life

'Everyday Heroes' Inspire, Enrich the Lives They Touch

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 18th, 2009

DEAR ABBY: I am a casual reader of your column and saw the June 15 letter from "Lucky Wife of a Hero." What a refreshing piece it was to read. I know many people write to you with hardships in their lives, but that letter was one of the most uplifting I have read in a long time. It literally made my day.

While "Lucky Wife's" husband's help to her may seem surprisingly simple, it's great to hear about people doing the little things for those they love, and being appreciated in return. Thank you for publishing it. -- U.S. MARINE IN JAPAN

DEAR U.S. MARINE: And thank you for writing. In my response to "Lucky Wife" I asked readers to share their stories of people they have encountered who -- like the husband in that letter -- are "everyday heroes." Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: My life has been touched by several heroes. I became pregnant during my senior year in high school. Because marriage wasn't an option, I placed my son for adoption. In college, I met my husband, and we have raised three children together.

After 35 years my son, Paul, contacted me. The first hero who stepped up was my husband. Without hesitation, he welcomed Paul into our family.

My next hero was Paul's wife, who offered to share her husband during the holidays. Paul flew from Minnesota to California on Christmas Day to meet me and my family. It was an incredible experience.

It was then that I learned about the two heroes who had taken Paul into their home and their hearts all those years ago and raised him as their own. Paul's adoptive family encouraged him to find us, learn about his birth heritage, and have celebrated every moment of our reunion.

But the greatest hero in my story is Paul. Inspired by the sacrifices of the young men and women who serve our country, he felt compelled to join the Army National Guard and today is serving in Iraq.

Soon my family will travel to Minnesota to meet Paul's adoptive parents and siblings, his wife and his children. My heroes have joined together to enrich my life, and I can't begin to thank each and every one of them. -- SHERI IN ESCONDIDO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I haven't seen my "everyday hero" since I was 12, but the way she treated me has made a huge difference in my life.

Annie was a middle-aged woman working for an aeronautics company who gave me my first job when I was 10. She taught me to plant seeds and keep the garden weeded, to stack wood, paint and mow. I felt proud being able to earn my own money. Even more important, Annie gave me a safe place to go, an adult I could talk to and the conviction that if you work hard enough you'll be rewarded.

I'm almost 30 now, but I have never forgotten that wonderful woman and what she did for me, and I never will. -- ANDI IN TACOMA

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter Mindy was in high school she dated Rob, a young man who adored her. While she dated others, he waited patiently until she returned to him. They married after college and had three children.

Mindy destroyed the marriage, and I told her at the time that she had rocks for brains. Their divorce was amicable. Rob attended all holiday and birthday gatherings. Neither one remarried.

My daughter was "Miss Independent." She excelled at her job and didn't need anyone because she could do it all herself. More than 10 years passed.

Then, on vacation, Mindy was in a terrible accident that left her a quadriplegic. Suddenly she had to depend on someone else for everything, and Rob was right there. His attitude was, "She FINALLY needs me."

For five years, he has assumed complete care for Mindy in addition to holding down a full-time job. She has greatly improved, can drive a specially equipped van and is back at her job. My daughter would be lost without the man who loves her, and she knows it. I thank God for him every day of my life. -- GRATEFUL MOTHER-IN-LAW

life

Lonely Woman Sees a Bleak Future in Her Small World

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 2009 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old woman, and I feel as though my life is over. I lost my job more than a year ago and haven't been able to find another one. I have no friends, and it has been 13 years since I dated.

I live day to day, only for my mom and my dog -- both of whom I love tremendously. I'm glad I can spend so much time with them each day, but I know I'm missing out on something more in my life.

I am well-educated, well-read and have traveled quite a bit, when my financial situation was better.

Abby, I feel like I'm 96, not 46! I am depressed and disheartened and don't know what to do. I can't afford counseling. I have thought about volunteering, but I don't want to work with kids and most volunteer jobs require that.

Please, can you suggest anything to help me out of this slump? I figure I have a good 20 to 30 years of living before me, and I just can't go on like this.

I have already accepted that I'll never find a mate, and I'm struggling with the thought that someday, Mom will no longer be here. I see no future for myself. Please tell me what to do. -- DOWN IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR DOWN: It is premature to conclude that you will "never" find a job, a friend or a mate. Things seem hopeless right now because you are depressed.

