DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Amelia," recently joined the ranks of a "direct sales force." She has asked me to make arrangements so she can present her products to my circle of friends. I love Amelia beyond words and would do anything to support her, but I told her that in this instance I felt I would be betraying my friends by "using" their friendship.

In my opinion, hosting a "party" for the purpose of selling makes the invitees feel obligated to buy something whether they need it or not. I told Amelia I don't want to put my friends in that position. My daughter took immediate offense and told me I was way off-base because attendees are "free to purchase products -- or not -- as they choose." In other words, I'm the one with the hang-up and it isn't necessarily shared by others.

It upsets me terribly that my daughter is now angry and thinks I have abandoned her because I'm uncomfortable supporting this effort. She has another successful career, so this venture is not a matter of financial life or death to her. What should I do? -- IN A TOUGH SPOT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR IN A SPOT: Direct sales companies are rapidly expanding their forces these days, in light of the recession. And many people regard it as an attractive opportunity to replace lost income or hedge against job loss. According to USA Today, there are now roughly 15 million direct sellers in the United States.

With all that "partying" going on -- the objective of which is to sell, sell, sell -- many people have wised up to the fact they are promotional rather than social in nature and refuse the invitations. I see nothing wrong with inviting your friends, as long as they understand, in advance, the purpose of the party as well as the fact that you won't be personally offended if they do not choose to participate.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "George," wears his false teeth only for church. He puts them in his pocket as soon as the service is over and won't wear them anywhere else. If I say anything, he gets furious and refuses to discuss it, even though I tell him it embarrasses me and it should embarrass him, too.

George is upset with the dentist who made the dentures. He went to another dental lab, wore them for one month, and then gave up. He also fusses with his hearing aids, glasses, etc. He's driving me crazy. What should I do? -- JANET IN OHIO

DEAR JANET: If your husband's dentures were comfortable, he'd wear them. The dentist who made them should be contacted so adjustments can be made until they fit properly. If George won't make the call, do it for him and go along for moral support.

He may also need his vision checked by an ophthalmologist. His glasses may need refitting or replacing -- or he may have a condition that should be treated ASAP, so don't put it off. Also, hearing aids take getting used to and the process can be frustrating -- especially if your teeth are hurting and you're having difficulty seeing.

Poor George, if you think you're being driven crazy, imagine what he's going through and try to be patient.

DEAR ABBY: I have discovered that my daughter's day care director is seeing a married man. I removed my daughter from that center because the director is not the kind of person I want taking care of my child.

Should I let other parents know what is going on? -- MOMMY WITH PRINCIPLES

DEAR MOMMY: I don't think so. In fact, I think you should mind your own business. People with principles not only don't cheat, they also have too much character to spread gossip.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old student who has lived in an apartment with my current roommate, "Karen," for 18 months. We get along well.

For the past nine months, Karen has been dating a man who has begun spending almost every night in our apartment. So far, I have tolerated the situation because they're not disruptive.

I recently visited Karen's boyfriend's apartment for the first time. Abby, no wonder he's here every night. I thought I was touring a vacant apartment. His kitchen has absolutely nothing in it, and the living room is mostly unfurnished and totally unlit. In addition, he has no phone or Internet service.

Since then, I haven't been able to get it off my mind. I don't want to ruin what is otherwise a good situation, but how do I put my mind at ease? I can't put my finger on what's bothering me, but it doesn't "feel" right. -- STEAMED IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR STEAMED: You have described a young bachelor who doesn't cook, who probably has eaten most of his meals "out," and who has not developed a strong nesting instinct, either. (He could also not have much money.) But keep your eyes and ears open, and if anything else about your roommate's boyfriend bothers you, mention it to her.

DEAR ABBY: In the past you have printed letters from readers describing acts of kindness for others. Not long ago, my husband (who is in the military) and I went out to dinner after our first obstetric appointment. We had a lovely time; our server was also a pregnant Army wife and we chatted about due dates, deployments, our husbands' jobs, etc.

At the end of the meal no check was delivered to our table. Our server explained that the couple behind us had paid for it as a way to say thank you for my husband's service and congratulations on the baby. We were very touched. I wish they hadn't left before we did so we could have thanked them.

My husband and I stopped at the market before going home. A man approached us and asked if we had any spare change because his kids were hungry and payday was a few days off. Because someone had done something nice for us that night, I decided to pay it forward and help him out -- so I gave him all the money I had in my purse.

Someone touched our lives in a positive way, and I'm so glad we could help someone in return. I hope this letter inspires someone else to do the same. -- ARMY WIFE AT FORT BLISS, TEXAS

DEAR ARMY WIFE: So do I. And to that I'd like to add that helping others does not necessarily have to involve giving money. It can be as simple as approaching members of the military and thanking them for their service or volunteering time to work in a shelter or a food program to help the destitute.

DEAR ABBY: I was in a major department store, carrying a designer handbag, when a woman I didn't know approached me and asked if my bag was real or a knockoff. I was at a loss for words. The rudeness of that woman floored me.

I was always taught to be polite and not ask nosy questions. How would you have handled it? -- OFFENDED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR OFFENDED: If the handbag was genuine, I would have told the woman it was. And if it wasn't, I would have told her where to find one like it.

DEAR ABBY: Forty years ago, after accusing our father of taking indecent liberties with her, my sister "Vera" was diagnosed with a major mental illness. She was 17. After many difficult years of hospitalizations, medication and electro-shock therapy, Vera finally accepted her diagnosis and now lives in a board-and-care home nearby. She has never been well enough to work or carry on a relationship, and due to her medication, she suffers from a serious neuromuscular disorder.

Our father died suddenly -- and while going through his belongings, Mom and I discovered some graphic Polaroid photos that prove Vera's allegations were true. Mom destroyed them immediately. I believe Vera should know that we now understand she wasn't delusional, that she was misdiagnosed and treated unnecessarily.

Mom is adamantly opposed. She says Vera is receiving the "best help available" and it would only "upset her" if she knew what we found. I am heartsick. Should I tell Vera at the risk of it killing our mom, or should I let it go? Vera's treatments have taken most of her memory. -- DISTRAUGHT IN OHIO

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: Your mother's reaction makes me wonder whether she might have had an inkling all along that your sister was telling the truth. After all these years, I fail to see how telling Vera that someone believes her will "kill" your mother.

I once knew a woman who had spent years in group therapy trying to get at the root of her problems. Like your sister, she had had shock therapy, which had blasted away some of her memory. She said many times that she would have been glad to have someone fill in some of the blanks for her -- and so, I suspect, would Vera. Your sister deserves answers and validation.

However, before you approach her, it is very important that you first discuss this with a psychotherapist who can guide you through the process.

DEAR ABBY: I am 40, married and blessed with a wonderful family. I have spent my entire career working for the same company. Several years ago, I was promoted to a position I thought I wanted. However, I have come to hate my job. The best part is the paycheck.

I earn a decent salary and I don't want to seem unappreciative, especially in these economic times, but I feel there is more to life than what someone earns.

Recently, I have thought about joining the military. My husband is very supportive and has told me countless times that being happy is the most important part of life. I want to do something with my life that matters rather than simply going to work each day dreading the time I am there.

My dilemma is with my parents. I know they will feel it is ridiculous to quit a perfectly good job and go into the military. What advice do you have for me? -- WOMAN AT THE CROSSROADS OF LIFE

DEAR AT THE CROSSROADS: Your dilemma may not be with your parents. The various branches of the armed forces have age limits beyond which they will not accept enlistees. So my advice is to begin calling the recruitment centers, telling them your background and asking if you qualify to apply. If you are accepted, you can then tell your parents the "good news."

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