DEAR ABBY: "Lisa in Phoenix" (June 12) questioned whether taking her 7-year-old son into the ladies' room would be better than having her wait outside the men's room. You advised her to stand outside the men's room and announce loudly that she will be "waiting right there." Abby, children have been violated in a matter of seconds in the play areas of fast food restaurants with the parents RIGHT THERE!

As a mother, I feel the advice you gave Lisa will give her a false sense of security and put her child in danger. I would have told Lisa that before they go anywhere, she should make sure her son goes to the bathroom at home. If he has to go while they are out, she should go to the men's room, knock on the door and announce that she is with a child. If there is no answer, GO IN AND BE SURE NO ONE IS INSIDE. If she's uncomfortable doing it, ask an employee to check. Then wait outside the bathroom. If a man needs to go in, she can explain the situation.

Never assume that simply standing guard outside the door will deter a molester. They couldn't care less. -- VIGILANT MOM IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR VIGILANT: Your suggestions are helpful, and thank you for offering them. Other readers volunteered alternative solutions to Lisa's dilemma. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a 7-year-old son and I do not allow him to go unsupervised into a men's room. Anyone could be behind that door and anything could happen in less than a minute's time. We must protect our children even if it means that sometimes they have to suffer embarrassment.

A friend with two sons offered an interesting alternative. She would allow her sons to use the men's room if they talked to her while she stood outside the door. If they stopped talking, they knew it meant she was coming in. -- DONNA IN TYNER, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: Your advice strikes a balance between commonsense safety and "helicopter parenting." Having been a teacher for 42 years, I see an alarming increase in the number of parents who want to be in lockstep with their children 24/7. It can be stunting, and it does not prepare them for life in the real world. Of course, parents should take some precautions for the sake of safety, but don't be so paralyzed with fear that you keep your children from becoming self-directed individuals. -- MANHATTAN, KAN., TEACHER

DEAR ABBY: When my son was 7 or 8, he, too, was embarrassed about going into the restroom with me. I gave him a whistle with instructions to blow it if anyone bothered him while I waited outside the men's room. The whistle also came with additional instructions: "Never blow it as a joke just to see if I'll come running, because if you do, you are in DEEP trouble!" -- LORI IN TEANECK, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: Lisa should invest in a pair of two-way radios. This way, her son goes into the restroom with an additional layer of protection. She should also inform him to always use the stall so he can lock the door. -- MARK IN GATOR COUNTRY

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to Lisa was good, but she should also discuss personal safety with her son. He needs to know exactly what to do if anyone says, or does, anything inappropriate. As parents, we can't be everywhere our children are at all times, and that's why we need to equip them with life skills to handle/avoid dangerous situations. -- A BOY'S MOM IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: I was 11 when my father left. I'm 16 now and it is still very difficult for my mom and me. Dad was involved in my life until he met his 28-year-old girlfriend. He's 54.

I have told him I'm not comfortable around her and I don't want to be in her company. It's embarrassing when they hold hands and hug in front of me and my friends. I spend one night a week at Dad's and I want him all to myself. Even when I'm there he locks himself in his room and spends all night talking on the phone with her. I have asked him to pay attention to me, but he doesn't get it.

Last year, he told me he "had a dream" that I was going to get a little sister or brother. He asked how I felt about that, and I was honest. I told him thinking about him having sex with a woman so young makes me sick. Dad doesn't see that she's using him for money and a green card. I want him to be discreet and keep his private life private.

I live with my mom six nights a week, and I think that gives Dad plenty of time to spend with his girlfriend. What can I do to get him to focus on me on our one night a week together? -- MISSES MY DAD IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR MISSES YOUR DAD: Your father's girlfriend may make him feel like he's 16 again, but that isn't an excuse for him to act like it.

You have communicated clearly to him that you need more of his attention than he's giving. The next person to deliver that message should be your mother. Perhaps he will pay more attention if he hears it from another adult.