In your letter you hit on a wonderful, positive idea -- your impulse to volunteer. Not all volunteer opportunities involve children. How about volunteering at a non-profit organization, an assisted-living facility for seniors, a VA center, an animal shelter, a program for people who are homeless, a food delivery program for shut-ins. Your local police department might also welcome some administrative help from a mature, organized adult.

I'm sure your time and talents would be deeply appreciated whatever you decide to do. Not only would volunteering be a rewarding way to fill your time, but it will help you to network.

P.S. Counseling is available on a sliding financial scale in most counties if you feel you need professional help.

life

Dear Abby for August 17, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 2009 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Cooper," and I started dating last fall. His parents and I get along well, but there is one person in his life who doesn't want us to be together. That would be "Claire," a close family friend who is also known as Cooper's "second mom." Cooper dated Claire's daughter for a few months a couple of years ago.

Cooper is polite, smart and good looking. It's no wonder that Claire would rather he date her daughter. There have been many times that Claire has been rude to me, including saying to my face that she wishes Cooper would break up with me and start dating her daughter again.

I have spoken to Cooper about it. Apparently, Claire has tried to pressure him about it behind my back many times. Abby, do you think I should say something to this woman, or just let it be? -- BOTHERED IN GEORGIA

DEAR BOTHERED: I see nothing positive to be gained by taking the bait and getting into an unpleasant conversation with "Mama Claire." When she says something again (and she will), smile and say, "I know. You've already made that clear."

Claire's daughter is no threat to you, and if dating her was at all appealing to your boyfriend, he would still be doing it.

life

Dear Abby for August 17, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 2009 | Letter 3 of 3

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

life

Mom Balks at Daughter's Plan to Host a Direct Sale Party

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 16th, 2009 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Amelia," recently joined the ranks of a "direct sales force." She has asked me to make arrangements so she can present her products to my circle of friends. I love Amelia beyond words and would do anything to support her, but I told her that in this instance I felt I would be betraying my friends by "using" their friendship.

In my opinion, hosting a "party" for the purpose of selling makes the invitees feel obligated to buy something whether they need it or not. I told Amelia I don't want to put my friends in that position. My daughter took immediate offense and told me I was way off-base because attendees are "free to purchase products -- or not -- as they choose." In other words, I'm the one with the hang-up and it isn't necessarily shared by others.

It upsets me terribly that my daughter is now angry and thinks I have abandoned her because I'm uncomfortable supporting this effort. She has another successful career, so this venture is not a matter of financial life or death to her. What should I do? -- IN A TOUGH SPOT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR IN A SPOT: Direct sales companies are rapidly expanding their forces these days, in light of the recession. And many people regard it as an attractive opportunity to replace lost income or hedge against job loss. According to USA Today, there are now roughly 15 million direct sellers in the United States.

With all that "partying" going on -- the objective of which is to sell, sell, sell -- many people have wised up to the fact they are promotional rather than social in nature and refuse the invitations. I see nothing wrong with inviting your friends, as long as they understand, in advance, the purpose of the party as well as the fact that you won't be personally offended if they do not choose to participate.

life

Dear Abby for August 16, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 16th, 2009 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "George," wears his false teeth only for church. He puts them in his pocket as soon as the service is over and won't wear them anywhere else. If I say anything, he gets furious and refuses to discuss it, even though I tell him it embarrasses me and it should embarrass him, too.

George is upset with the dentist who made the dentures. He went to another dental lab, wore them for one month, and then gave up. He also fusses with his hearing aids, glasses, etc. He's driving me crazy. What should I do? -- JANET IN OHIO

DEAR JANET: If your husband's dentures were comfortable, he'd wear them. The dentist who made them should be contacted so adjustments can be made until they fit properly. If George won't make the call, do it for him and go along for moral support.

He may also need his vision checked by an ophthalmologist. His glasses may need refitting or replacing -- or he may have a condition that should be treated ASAP, so don't put it off. Also, hearing aids take getting used to and the process can be frustrating -- especially if your teeth are hurting and you're having difficulty seeing.

Poor George, if you think you're being driven crazy, imagine what he's going through and try to be patient.

life

Dear Abby for August 16, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 16th, 2009 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have discovered that my daughter's day care director is seeing a married man. I removed my daughter from that center because the director is not the kind of person I want taking care of my child.

Should I let other parents know what is going on? -- MOMMY WITH PRINCIPLES

DEAR MOMMY: I don't think so. In fact, I think you should mind your own business. People with principles not only don't cheat, they also have too much character to spread gossip.

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