DEAR ABBY: My little sister, "Cynda," committed suicide nine years ago. She was only 13. She did it because she was being severely bullied at school.

I am now a mother, and my 7-year-old daughter has been asking about Aunt Cynda and how she died. I have told her that Auntie Cynda had a bad hurt on her neck and passed away. Abby, my sister hung herself in her bedroom.

When is the right time or age to explain suicide to a child? This is a very sensitive subject in my family. I don't want my daughter talking to others about my sister's death, especially my mother. I would prefer to teach my little girl about the wonderful person Cynda was. Do you have any advice for me? -- HOLDING ONTO INNOCENCE

DEAR HOLDING: Yes. I sympathize with your desire to protect your daughter's innocence. But has it occurred to you that the reason she's asking about Cynda is because she has already heard something and didn't get the answers she needed?

Ask your daughter why she's asking about her aunt. Then give her bits of information in doses she can absorb. A suicide in the family can be a sensitive subject, but sooner or later the truth is going to come out. And it's important that your child know that if she has questions about ANYthing, she can come to her mother for honest answers.

DEAR ABBY: "Lila" is a lovely girl who works part-time in the administrative office of our university to help pay for her education. She has scoliosis, a curvature of the spine, which you would never guess by looking at her.

Lila's problem is she has an hour-long ride on the subway to get here, and after carrying a heavy backpack all day, standing becomes too painful. There have been times when she has given up her seat to an elderly person or a pregnant woman, but sometimes her back is so sore she simply cannot get off her seat.

What is the proper etiquette in this situation, and how should she deal with the glares she gets when she doesn't give up her seat? -- CURIOUS IN ONTARIO

DEAR CURIOUS: Your friend does not owe anyone an explanation for remaining in her seat -- and the less personal information she reveals about herself to strangers, the better. However, I do have a word of advice for her. Instead of lugging around a heavy backpack, which further stresses the muscles in her already stressed back, she should invest in a rolling bag to transport her books. It might help her to have less pain more often.

DEAR ABBY: I work with a guy I consider to be a close friend. He is friendly, outgoing and very personable. My concern is that he often tells lies -- sometimes about big things, other times about small ones. I see a pattern, and it's really starting to annoy me.

He lies to his wife about "working late" to avoid going home early to help with the kids. He'll lie to me about innocuous things and to our boss about his accomplishments.

I believe lying is one of the worst things a person can do. Should I call him on it, or just start distancing myself from the friendship? -- TIRED OF THE LIES

DEAR TIRED: The last thing you need is an enemy in the workplace. I see nothing to be gained by calling your co-worker on the fact that he isn't a straight shooter. Your mistake is in thinking this man is capable of real friendship. He may be "friendly, outgoing and personable," but he lacks the most important ingredient necessary in a friendship, and that's character. Distancing is the way to go.

DEAR ABBY: A co-worker, "Marilyn," recently returned from time off with a noticeably different face. She said nothing about it, so we didn't either for a while. Finally, one woman remarked to her that she appeared to have had "some work done." Abby, Marilyn denied it!

What's considered proper here? Should we have said something initially about her radically changed appearance? We were afraid if we ignored it she'd be disappointed. Having spent that much money and gone through that much pain, wouldn't she have been crushed if we hadn't? -- INQUIRING MINDS IN PASADENA

DEAR INQUIRING: When someone has spent big bucks on plastic surgery, the one question that person does NOT want to hear is, "Have you had some work done?" If someone has a good surgeon, the results are subtle, not radical.

A more tactful way to have approached your co-worker would have been to say, "Marilyn, you look wonderful -- so RESTED. That trip took years off you ... " Then, if Marilyn wanted to share her secret, she could have -- or just said thank you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have always been active. We're avid campers and certified scuba divers; we water-ski and enjoy taking leisurely rides along country roads on our motorcycle.

I recently had an accident and had to have an X-ray of my spine. Afterward, my doctor informed me that the vertebrae in my neck are positioned in such a way that if I'm ever in another accident, I would probably become a paraplegic.

