DEAR ABBY: I am a 35-year-old married woman who, unfortunately, has an overprotective mother. Mom was always clingy. When I was young I was rarely allowed to go anywhere without her, including visits to nearby homes of friends or family. She always had to come along, too.

Now, Mom is insisting I call her every night "so she can hear the sound of my voice" and I can let her know I'm all right. It's driving me insane. We live in the same town. If I go over to visit, she expects me to call her the minute I get home so she knows I'm OK. I finally put my foot down on that one. But still she pouts.

Mom is 70. If I tell her I won't call, she lays a guilt trip on me. The nightly phone conversation is always the same, and it has become a chore. I don't enjoy it, and needless to say, my husband isn't thrilled with it either.

I know of no one my age who calls her mother every night. Talking once a week to catch up on things would be better -- we could have an enjoyable conversation. How can I stop this without feeling horrible? Am I wrong? -- CONFLICTED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONFLICTED: I feel sorry for your mother. She apparently has no other life, no other interests beyond you. You have my sympathy, too, but at her age, it is unrealistic to expect her to change a pattern that was set 35 years ago.

I don't know how involved these nightly conversations with her are, but I recommend you make them very short. "Hi, Mom -- I'm home. Goodbye!" Alternatively, you could agree upon a signal such as one ring of the phone so she'll know you are safe. Even then, she probably won't be satisfied, so be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: I recently spent a few days with my 64-year-old brother, "Austen." His wife divorced him several years ago, and his latest girlfriend recently broke up with him. I suspect I know why. He has turned into a crashing bore.

My brother used to be interested in the people around him, but now it seems like he doesn't care about anyone but himself. He spends hours on end telling me -- and anyone else who will listen -- about the minutiae of his daily life. He talks about his chores, his plans for future chores and the shows he listens to on the radio.

He never once asked about me or the rest of the family, about our interests or activities unless it was a setup so he could deliver another monologue about something.

Austen wants to start dating again. Would I be doing him a favor by saying something about his self-centeredness? Or would I be hurting his feelings? I miss the way my brother used to be. -- SILENT SISTER IN ARIZONA

DEAR SILENT SISTER: When did this personality change in your brother occur? Was it sudden, or has it been coming on for a long time? He may be depressed over the failure of his marriage and his latest romance. Or there may be an underlying physical cause.

As a loving sister, suggest that your brother have a checkup with his doctor if it has been some time since he's had one. If he wants to know why, it would not be out of line to tell him that when you visited him it seemed that his horizons are no longer as broad as they used to be, and you are worried that he may be depressed. But do not tell him you think he has turned into a self-centered bore because it would be both unkind and unhelpful.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl and I have always had a fear of heights. But my mother and sister love thrill rides. As a result, we often go to theme parks. When we do, I'll usually go on a couple of the "kiddie rides," which is what Mom calls "mild" rides. Mom and my sister try to drag me on the roller coasters, but I always say no.

After I refuse a few times, Mom will finally snap. The last time it happened she said: "You know what? I'm not paying for your ticket if you're going to wimp out and not go on any rides."

I have been driven to tears more than once. She won't stop even if my friends are with us. I wish I could stay home when they go, but then my mom accuses me of being "antisocial."

Please tell me what I can do or say to her to make her stop doing this. -- TIRED TEEN IN COLTON, N.Y.

DEAR TIRED TEEN: Your mother may think that your refusal to go on the roller coaster (etc.) is a bid for attention, but she is wrong. She isn't taking into consideration how severe a fear of heights can be -- some people require professional intervention to overcome it, and it costs a heck of a lot more than a ticket to a theme park. Because you can't seem to get through to her, appeal to one of her friends or a close relative to help you get the message across. Believe me, you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: In December, right before Christmas, my daughter and I went shopping. We visited several stores in a strip mall in the small town where we live. After returning to my vehicle, I left the wheelchair I use for long distances at the back for my daughter to load.

We were getting ready to leave town. I hurried home, wrapped the gifts I had bought, then rushed out again to deliver them in the next town. When we reached our next stop, I realized I had left my wallet in the pocket of my wheelchair. When I asked my daughter to retrieve it, she looked at me and said, "You took the wheelchair out?" That was when we realized she had forgotten to load it.

