DEAR ABBY: I have been married for four weeks. Two weeks after my wedding I met a man who excites me and makes my heart race. My husband, "Mitch," and I dated for eight years prior to getting married. We're both 25.

I have only slept with one other man than Mitch in my entire life -- someone I cheated on him with for a couple of weeks. Mitch and I had dated for two years at that point, and I was only 19. Mitch never found out.

I have spent two nights with this new man. I think about him constantly -- at work and at night when Mitch is asleep. I can't get him off my mind, and he feels the same about me. But he tells me that he feels guilty, that what we're doing is wrong and I should forget about him.

My relationship with Mitch is boring. We spend a lot of time at home and don't go out much. Mitch goes to bed early, and I'm tempted to leave and go see this other man. What do I do? -- MARRIED, BUT ...

DEAR MARRIED, BUT ...: I suspect you already know what you need to do. First, level with your husband. Then see if you can have the marriage annulled because, although it has lasted only a month, it is already over.

DEAR ABBY: I have begun dating a man I'll call "Tom." Things seem to be going well. Tom has met my son -- they get along beautifully -- and we're starting to meet each other's families.

For my son's sake, I have stayed in fairly close contact with my ex's parents. They have asked on more than one occasion when they can meet my new boyfriend, but I haven't given them a straight answer because, honestly, I don't want them to meet Tom. Since I started dating again, I have been trying hard to put my past behind me, and that includes my ex and his family. To do otherwise would be bad for me. What should I do? -- MOVING ON IN DULUTH

DEAR MOVING ON: If you and Tom become more serious, at some point he is going to meet your son's grandparents.

If there is something that you are ashamed of, I think you should have a frank talk with Tom and lay your cards on the table before he finds out from someone else. Unless there's a court order preventing your ex from seeing his son, I doubt that you will be able to keep these two parts of your life completely separate.

DEAR ABBY: My divorce became final two months ago and several people have congratulated me. Abby, the last thing I ever wanted was to be another divorce statistic, but my ex-husband committed a heinous crime for which he will pay for the rest of his life. While I know I'm better off without him, what I would have preferred was for the circumstances not to have happened in the first place!

I am trying to get my life back on track, but it isn't easy. And it doesn't help when some insensitive person offers "congratulations." They don't seem to understand that the subject is painful. I have said, "Please don't say that," but what else can I say? Please advise your readers to offer condolences instead. -- UNHAPPILY DIVORCED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR DIVORCED: I'm passing your message along. However, when someone makes an inappropriate comment, instead of saying, "Please don't say that," try this: "Please don't bring that subject up again. All it does is make me sad."

DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Minneapolis Commuter" (June 8), who was sick of overhearing personal cell phone conversations, missed the mark. I ride public transit to and from Sacramento every day, and most of the time the passengers -- like me -- just want a quiet ride to work and back. Sometimes a rude, obnoxious and very loud person will get on and make life miserable for the rest of us.

Moving to another seat is not an option because their voices carry throughout the entire bus. Often these conversations are laced with profanity, and it becomes an endurance test to remain polite.

I no longer feel that being polite is the best solution with such people. They need to be reminded about common courtesy and respect for their neighbors. There have been days when the bus driver actually stopped the bus and ordered such passengers off. I dare say, you have not been on public transit in a while, or you would not have dismissed the complaint so quickly. -- SACRAMENTO COMMUTER

DEAR COMMUTER: You are right. I haven't used public transit for some time, however, several of my staff use it daily and tell me, as you have, that phone users can be rude and obnoxious.

Contacting your local public transit carrier and complaining seems to be the best way to handle the situation. If they receive enough complaints -- and I'm sure they will -- they may initiate policies to stop such rude behavior. And if all else fails: earplugs! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Commuter" is far from alone. I am a transit bus driver. Cell phones are an irritation to drivers and passengers alike on our service. To address this issue, our company initiated a cell phone policy that is printed in our transit guide. If using a cell phone on a bus, do not disturb the driver or fellow passengers, or you may be asked to stop using your cell phone. Keep it short, keep it down, keep it quiet, keep it off!

