DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Frustrated Shopper in Idaho" (April 5) made me very upset. I am a cashier in a local grocery store. I understand a shopper's frustration when she/he gets in the express lane only to find someone with a full cart up ahead. But we cashiers are between a rock and a hard place. If we ask a customer to please go to another lane, the customer will get upset, tell us we're rude and complain to the manager. If we say nothing to avoid upsetting that one customer, then the others waiting in line get angry.

Customers need to be respectful and not assume they're entitled to bring their fully loaded cart into the express lane. It's not the cashier's fault, and we do not need "more training"! -- CHRISTY IN OHIO

DEAR CHRISTY: Mea culpa. I heard from a slew of angry cashiers across the country echoing similar sentiments. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a checker, and I'm frequently assigned to the express lane. I was trained very well and usually politely tell customers that it is a "10 items or less" line. However, it is beyond my control when the managers push them down my line to get them out of the store sooner, or when a manager tells me he/she is sending someone down with "a few extra things" without asking for my input. It is neither the customer's fault nor mine. I try to enforce this rule, but not all customers are polite or willing to listen. -- ANNOYED CHECKER

DEAR ABBY: A simple and effective solution to this problem would be to program the express lanes to accept no more than the posted limit for that lane, e.g., 10 items. If businesses can program their systems to accommodate senior discounts, bag rebates, double coupons, buy-one-get-one, etc., surely they can program an express lane limit. -- VIRGINIA SHOPPER

DEAR ABBY: I was a manager for 24 years at a national supermarket chain, and I can answer "Frustrated Shopper." A cashier would not be fired for enforcing the rules, but because of a higher number of customer complaints. Supermarkets want friendly cashiers. It's not the cashier's job to enforce rules; that's the manager's job.

To risk losing customers by embarrassing them is not something most managers are willing to do. Think about it: Who's spending more -- the person with a few items or someone with a full cart? -- FORMER MANAGER IN ORLANDO

DEAR ABBY: I'm a checker for a national grocery chain, and I'll share with you a checker's "wish list" for grocery shoppers:

1. If you're shopping with a friend and have more than one order in the cart, please use the regular checkout line. While each order may be less than 15 items, two 10-item orders take more time than one large order, so please be considerate of others. They're in a hurry, too.

2. If you're buying liquor, have your ID, wallet, debit card, cash, etc. on your person, not out in your car.

3. If you have special bagging needs, please use the regular lines. The express lane is not the place for this type of special handling.

4. While you're at the register, please stay off your cell phone. Checkers are people, too, and we may have questions and need your attention. Distracted customers slow us down.

In other words, treat the express lane (and the checker) the way you would like to be treated if you were in a hurry and the person who is standing behind you in line. -- FRUSTRATED CHECKER IN THE USA

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Beau," and I moved in together and already we have trust issues. He doesn't trust me around his computer. He said he has things on it that are part of his past, and it's none of my business.

One of the things he doesn't want me to see is "The List." He keeps a list of all the girls he has slept with -- including one-night stands. I have asked Beau how many there have been, but he doesn't want to tell me "because it will hurt me." He has revealed that it's a number between 10 and 50.

I have asked him to delete the list, but he said that if he gets a weird disease in the future, he can always refer back to it. I have nightmares about this.

Should I drop the matter? -- UNLISTED NUMBER IN TEXAS

DEAR UNLISTED: No, honey. You should drop him. If Beau was simply afraid you would see how many women he has slept with and was trying to protect your feelings, he would print out the list and stash it in a safety deposit box. What he's afraid of is that you'll see the list is GROWING.

I don't blame you for having nightmares. A man who is seriously worried that he'll get a weird disease in the future is exposing himself and YOU to them now. So pack your bags, get out of there and schedule an appointment with your gynecologist ASAP.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister, "Carole," has been dealing with breast cancer for almost a year. Although my family and I live three hours away and are struggling with problems of our own, we have always been supportive of her.

