DEAR ABBY: I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on. My 18-year-old daughter, "Emily," hooked up with a 27-year-old ex-convict ("Jerry") and had his baby three months ago. Although we disapproved of the relationship, we let him move into our home. A month later, I caught him with another girl and my daughter ended their relationship.

Last week, Emily announced that Jerry wants her back and has admitted all his wrongs. Abby, she wants us to let him move back in! My husband refuses to support them any longer. Emily has now chosen Jerry and says she is taking the baby, even though she has no place to go because he's still living with the other girl. Neither of them can afford an apartment.

I feel if I don't go along with it I am throwing my innocent grandchild out into the street, and it breaks my heart. Is tough love the right answer? -- CRYING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CRYING: Yes, so call her bluff. Tough love would be better than allowing your daughter to blackmail you, which is what she's attempting to do. It's unlikely that Emily will wind up on the street.

I seriously doubt that Jerry will give up a sure thing and a roof over his head to build a life with your daughter. When she wakes up to that fact, I predict she'll be back on your doorstep -- so be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's grandson just graduated from the eighth grade. Because he lives in another part of the state we were unable to attend the graduation, but we sent him a graduation card with $5 enclosed.

My husband's daughter called to acknowledge the card "for" her son. Then she asked if my husband was having financial difficulties because he sent only $5 while some of her friends gave her son $50. She said we should have sent more. My husband was so shocked by her insensitivity that he hung up on her.

His daughter did not call or send a card on Father's Day. However, today we received a card from his grandson thanking us for the $5 and saying if we had dug deeper and added $1, he could have bought a slice of pizza.

Abby, how do we respond to these two? -- HURT GRANDPARENTS, ANAHEIM, CALIF.

DEAR HURT GRANDPARENTS: Unbelievable. Your husband was kind to send the boy anything in addition to the card. His daughter's response shows where her priorities are. I'll give her son this: He did acknowledge the gift -- but he should have stopped at thank you and omitted the snide remark.

How should the two of you respond? By keeping the lines of communication open and your wallet closed.

DEAR ABBY: I was raised to respect people's personal space, especially when standing in line. However, often when I stand in line patiently waiting my turn, I find the person behind me practically breathing down my neck. I keep telling myself to politely ask for space, but I can't muster the courage because I'm afraid they will think I'm rude. How can I ask for space without sounding rude? -- NEEDS MY SPACE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR NEEDS YOUR SPACE: For heaven's sake, muster the courage. The last thing you need is a stranger standing behind you watching you enter a pin number on a debit card.

There is nothing nasty about turning around and saying that when someone stands too close it makes you uncomfortable and to please step back. Speaking up for yourself isn't rude. It's being assertive -- which is healthy when compared to feeling like a doormat.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for four weeks. Two weeks after my wedding I met a man who excites me and makes my heart race. My husband, "Mitch," and I dated for eight years prior to getting married. We're both 25.

I have only slept with one other man than Mitch in my entire life -- someone I cheated on him with for a couple of weeks. Mitch and I had dated for two years at that point, and I was only 19. Mitch never found out.

I have spent two nights with this new man. I think about him constantly -- at work and at night when Mitch is asleep. I can't get him off my mind, and he feels the same about me. But he tells me that he feels guilty, that what we're doing is wrong and I should forget about him.

My relationship with Mitch is boring. We spend a lot of time at home and don't go out much. Mitch goes to bed early, and I'm tempted to leave and go see this other man. What do I do? -- MARRIED, BUT ...

DEAR MARRIED, BUT ...: I suspect you already know what you need to do. First, level with your husband. Then see if you can have the marriage annulled because, although it has lasted only a month, it is already over.

DEAR ABBY: I have begun dating a man I'll call "Tom." Things seem to be going well. Tom has met my son -- they get along beautifully -- and we're starting to meet each other's families.

For my son's sake, I have stayed in fairly close contact with my ex's parents. They have asked on more than one occasion when they can meet my new boyfriend, but I haven't given them a straight answer because, honestly, I don't want them to meet Tom. Since I started dating again, I have been trying hard to put my past behind me, and that includes my ex and his family. To do otherwise would be bad for me. What should I do? -- MOVING ON IN DULUTH

DEAR MOVING ON: If you and Tom become more serious, at some point he is going to meet your son's grandparents.

