DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old son, "Derrick," recently stopped talking to me. Frustrated about not being able to open the lines of communication, I installed a keystroke recorder on our home computer. It enabled me to see what Derrick was writing in his e-mails. I know it was a violation of his privacy, but I was afraid and didn't know who else to ask what was going on.

I learned that Derrick has gotten his girlfriend pregnant. They are discussing various options, and he is thinking about running away from home.

How can I help my son through this, having gained this information in an underhanded way? If I reveal how I learned about this, I will lose his trust forever. But if I don't help him, I don't know what will happen. Please help me. -- SPY DAD IN TEXAS

DEAR SPY DAD: You may not have to tell Derrick how you got the information. You are his father. Sit him down, tell him you love him, that he's the most important thing in this world to you and that you're worried sick because he has become secretive and uncommunicative. Tell him that if he's in any sort of trouble he won't be punished or lectured to and that you will do whatever it takes to help him. And do not let him get up until he has finally told you what is wrong.

DEAR ABBY: Why is President Barack Obama considered to be African-American? Isn't he bi-racial? -- WONDERING IN GOLDSBORO, N.C.

DEAR WONDERING: He is both. The term African-American is used in this country as a label that describes skin color -- although in President Obama's case he is literally African-American because his father was an African from Kenya, and his mother was an American from Kansas. However, the term bi-racial is equally accurate because it describes mixed-race ancestry.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a professional musician for more than 25 years, playing piano in restaurants, lounges, stores, etc. My problem is I have never been able to talk and play at the same time. I must wait until I'm through with a song to talk to a customer.

I know that pianists appear to do this in movies, but those are actors who aren't really doing the playing -- someone else is.

When someone tries to talk to me in the middle of a song, I can either: (a) stop playing and answer the question, making the rest of the audience unhappy, or (b) struggle to answer and end up making mistakes and, perhaps, even losing my job.

I can't be the only pianist with this problem. Do you have any advice for me -- and can you print this so people will be more respectful to musicians? -- WAIT 'TIL IT'S OVER IN OHIO

DEAR WAIT: I have it on good authority, as well as personal experience in piano bars years ago, that many pianists can not only play and talk, but also play and sing. Having made it through a quarter of a century at the keyboard, I doubt you need much advice, but I'll offer this tidbit: Post a discreet sign atop your piano asking listeners to please refrain from making requests while you're playing. You might also consider a small metal tray upon which they can place their "requests."

DEAR ABBY: Our friends "Andy" and "Corinne" live out of state in Michigan. We visit them about twice a year. Our visits are planned weeks in advance. The last three times, on Saturday night they hosted a "swingers party."

The first time it happened we thought it was a joke, until the guests -- after "tossing back a few" -- started picking partners. We saw them begin to caress one another, then start going into other rooms and outside. One of the attendees came on to my wife. We informed him we're not swingers. His response? He told us it was OK to "watch" the first time or two.

Abby, we're not prudes, but we feel uncomfortable visiting these friends. We now return to our bedroom when the swingers arrive. In contrast, when Andy and Corinne come to visit us in Tennessee, we have dinner, play cards and go to church on Sunday.

We have spoken to them about this. They tell us they "keep their relationship fresh" this way. We don't want to lose them as friends, but we don't know what to do. Can you help? -- SATISFIED WITH EACH OTHER

DEAR SATISFIED: I'll try. Because you like Andy and Corinne every other day of the week when you visit them, schedule an outside activity -- dinner and a movie, a play -- anything that will get you out of their den of iniquity on Saturday night. Either that, or leave for home on Friday.

DEAR ABBY: After 13 years of marriage, my wife has stopped wearing her wedding rings. First she said her fingers had shrunk and her rings kept falling off. Then she claimed that the "golf club had bent them." Now she refuses to wear them out of spite because I told her the rings are a sign of commitment, and I feel she's "advertising" that she's not married.

Am I reading too much into this? In many ways she is still a dutiful wife, but this ring thing is becoming an issue. Any pearls of wisdom? -- FEELING INSECURE IN MIDWAY, GA.