I started calling the stores to ask if anyone had turned in a wallet and wheelchair. The answer was no. When I decided to call the sheriff's department and ask if anyone had turned the items in, the dispatcher began asking me all kinds of questions about my whereabouts and safety. Abby, they thought I had been kidnapped! I felt terrible for upsetting everyone.

I would like to thank the good Samaritan who turned in my wheelchair and my wallet, intact, with nothing missing. The items in it could have been replaced, but there is no way I could have replaced the wheelchair because it was expensive.

I would also like to thank the sheriff's department, which had a deputy at the door before I was off the phone with the dispatcher, for their quick response. -- GINGER IN LIVE OAK, FLA.

DEAR GINGER: I'm pleased to publish your testimonial to the fact that there are honest, caring people in this world. Of course, it's no surprise, but we seem to hear an awful lot more about sociopaths and psychopaths than we do the good people who make up the vast majority. And hats off to your sheriff's department, who handled the situation with proficiency, humanity and professionalism.

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DEAR ABBY: I often go to the movies with my friend "Valerie." During the movie she puts her phone on mute, but I can still hear when it vibrates. Val acts embarrassed by it, but she never turns the phone off.

As soon as the movie ends, Val will check her phone for the message. (It's never anything that couldn't wait.) Then she returns the call and talks to the caller all the way out of the theater and to her car where we say our goodbyes.

The last time we went to a film, I met her at a cinema miles from where I live, battling rush-hour traffic. When I arrived, she was standing in line with her exercise instructor. They spent the extra hour before the movie began discussing workout techniques, completely ignoring me and the instructor's husband. Val also "had" to place a call to a co-worker while we waited.

When Valerie calls me, she'll interrupt me in mid-sentence to take a non-emergency call from family. She promises to call me right back, but never does. Abby, I value her friendship, but I'm tired of her rudeness. I'm not good at confrontations. What can I do? -- SECOND BANANA

DEAR SECOND BANANA: The relationship you have with Val is not what I would call friendship. Friends enjoy each other's company and enjoy talking with each other. Friends are sensitive to each other's feelings. With each of the actions you have described, Val is demonstrating that you -- and your feelings -- are less important than what she impulsively decides to do at the moment.

Under the circumstances, I don't think it would be "confrontational" to tell this woman that your feelings are hurt and why. From where I sit, she has treated you like nothing more than a seat partner.

DEAR ABBY: What does it mean when a spouse refers only to himself when talking about things that involve the two of us as a couple? Example: We're building a house, but he never says "we" when talking about it. He'll say, "my house," or "I'm not going to pay that much."

When I mention this to him, he gets angry and says, "You know what I mean." Well, I don't because I always say "we" when referring to financial matters or anything else that pertains to both of us. Am I being petty? -- TEAM PLAYER IN OHIO

DEAR TEAM PLAYER: Yes, if you take this personally. In the grand scheme of things, this isn't worth picking a fight over. And if you're smart, you will choose your battles.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are invited to my dad and stepmom's house for almost every holiday. There are usually 25 to 35 people at these events. After dinner, the "girls" are expected to clear the tables, wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. I don't mind volunteering, but my stepmom INSISTS. No dessert is served until everything is clean.

When I invite guests to my home, I ask them to leave the dishes and "let's enjoy ourselves." I believe that when you invite people over, you should not expect them to work unless they volunteer. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- STUCK IN A CYCLE

DEAR STUCK: You are entitled to your feelings, but what you are describing are two different styles of entertaining. Your father and stepmom are traditional in their thinking, as demonstrated by the gender-driven division of labor. While I agree that your stepmom could be less heavy-handed in her approach, it is her house, and on their turf, the hosts get to make the rules. If you really resent being conscripted when you attend these gatherings, perhaps you should attend fewer of them.

CONFIDENTIAL TO PAULINE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: It's your birthday, Mama -- 91 amazing years. You have taught me by example all of the important life lessons, and I love you with all my heart. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.