In two years you will be 18 and gone. The time he has with you now is precious and he should recognize that fact and stop squandering it.

DEAR ABBY: My children are grown and gone. The youngest left more than four years ago. For the last several years I have asked them to remove their stored items from my house, which is still crammed with their stuff I'm not supposed to move.

I have finally scheduled a Dumpster for a two-week period convenient for me and let everyone know they need to "claim it or lose it." One daughter, "Lynette," has decided that because I won't change the dates to suit her schedule -- of which she isn't even sure -- she will consider me "dead" to her.

Obviously this has hurt me deeply. I realize that Lynette thinks the world revolves around her, but don't I have the right to clean out my home at my convenience? Do I owe her more notice, even though most of the items have been here eight to 10 years?

I thought being assertive prevented people from walking all over you. It pains me that my daughter will no longer speak to me. She has also taken steps to keep other family members away as well.

Her older sister says she is overreacting and will come to her senses, but I'm not sure. I'm divorced from her father, so there is little support there. Should I proceed with my plans? -- IN A MESS IN VERMONT

DEAR IN A MESS: Being assertive will prevent people from walking all over you only if you stick to your guns and don't give in to emotional blackmail. Lynette's reaction is calculated to hurt you.

In addition to showing some gratitude for your patience in keeping her old things for so long, she should make it her business to come over and collect those items that are still important to her. But if she chooses to sulk and not cooperate, do not allow her to force you into changing the schedule.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old sister, "Cheryl," left home abruptly a week ago. She suddenly stopped taking all her medications, shut off her cell phone and left town with her underage boyfriend. She is a delightful person who also happens to be diabetic, asthmatic and bipolar. Mom received one phone call (from a landline) mentioning that she "might" be heading toward the East Coast.

I consider my sister dangerous to herself and others because she has a history of reckless violence when she's off her meds. My question is, how can you find someone who doesn't want to be found when they NEED to be found? -- HEARTBROKEN SISTER IN INDIANA

DEAR SISTER: If you think YOU are worried, what about the parents of the underage boy? Your next step should be to contact them and also your mother, so that all of you can notify the police and report them missing. And when you do, be sure to inform them that your sister has several conditions that require medications, that she's off all of them and could be a danger to herself and the young man. Then cross your fingers.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently met a woman I really connect with, but I have a problem with settling down. I have always had difficulty restricting myself to one person when I'm seriously dating. I want to change so my lifestyle won't come back and bite me in the butt -- but I'm not sure what to do.

What I'm asking is, what do you suggest for someone like me to get comfortable with the idea of settling down so that I won't be destined for failure? -- UNSURE IN RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR UNSURE: Slow down. You may have been dating the wrong women. When two people are truly compatible, there is less temptation to look for other company. Take things slowly and get to know the lady you're currently dating. If she qualifies in all the areas you think are important and you still find yourself looking around for something in addition, then you may have a problem and should talk to a therapist because no one woman can ever completely satisfy a man who craves variety.

DEAR ABBY: My father, who is in bad health, recently announced that he would like to be cremated and buried at the foot of my mother's grave. My birth mother died 28 years ago when I was 2, after they had been married only three years.

Dad married my stepmother when I was 8. I feel he should be buried with the wife he's been with for 22 years. She is the one who has seen him through the worst times in his life, his heart attack and stroke. My stepmother seems to have no negative feelings about it.

Am I wrong for thinking that a husband and wife should lie side-by-side when their time comes -- with a single headstone with their names and dates of birth/death/marriage? Or is there some tradition I don't know about that he should be buried with his first wife? -- ENQUIRING IN CLARKSTON, WASH.

DEAR ENQUIRING: Your stepmother is realistic and unsentimental. She knows your father was married before, and they may have discussed this between the two of them. Perhaps she feels that because your father prefers to be interred with your mother, that's where he belongs. Your stepmother had him during the most important years -- while he was living and breathing. And who knows? She may marry again, so think positively.