Since this policy has been in effect (it's not perfect), things have improved. I would encourage anyone who uses public transportation to ask their service to put a cell phone policy in place and enforce it. -- BUS DRIVER

DEAR ABBY: Commuters on buses or trains should realize that it is not the library, and they should not expect the ride to be quiet. The writer of that letter should get a set of earplugs or, better yet, an MP3 player with headphones and listen to a recorded self-improvement book, or perhaps, something about improving tolerance.

People talking on their cell phones are making productive use of their commute time, and it might be the only time they have to chat with friends and family. Commuters should make better use of their time than just sitting there and stewing. -- COMMUTER CELL PHONE USER

DEAR ABBY: The reality is that the bus or train is often packed and there is no seat to move to, so we are forced to sit and listen to incredibly personal conversations or insane babbling because the person can't sit still and use the travel time to relax.

I've heard it all -- the woman announcing her new address and phone number, the guy talking about how he's going to lie to the judge during his divorce hearing, the gory details of someone's recent surgery. It's enough to make you gag. I finally got headphones. -- DENVER COMMUTER

DEAR ABBY: I, too, found the conversations on the bus to be quite colorful! I now wear earphones and spend my time listening to music and reading. The convenience of a relaxing ride to work far outweighs the annoyances. I find the bumpy ride is a great abdominal workout, too. -- CALM-UTING IN ABQ

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DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago I had surgery, and they found cancer. I have put my affairs in order to ease the burden on my children.

I have written my will, made a list of those to be notified after my death, wrote my obituary and requested in which newspaper I would like it printed. I have also listed all my assets and where they are.

I have only one question: After my death I would like a former high school girlfriend notified, and I have written a letter to be given to her. She has been married to the same man for 40 years, and we have not been in contact.

I always had special feelings for her and would like to tell her so and thank her for the great times we had together. I would not want to create problems in her marriage, but would like to send her a letter of thanks and appreciation.

What do you think? Should I leave well enough alone, or let her know what a special person she was in my life? -- FINAL REQUEST IN SOUTH MILWAUKEE

DEAR FINAL REQUEST: I am sorry about your sad prognosis. I doubt that having the letter sent after your death would "cause problems" in that lady's marriage. And frankly, I'm sure it would be a gift to her that would make her smile for the rest of her life. You have my blessings to send it.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are having a disagreement about flirting with other people. He thinks it's OK to "harmlessly flirt" as long as the person knows you are in a committed relationship. I think that flirting could lead to a misunderstanding that may cause problems in the relationship.

I trust my boyfriend, but I don't trust other women and never have. I asked him to stop doing it, and he has assured me it won't happen again.

Now I'm wondering if I overreacted. Do you think flirting is harmless, or do you see it as a potential problem for the relationship? -- LAURA IN ALABAMA

DEAR LAURA: It's a potential problem for the relationship if one of the parties is insecure and regards it as a threat. It's also a potential problem if the flirting persists in spite of the fact that your boyfriend knows it makes you insecure. Regardless of whether this romance leads to marriage, however, you really should try to understand why you have such negative feelings about other women because those feelings aren't healthy, and may not be justified.

DEAR ABBY: I loaned a treasured book to my close friend "Serena." When her younger sister moved out of state four months later, Serena told me the book had been accidentally packed up with the girl's things. She promised to buy me a new copy, but didn't.

It has now been three years, and my $20 book still has not been replaced. One day I noticed it on Serena's bookshelf. I don't want to demand she give it back for fear of seeming petty, but I really loved the book and want it back. How do I handle this? -- SERIOUS READER IN KANSAS

DEAR SERIOUS READER: The next time you are at Serena's, walk over to her bookshelf and exclaim, "Serena! I guess you were mistaken about my book being sent to your sister's because here it is!" Then take it off the shelf and take it with you. And in the future, write your name on the inside cover of your books before lending them to anyone.