If there is something that you are ashamed of, I think you should have a frank talk with Tom and lay your cards on the table before he finds out from someone else. Unless there's a court order preventing your ex from seeing his son, I doubt that you will be able to keep these two parts of your life completely separate.

DEAR ABBY: My divorce became final two months ago and several people have congratulated me. Abby, the last thing I ever wanted was to be another divorce statistic, but my ex-husband committed a heinous crime for which he will pay for the rest of his life. While I know I'm better off without him, what I would have preferred was for the circumstances not to have happened in the first place!

I am trying to get my life back on track, but it isn't easy. And it doesn't help when some insensitive person offers "congratulations." They don't seem to understand that the subject is painful. I have said, "Please don't say that," but what else can I say? Please advise your readers to offer condolences instead. -- UNHAPPILY DIVORCED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR DIVORCED: I'm passing your message along. However, when someone makes an inappropriate comment, instead of saying, "Please don't say that," try this: "Please don't bring that subject up again. All it does is make me sad."

DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Minneapolis Commuter" (June 8), who was sick of overhearing personal cell phone conversations, missed the mark. I ride public transit to and from Sacramento every day, and most of the time the passengers -- like me -- just want a quiet ride to work and back. Sometimes a rude, obnoxious and very loud person will get on and make life miserable for the rest of us.

Moving to another seat is not an option because their voices carry throughout the entire bus. Often these conversations are laced with profanity, and it becomes an endurance test to remain polite.

I no longer feel that being polite is the best solution with such people. They need to be reminded about common courtesy and respect for their neighbors. There have been days when the bus driver actually stopped the bus and ordered such passengers off. I dare say, you have not been on public transit in a while, or you would not have dismissed the complaint so quickly. -- SACRAMENTO COMMUTER

DEAR COMMUTER: You are right. I haven't used public transit for some time, however, several of my staff use it daily and tell me, as you have, that phone users can be rude and obnoxious.

Contacting your local public transit carrier and complaining seems to be the best way to handle the situation. If they receive enough complaints -- and I'm sure they will -- they may initiate policies to stop such rude behavior. And if all else fails: earplugs! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Commuter" is far from alone. I am a transit bus driver. Cell phones are an irritation to drivers and passengers alike on our service. To address this issue, our company initiated a cell phone policy that is printed in our transit guide. If using a cell phone on a bus, do not disturb the driver or fellow passengers, or you may be asked to stop using your cell phone. Keep it short, keep it down, keep it quiet, keep it off!

Since this policy has been in effect (it's not perfect), things have improved. I would encourage anyone who uses public transportation to ask their service to put a cell phone policy in place and enforce it. -- BUS DRIVER

DEAR ABBY: Commuters on buses or trains should realize that it is not the library, and they should not expect the ride to be quiet. The writer of that letter should get a set of earplugs or, better yet, an MP3 player with headphones and listen to a recorded self-improvement book, or perhaps, something about improving tolerance.

People talking on their cell phones are making productive use of their commute time, and it might be the only time they have to chat with friends and family. Commuters should make better use of their time than just sitting there and stewing. -- COMMUTER CELL PHONE USER

DEAR ABBY: The reality is that the bus or train is often packed and there is no seat to move to, so we are forced to sit and listen to incredibly personal conversations or insane babbling because the person can't sit still and use the travel time to relax.

I've heard it all -- the woman announcing her new address and phone number, the guy talking about how he's going to lie to the judge during his divorce hearing, the gory details of someone's recent surgery. It's enough to make you gag. I finally got headphones. -- DENVER COMMUTER

DEAR ABBY: I, too, found the conversations on the bus to be quite colorful! I now wear earphones and spend my time listening to music and reading. The convenience of a relaxing ride to work far outweighs the annoyances. I find the bumpy ride is a great abdominal workout, too. -- CALM-UTING IN ABQ

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