DEAR ABBY: We invited our 5-year-old son's entire class to his birthday party. Unbeknownst to us, another child had one scheduled the same day. Because my son was new to the school and hadn't made friends yet, he wasn't invited. Imagine how he felt when only one child showed up. Had even one parent RSVP'd and said there was another party that day, we would have rescheduled. Because good manners were disregarded, our child was hurt.

I mentioned it to my parents, and to cheer our son up we decided to take him to the beach. When we returned and opened our front door, we found assorted wrapped presents with cards attached wishing our son a happy birthday and saying, "We're sorry we couldn't come to your party."

My folks did not tell us they were going to do it. They said they had "found" the presents on the porch and brought them inside while they were house-sitting. Their thoughtfulness and caring -- not to mention their creativity -- took away much of the hurt. I get tears in my eyes thinking about it. Our son is now in his early teens and has never been told the story.

I would like to thank my parents again and tell them how much their gesture meant. Also, please advise parents that when they receive an invitation to a child's party -- or any party, for that matter -- to RSVP! No child should have to feel that kind of hurt. -- STILL GRATEFUL IN ROCK HILL, S.C.

DEAR STILL GRATEFUL: Your parents are loving, generous and resourceful. Your letter raises two important issues. Because your boy was new to the school was no reason for him to have been excluded. Many schools require that when the entire class is invited to a party, if the party invitations are issued at school, that all students be included.

Also, there seems to be confusion about what "RSVP" means. Some people think it means they should respond only if they plan to attend the gathering. Not so! The rules of etiquette dictate that if a prospective guest cannot attend, that he or she contact the issuer of the invitation and offer regrets.

DEAR ABBY: I need some advice. I have always valued my appearance and choose to dress nicely. I buy name-brand, high-quality clothing. I don't mind paying for the name and quality.

Over the last year I have lost more than 100 pounds. I have to buy new clothes monthly as my weight continues to drop. I am still buying name-brand garments.

Three or four ladies in my office could easily wear my things and have asked if I'll give my clothes to them. Abby, I spent thousands of dollars on my wardrobe. I had intended to sell the items at a garage sale to help finance my new one. How should I respond to those women? -- GROWING THINNER IN KANSAS

DEAR GROWING THINNER: Congratulations on your weight-loss success. First, please do not sell your expensive items at a garage sale. You will get a better price if you place them at a consignment store. Second, when your co-workers ask for the items, tell them that you can't give them the clothes that no longer fit because you are selling them to cover the cost of things you need to replace. Then offer them the address of the consignment shop.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 38-year-old man with no children. For some reason I tend to attract the attention of children wherever I go. Even though I make no attempt to speak to them, they often approach me. I know when children talk to strangers it makes their parents uncomfortable, but I don't want to be rude to the kids.

I was recently eating at an outdoor restaurant when a friendly little girl walked up, sat herself down at my table, and began asking me questions. I was terse but polite. She was soon joined by several other kids, all of whom seated themselves at my table.

Their parents, who had obviously not been paying attention, shouted at them to "get away from that man!" It created an embarrassing scene with the parents telling me I had no business talking to their kids. The other diners looked at me as though I was some kind of pervert.

I don't want to be rude to children, but what can I do to prevent things like this from happening again? -- CRYING "UNCLE" IN TEXAS

DEAR "UNCLE": The parents overreacted. The next time a child approaches and wants to talk, ask the child, "Did your mother/father say it was OK to talk to a stranger?" If the answer is no, then tell the child he/she must first ask a parent for permission.

DEAR ABBY: My 35-year-old daughter, "Rhonda," is intelligent and creative, but her house is a disaster. There are clothes, books, magazines, etc. piled on every surface. Dishes are stacked on her bed; socks and paper litter the floor.

How can she feel good living like this? The place is becoming a health hazard. Rhonda is caring and attractive, but she rarely dates. Could her mess be a symptom of something more serious?

Abby, I'm worried about my daughter's chances for future happiness, but I have no idea how to help her. Or should I? -- WORRIED MOM IN OREGON

DEAR WORRIED MOM: If you're the kind of mother who always picked up after her children, then this is only more of the same. If your daughter's disorderliness is something new, then it might be a symptom of depression or some other emotional problem.

When you say you are concerned about Rhonda's chances for future happiness, do you mean you're worried that she's 35 and still single? Not every woman needs a man to complete her. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your daughter and explain your concerns. You won't find out what's going on in her head until you do.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been involved in an ongoing debate about how to place the pillows on our king-size bed. Should the opening of the pillowcase face the outside of the bed or the inside?

I place my pillows with the opening facing the middle of the bed so the pillow won't show, while my wife does it the other way, and the edge of the pillow can be seen through the opening. Can you please settle this? -- PILLOW TALK IN ABILENE

DEAR PILLOW TALK: Hotels make up the beds with the opening of the pillowcases turned to the middle because the maids usually tuck the edge of the pillowcase inward. A specialist in the bedding department of my local department store says that in most homes, the opening of the pillowcase faces the edge of the bed. But the bottom line is -- there is no right or wrong way!

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old son, "Derrick," recently stopped talking to me. Frustrated about not being able to open the lines of communication, I installed a keystroke recorder on our home computer. It enabled me to see what Derrick was writing in his e-mails. I know it was a violation of his privacy, but I was afraid and didn't know who else to ask what was going on.

I learned that Derrick has gotten his girlfriend pregnant. They are discussing various options, and he is thinking about running away from home.

How can I help my son through this, having gained this information in an underhanded way? If I reveal how I learned about this, I will lose his trust forever. But if I don't help him, I don't know what will happen. Please help me. -- SPY DAD IN TEXAS

DEAR SPY DAD: You may not have to tell Derrick how you got the information. You are his father. Sit him down, tell him you love him, that he's the most important thing in this world to you and that you're worried sick because he has become secretive and uncommunicative. Tell him that if he's in any sort of trouble he won't be punished or lectured to and that you will do whatever it takes to help him. And do not let him get up until he has finally told you what is wrong.

DEAR ABBY: Why is President Barack Obama considered to be African-American? Isn't he bi-racial? -- WONDERING IN GOLDSBORO, N.C.

DEAR WONDERING: He is both. The term African-American is used in this country as a label that describes skin color -- although in President Obama's case he is literally African-American because his father was an African from Kenya, and his mother was an American from Kansas. However, the term bi-racial is equally accurate because it describes mixed-race ancestry.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a professional musician for more than 25 years, playing piano in restaurants, lounges, stores, etc. My problem is I have never been able to talk and play at the same time. I must wait until I'm through with a song to talk to a customer.

I know that pianists appear to do this in movies, but those are actors who aren't really doing the playing -- someone else is.

When someone tries to talk to me in the middle of a song, I can either: (a) stop playing and answer the question, making the rest of the audience unhappy, or (b) struggle to answer and end up making mistakes and, perhaps, even losing my job.

I can't be the only pianist with this problem. Do you have any advice for me -- and can you print this so people will be more respectful to musicians? -- WAIT 'TIL IT'S OVER IN OHIO

DEAR WAIT: I have it on good authority, as well as personal experience in piano bars years ago, that many pianists can not only play and talk, but also play and sing. Having made it through a quarter of a century at the keyboard, I doubt you need much advice, but I'll offer this tidbit: Post a discreet sign atop your piano asking listeners to please refrain from making requests while you're playing. You might also consider a small metal tray upon which they can place their "requests."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)