalized crystal items to be engraved with a thoughtful message to "Mom." This week she sent an e-mail -- two months in advance -- saying what she wants for her birthday.

I wasn't raised like this. I have a problem with someone telling me what she wants when I haven't asked. I also don't like being told how much to spend. I think her behavior is selfish and immature, but how do I get it to stop?

My husband is used to it. He doesn't know how to say no to her. His sisters have picked up this habit and tell us what their kids want for birthdays and Christmas. One sister even handed me an ad she had clipped for something she wants on her next birthday. What can I do? -- SOLICITED IN ARIZONA

DEAR SOLICITED: How about ignoring the solicitations and giving something you can afford? Or just say no. And if your mother-in-law or sisters-in-law ask why you didn't "produce on command," say -- with a smile -- that asking for gifts is rude, that it makes you uncomfortable, and what was requested was beyond your means.

DEAR ABBY: I am a recent high school graduate who is starting college soon. I am blessed to be part of a great family. The problem is, my mother is TOO good. She has always been kind and loving, but she insists on doing everything for me.

I consider myself to be independent, but she is constantly finding some way to "help." When I tell her I need some space to grow, she cries. I love my mother dearly, but how can I convey to her that I'm a big boy now without hurting her feelings? -- GROWN UP ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR GROWN UP: Your mother appears to be suffering from a common condition known as "Impending Empty Nest Syndrome." It's a form of anxiety and depression that often hits parents when a child is about to leave home and no longer needs the constant parenting that has been the norm for the prior 18 years.

The behavior you're reacting to is called hovering. Your mother may be doing it because she's savoring every last bit of mothering she can get in before you fly off to ever-increasing independence. Please be patient with her because in another month you'll be out of there and she will be starting to adapt.

DEAR ABBY: God bless you! You've done it again. In 2001, American Ex-Prisoners of War got 600-plus responses to your printing our POW VA benefit alert in your column. You helped many former POWs and their widows get the VA benefits due them.

As of today, your July 18, 2009, column about benefits available to widows of veterans who died of ALS has generated more than 2,000 e-mails and many letters and phone calls! I will be plowing through all these e-mails for weeks to come, but I'm afraid people will be waiting too long for my responses.

That's why I'm asking you to please help me again by letting your readers know that if their veteran husband died of ALS, they should call the Department of Veterans Affairs at (800) 827-1000. This will get them to their nearest VA regional office. They should ask to speak with a service officer about their ALS claim for COMPENSATION, not pension. This will expedite the claim process.

Abby, thank you for reaching out to veterans with their service-connected health issues. God is blessing many through your unique column. -- FRED CAMPBELL, AMERICAN EX-PRISONERS OF WAR

DEAR FRED: I'm delighted that my July 18 column will help so many -- and I hope today's column will, too. Readers, please pay attention to this "heads up" because Fred is swamped!

DEAR ABBY: Is it considered adultery if a husband encourages his wife to sleep with other men? My husband enjoys the idea of me sleeping with other men and then telling him about it. I don't understand his fascination, but that's what he likes. I am more concerned about the morality issue. What do you think? -- ADULTERESS? IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ADULTERESS?: Because you're concerned with "the morality issue," I assume you come from a traditional upbringing in which you were taught that sex is a sacred bond between husband and wife. Far more important than what I think is what YOU think about it. So call a moratorium for now, start thinking -- and then follow your conscience.

DEAR ABBY: I have an embarrassing dilemma. I have a baby with a man I am no longer with. Our romance ended before I knew I was pregnant. He is not in our lives anymore -- his decision. I have moved on and am now in a solid, loving relationship.

My problem is my OB/GYN has always been under the impression that my child's biological father and I are together and that we're married. The father attended some of the obstetrical appointments with me and was even there for the birth.

When my doctor initially referred to him as "my husband," I didn't correct him because I didn't feel I needed to spill the beans about such a personal issue. But now when I go for my annual examinations, he always asks me how "my husband" is. I feel it's too late to say, "Oh, by the way, he was never my husband" since I didn't correct him to begin with.

I need a graceful way to finally tell my doctor that we were never married, especially since I am now involved with a different man whom I plan on marrying and will eventually have another child with. Please help me find the words. -- STUCK -- DOWN SOUTH

DEAR STUCK: Here are the words. The next time your doctor asks how your "husband" is, say: "We're no longer together." Period. No further explanation is necessary, and don't offer one.

DEAR ABBY: We are hoping you can settle a small dispute. My husband and I have a soon-to-be 2-year-old. Her birthday is next month, and we will be celebrating at a local park with lots of kids from work and day care.

Is it OK to offer beer and wine to the parents? The park officials have no issue with it. There is an alcohol permit to sign, which includes no hard liquor and no drinks to be taken off premises. We will abide by park rules. We just want to know -- is it OK to have alcohol at a child's birthday party? We will wait to see what you have to say. -- PARTY PLANNER IN COLORADO

DEAR PARTY PLANNER: I see nothing positive to be gained by a group of parents drinking alcohol at a children's party. Alcohol dulls the senses, and besides, the purpose of the party is to see that the children have a good time. Rather than drinking and socializing, the parents should be concentrating on the kids, making sure they are entertained and closely supervised -- particularly in an outdoor setting that may not be familiar to everyone.

DEAR ABBY: Is it now acceptable to clip one's fingernails in the workplace?

I work in an office with cubicles, and I hear some of my co-workers (mainly men) clipping their nails! Isn't this a task that should be performed in one's bathroom at home? Am I the only person who thinks this is gross? -- GROSSED OUT IN RICHMOND, TEXAS

DEAR GROSSED OUT: You are not the only person who finds it gross; I think it's "icky," too. And you are correct that personal grooming should be performed at home, before or after work. Because it bothers you, mention it to the office manager, explain how it makes you feel, and suggest that a company memo be sent out discouraging the practice.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)