DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Beau," and I moved in together and already we have trust issues. He doesn't trust me around his computer. He said he has things on it that are part of his past, and it's none of my business.

One of the things he doesn't want me to see is "The List." He keeps a list of all the girls he has slept with -- including one-night stands. I have asked Beau how many there have been, but he doesn't want to tell me "because it will hurt me." He has revealed that it's a number between 10 and 50.

I have asked him to delete the list, but he said that if he gets a weird disease in the future, he can always refer back to it. I have nightmares about this.

Should I drop the matter? -- UNLISTED NUMBER IN TEXAS

DEAR UNLISTED: No, honey. You should drop him. If Beau was simply afraid you would see how many women he has slept with and was trying to protect your feelings, he would print out the list and stash it in a safety deposit box. What he's afraid of is that you'll see the list is GROWING.

I don't blame you for having nightmares. A man who is seriously worried that he'll get a weird disease in the future is exposing himself and YOU to them now. So pack your bags, get out of there and schedule an appointment with your gynecologist ASAP.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister, "Carole," has been dealing with breast cancer for almost a year. Although my family and I live three hours away and are struggling with problems of our own, we have always been supportive of her.

Last week, Carole called to tell me she'll be going to Australia at the end of the year -- a "reward" from her husband for everything she has been through. I was happy for her until she informed me that I would be taking care of her kids for two weeks while she's on vacation.

I joked, "It doesn't sound like you're giving me any choice in this." She replied: "No, I'm not. I went through cancer. I deserve this trip."

I reminded Carole that when I watched her kids just two months ago, things didn't go well. They are completely different from my children, and they don't like each other. Her 5-year-old daughter cried all night, every night while she was here. Her son destroys everything he comes into contact with -- we still have a hole in the bedroom wall -- and has a vocabulary I don't want my kids exposed to.

Do I have a right to just say "no" and offer my best wishes in finding a sitter? I feel guilty, but I don't feel she's entitled to demand this from me. Am I being a bad sister? -- NEEDS RESOLUTION IN THE MID-ATLANTIC

DEAR NEEDS RESOLUTION: Your reasons for declining your sister's edict seem perfectly reasonable to me. You took care of your niece and nephew before -- it didn't work out. You are perfectly within your rights to be firm with Carole and let her know she's going to have to make other arrangements for her little ones while she's on holiday. A perfect solution would be for them to be looked after by either set of grandparents.

DEAR ABBY: Does anyone know what the protocol is for providing food for house sitters? Should they bring their own, or should it be provided for them? -- NOT CERTAIN IN ALBANY, ORE.

DEAR NOT CERTAIN: I think the answer depends upon who is doing the sitting and for how long a period of time. However, if you're wise, you will make sure to have a clearly stated agreement in advance so there are no misunderstandings.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Paul," and I have been dating for four years. He has recently started talking about purchasing an engagement ring for me. Paul is well-off, although very frugal, which is how he accumulated most of his wealth.

Paul has been searching online sites for a used ring. He says he "doesn't want to waste his money on a new engagement ring when he can buy a used one." This from a man who didn't think twice about spending thousands of dollars to buy his son a brand-new car or a brand-new boat for himself.

Am I wrong to feel I'm only worth a used engagement ring? This is the most precious gift he could give me -- a sign of our love and commitment -- and I would cherish it forever. I am deeply hurt and would appreciate your thoughts on how to pursue this issue. -- FEELING "USED" IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FEELING "USED": There's a difference between frugal and just plain cheap. That Paul would tell you he considers buying you a new engagement ring is a WASTE shows insensitivity to your feelings. Would he also prefer that your wedding gown come from a thrift store? I know it has been four years, but please take a moment, step back and ask yourself how stingy Paul is about other things.

Obviously, you are a romantic, and Paul is pragmatic to the core. He wants his dollar to stretch as far as it will go. But shopping online for a used ring is risky. Unless he buys from a reputable dealer, he could wind up paying the price of a diamond for a lovely zircon.

Paul may seem like a "gem," but is this the way you want to live the rest of your life? Bear in mind that while not every woman would be averse to wearing a pre-owned diamond that was recycled and reset, you do not appear to be one of them.

DEAR ABBY: How can my daughter broach the subject of her matron of honor's "beard"? We're not talking about a few hairs here, but a growth that would make some young men envious. The wedding is coming up soon, and the bride and groom are concerned how it will look in the wedding pictures, but they don't want to hurt her feelings.

I, for one, have been taking quick swipes with my razor for years, and my whiskers haven't grown back thicker or darker, and I only have to do it once or twice a week. Ladies, if unwanted facial hair embarrasses you, forget the myth that shaving will make it worse. You don't have to lather up like a man at the sink, and no one has to know it but you. -- BRIDE'S MOM, ST. LOUIS

DEAR MOM: Before the wedding, schedule a "spa" day for the women in the bridal party -- manicures, pedicures, waxing. When you get there, invite the "bearded lady" to join you in getting any excess facial hair removed. If she sees she isn't alone, she may go for it. And if she's resistant, your wedding photographer can always "Photoshop" the fur away.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently invited to a friend's home for dinner. When I arrived just a few minutes past the time I was told the meal would be served, I found that everyone had finished eating. I was asked if I'd like something to eat and offered a plate, but refused because I would have felt uncomfortable eating alone while everyone else stood around visiting. I stayed about an hour and left.

The next day, I tried to explain to my friends that I felt like a fool walking in expecting to join them for dinner only to see it was over. I told them I thought it was rude of them to eat before all their guests had arrived. They felt that because everyone else had arrived earlier in the day and the food was ready, that it was OK. They also said I shouldn't have gotten so upset about it.

Now I feel I have caused hard feelings between us and I should have just kept my mouth shut. Was it wrong to tell them how I felt? Am I wrong in thinking you should wait for all your guests to arrive before starting a meal? -- HURT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HURT: If the invitation read, "Come between 3 p.m. and 6 p.m." and you were the last to arrive "a few minutes past the time the meal was to be served," then I can understand why the other guests started without you. However, if you were told that dinner was scheduled for 6 o'clock and when you arrived you were offered their leftovers, then your feelings are understandable.

Should you have spoken up? I think friends should be able to level with each other. And I find it interesting that telling them your feelings put them on the defensive.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ted," a widower, for two years. Ted has two daughters in their 20s. One is a college student; the other is a professional woman. Both girls still live at home. The problem in our relationship is that Ted allows them to dictate what he can and cannot do.

I have been patient and understanding about the situation. Ted's wife died three years ago, at age 50. The family was close. I feel Ted is leading two lives -- one I am not a part of, which includes his friends, and our life, which includes my friends and family. Ted comes to my place and gets along with my 20-something sons with ease, but when I suggest going to his house, he refuses. He says his girls want nothing to do with me and tell him I'm not welcome.

His daughters have attempted more than once to sabotage our relationship, but I continue to be patient. Ted has said the girls need counseling, but they refuse. I suggested he go and then they could join him. Abby, how can a parent make adult children realize he needs to move on and live a happy, healthy life? -- BIDING MY TIME IN ROCHESTER

DEAR BIDING: Ted will not be able to convince his daughters until he accepts that reality himself and makes clear to them that he expects his friends to be treated with the same respect and good manners he treats theirs. However, what I find troubling about your situation is that he has never introduced you to any of his friends, either.

I agree that Ted appears to be living two lives. I also agree that he could benefit from counseling. But the question you should be asking yourself -- not me -- is how long you intend to tolerate the status quo.