DEAR FEELING INSECURE: Your problem isn't the "ring thing." It's that your wife is lying to you and acting out of spite. It is very important that you quickly get to the root of what's really bothering her because the rings are only a symptom of an underlying problem.

DEAR ABBY: My wife leaves knives lying around our house -- and not just on countertops. She also leaves the dishwasher wide open and then goes to take a shower.

We have a 4-year-old son who is curious about everything. I have tried to no avail to get her to understand that what she's doing is dangerous, but it turns into a fight, or she says I'm scolding her and treating her like a child.

Please help. I don't want anything to happen to our son, and I can't seem to get my wife to pay attention. -- WORRIED SICK, RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR WORRIED SICK: She may be careless, or she may have some kind of disorder. Your wife really should be evaluated to determine what's going on. If she resists the suggestion, please remind her that if her child is hurt by a sharp object left lying around or within his reach, he will probably need to be taken to the emergency room. And the doctors there will be required to report his injury to the authorities -- even if it doesn't kill him or maim him for life.

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DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Embarrassed in Ohio" (May 28), who lives in an affluent suburb and is ashamed for her daughter's friends to see her house and cars, hit home with me. We also live in a community where we can't keep up. We're in an apartment, while most of my children's friends live in beautiful homes with big yards. My husband and I both grew up with more than what we're able to provide our children.

Abby, your response made some excellent points, but I don't think you fully understand what it's like to live this way. We're the underdogs in a snooty community. Re-evaluating priorities and working on self-esteem are important. But they do not negate how we feel when our kids ask, "Why don't we have a yard like everyone else?" Or when the PTA moms snub us because of where we live.

I am thankful for my life, my loving husband and my beautiful, healthy children. I left a career to be a stay-at-home mom. The house a person lives in shouldn't matter, but the unfortunate reality is that, in our society, it does. -- "GETS IT" IN THE 'BURBS

DEAR GETS IT: I appreciate your sincere comments. The response to "Embarrassed's" letter was varied, and many of the writers expressed different views from yours. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in a nice, middle-class neighborhood. My best friend, her three siblings and their single mom lived in a "dumpy" little house in a poor section of town. Abby, I LOVED going there and experiencing the feeling of family they gave me.

I had some of the best times of my life in that tiny house. There was always home-cooked food, warm conversation, and I was always welcome. As a young teen, I felt my opinions were valued there. Frankly, it was more of a home than my own house was. -- HALLY IN LONG BEACH

DEAR ABBY: We were the poor folks in the rich part of town. But do you know where all the neighbor kids wanted to play? At our house. My friends were jealous because I had parents who were there to talk to us and supervise. Our birthday parties didn't have clowns, ponies or caterers, but everyone loved our homemade cake, hot dogs, balloons and backyard games.

We had fun, and no one had to worry about what others thought. Sure, there were some snobs. But their kids wanted to be our friends. "Embarrassed" should relax, enjoy her family and stop worrying so much about appearances. Appearances can be deceiving. -- POORER, BUT RICHER

DEAR ABBY: My husband, children and I are fortunate to have a beautiful home and luxury cars. "Embarrassed" should know that many of us do not judge others by their material possessions, but rather for who they are inside. I encourage my kids to go to any of their friends' homes, as long as there is responsible adult supervision and similar values.

"Embarrassed": Show pride in what you have and keep things clean and tidy. If there's an issue with some of the other parents, then why associate with elitist snobs? -- MARIE IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: I also began to feel discontented with my home and "things." Then I volunteered at a soup kitchen. It changed my attitude to one of gratitude. I suggest that "Embarrassed" donate some time to help those less fortunate. It'll do wonders for her perspective. -- LOVES LIFE IN COPAKE, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: We raised five children on my husband's salary as a teacher and lived in an upscale community. One day, when my 8-year-old had a friend over, I began to wash the kitchen floor. The little girl stood there watching with interest and said, "Our maid does that!" I replied, "Honey, I AM the maid!" It never hurts to give someone a reality check. -- MARILYN IN GROSSE POINTE