My husband now wants to sell our motorcycle and do everything possible to "protect" me. How do I tell this wonderful man that I don't want to change our lifestyle? We do not do anything dangerous, but he insists that we now have to watch out for "the fools out there." -- ADVENTURER IN ALBANY, GA.

DEAR ADVENTURER: Frankly, I agree with your husband. There is no denying that motorcycles can be dangerous even when the riders are taking every precaution. However, because you feel so strongly about this, perhaps you should consider getting a second medical opinion. If the second doctor agrees with the first, then you and your husband must decide whether a leisurely ride in the country is worth the risk of a lifetime in a wheelchair, because that outcome would affect him, too.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small town in Alaska. A relationship with a woman I loved more than I have ever loved anyone has ended. I'm left with only pain, misery and suffering.

I keep trying to move on, but everything I do makes me think of her. I have asked friends for advice; they all tell me to "man up and get over it!"

It's frustrating to be told to "get over her" and accept what is. I know brooding isn't helpful, but it's a natural byproduct of pain. What I need to ask you is this: Is it worth putting your heart and soul on the line with the likely possibility of having them crushed? I hope so, because without hope, then what is there to live for? That thought scares me more than anything I have ever experienced. -- HEARTBROKEN UP NORTH

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Of course it's worth it, because without risk there is no reward. I am speaking with the voice of experience. You have plenty to live for. Falling in love is like prospecting for gold. Sometimes you strike the mother lode on the first try, but most times you have to keep digging. I don't know how small the community you live in is, but if it's so small that most of the eligible candidates for romance have been eliminated, then you should consider relocating.

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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Kent," and I have been together almost three years. It started out as a long-distance relationship, but my children and I have recently moved to his town.

When we were long-distance, we'd talk several times a day and say how much we loved each other. Now we don't talk that often except when we fight over stupid things, and the "I love you's" are almost nonexistent. I say it to Kent all the time. During a couple of our fights he actually told me he doesn't love me, and his actions sometimes show me he means it. When I try to discuss it, he says he was just mad and that he really does love me.

Abby, what bothers me is when we have "alone time" -- the kids are asleep or away -- Kent would rather watch sports, play on the computer, go out to the movies with his best friend or sleep. When it comes to romance -- it doesn't happen more than twice a month or unless he's drunk.

When we first got together, Kent wanted to do everything with me. Now I have to fight for us to spend any time at all together. What can I do? -- NEGLECTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NEGLECTED: It's time to take a giant step back and reassess this romance, or what's left of it. If Kent asked you to pick up your children and move to his town, then it appears he has either had a change of heart or he's a heel. If he didn't, then your going there was a miscalculation on your part.

It is crucial that you understand how important it is that a person's words and actions match. Kent may tell you he loves you occasionally and under pressure, but his ACTIONS prove otherwise. What you have described is a romance that's going nowhere positive, and if you still have the option, you should pack your bags and go back where you came from.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married three years. My wife comes from a large family, most of whom are here on the East Coast. She is close to all her sisters. One of them, "Kate," is gay and moved out west to be with her girlfriend, "Leslie."

Kate and Leslie break up every year. Then Kate flies back to visit the family. Everyone tells her not to reconcile with Leslie and to start a life without her. After a few weeks, Kate goes back, gets back together with Leslie, and the cycle starts all over again.

It's always the same story: Leslie initiates the breakup. Kate gets lonely and calls us for comfort at all hours of the night because she doesn't work a "normal" job, and it's still early for her. My wife and I both work and we have to get up very early.

I have told my wife that Kate needs to break this repeating cycle. I want to speak up but don't think it's my place as a non-blood relative. Is there anything anyone can do to get through to her that what she's doing is not only hurting her, but other family members? -- SLEEP-DEPRIVED IN SPRINGFIELD, VA.

DEAR SLEEP-DEPRIVED: Sorry, but Kate needs to figure that out for herself. In the meantime, you and your wife need to agree on what time to turn off the ringer on your phone. Sleep is important, and your health could depend on it.