Last week, Carole called to tell me she'll be going to Australia at the end of the year -- a "reward" from her husband for everything she has been through. I was happy for her until she informed me that I would be taking care of her kids for two weeks while she's on vacation.

I joked, "It doesn't sound like you're giving me any choice in this." She replied: "No, I'm not. I went through cancer. I deserve this trip."

I reminded Carole that when I watched her kids just two months ago, things didn't go well. They are completely different from my children, and they don't like each other. Her 5-year-old daughter cried all night, every night while she was here. Her son destroys everything he comes into contact with -- we still have a hole in the bedroom wall -- and has a vocabulary I don't want my kids exposed to.

Do I have a right to just say "no" and offer my best wishes in finding a sitter? I feel guilty, but I don't feel she's entitled to demand this from me. Am I being a bad sister? -- NEEDS RESOLUTION IN THE MID-ATLANTIC

DEAR NEEDS RESOLUTION: Your reasons for declining your sister's edict seem perfectly reasonable to me. You took care of your niece and nephew before -- it didn't work out. You are perfectly within your rights to be firm with Carole and let her know she's going to have to make other arrangements for her little ones while she's on holiday. A perfect solution would be for them to be looked after by either set of grandparents.

DEAR ABBY: Does anyone know what the protocol is for providing food for house sitters? Should they bring their own, or should it be provided for them? -- NOT CERTAIN IN ALBANY, ORE.

DEAR NOT CERTAIN: I think the answer depends upon who is doing the sitting and for how long a period of time. However, if you're wise, you will make sure to have a clearly stated agreement in advance so there are no misunderstandings.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Paul," and I have been dating for four years. He has recently started talking about purchasing an engagement ring for me. Paul is well-off, although very frugal, which is how he accumulated most of his wealth.

Paul has been searching online sites for a used ring. He says he "doesn't want to waste his money on a new engagement ring when he can buy a used one." This from a man who didn't think twice about spending thousands of dollars to buy his son a brand-new car or a brand-new boat for himself.

Am I wrong to feel I'm only worth a used engagement ring? This is the most precious gift he could give me -- a sign of our love and commitment -- and I would cherish it forever. I am deeply hurt and would appreciate your thoughts on how to pursue this issue. -- FEELING "USED" IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FEELING "USED": There's a difference between frugal and just plain cheap. That Paul would tell you he considers buying you a new engagement ring is a WASTE shows insensitivity to your feelings. Would he also prefer that your wedding gown come from a thrift store? I know it has been four years, but please take a moment, step back and ask yourself how stingy Paul is about other things.

Obviously, you are a romantic, and Paul is pragmatic to the core. He wants his dollar to stretch as far as it will go. But shopping online for a used ring is risky. Unless he buys from a reputable dealer, he could wind up paying the price of a diamond for a lovely zircon.

Paul may seem like a "gem," but is this the way you want to live the rest of your life? Bear in mind that while not every woman would be averse to wearing a pre-owned diamond that was recycled and reset, you do not appear to be one of them.

DEAR ABBY: How can my daughter broach the subject of her matron of honor's "beard"? We're not talking about a few hairs here, but a growth that would make some young men envious. The wedding is coming up soon, and the bride and groom are concerned how it will look in the wedding pictures, but they don't want to hurt her feelings.

I, for one, have been taking quick swipes with my razor for years, and my whiskers haven't grown back thicker or darker, and I only have to do it once or twice a week. Ladies, if unwanted facial hair embarrasses you, forget the myth that shaving will make it worse. You don't have to lather up like a man at the sink, and no one has to know it but you. -- BRIDE'S MOM, ST. LOUIS

DEAR MOM: Before the wedding, schedule a "spa" day for the women in the bridal party -- manicures, pedicures, waxing. When you get there, invite the "bearded lady" to join you in getting any excess facial hair removed. If she sees she isn't alone, she may go for it. And if she's resistant, your wedding photographer can always "Photoshop" the fur away.