DEAR ABBY: I'm 10 years old and worried about my friend "Kelly." Her father has fought in two wars and suffers from PTSD, and when he loses it, he hits her.

I really want to tell someone who can help her, but she wants to "keep it a secret." I'm afraid if I tell, my best friend will get separated from her family. What should I do? -- HOPING TO HELP A FRIEND

DEAR HOPING TO HELP: Some secrets are meant to be kept, but physical abuse isn't one of them. One of the saddest things about abuse is that the victims often come to believe they deserve it because that's what the abuser tells them (This is YOUR fault -- YOU made me do this!). Of course, when someone loses control, it isn't the victim's fault but rather the abuser's, because the abuser is unable to control his (or her) emotions.

There are worse things than being removed from a violent family situation, among them the risk of serious injury. That's why it's important that you tell a trusted adult what's happening to Kelly. This needs to be reported so her father can get the help he so desperately needs.

DEAR ABBY: In our school, we're not allowed to have our cell phones out or turned on, but of course, people do it anyway. Some of these students have extremely high-pitched ring tones. They are at such a frequency that the older teachers cannot hear them. Many adults do not hear the noise.

These "mosquito" tones hurt my ears, and just about everyone in the room cringes when someone gets a text message. I'm not sure what to do. The teachers are oblivious, and there are far too many cell phones out to report them all. Should I endure it until I graduate? -- HATING THE INVISIBLE NOISE

DEAR HATING THE NOISE: Have a private chat with the teacher, tell him or her what's going on, and explain that the tones are a distraction in class. Then talk to some of the other students you see cringing when the "mosquitoes" start buzzing. If a number of you start visibly reacting to the noise, your teacher should notice and begin to take action.

P.S. Some electronics-savvy educators insist that all cell phones be placed on their desks when students enter the classroom.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married in an impromptu ceremony while visiting his parents. We didn't have a ring, so his mother offered to give me the wedding ring she had inherited from her mother as a gift.

About a year ago, my husband gave me an anniversary band, which I decided to wear with the ring from my mother-in-law. However, when she heard about my new ring, she asked me to return her mother's ring. I am hurt that she wants it back because I'd like to keep it. What should I do? -- TWO-RING CIRCUS

DEAR TWO-RING: First, let me tell you what not to do. Although the ring was a "gift," do not allow it to become a bone of contention. In the interest of family harmony, return it to your mother-in-law with a sweet note thanking her for letting you wear it all this time, and telling her how much that "symbol of her love and acceptance" has meant to you all these years. Maybe she'll leave it to you in her will.

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away last year, and my whole world has been rocked. To make it worse, my father has been acting like a little boy. Soon after Mom's death, he met a woman. Since then, he has not included me and my siblings in any decisions regarding Mom's belongings -- including expensive and sentimental things that have been in our family for years.

When we ask Dad about the items, he says, "They're mine now," or, "You have nothing to do with them." Mom prided herself on these antiques that have stayed in the family. We would like to pass them on to our children and their cousins, but Dad has been selling them and using the money to pay for his lifestyle.

Am I wrong for feeling that Dad is acting like a spoiled brat? Talking to him is useless. He responds like a kid at the playground whose friends won't play the way he likes. -- LET DOWN BY DAD IN N.Y.

DEAR LET DOWN: Although it may not seem like it, your mother's death may have rocked your father's world, too. It is regrettable that the "mechanism" he has chosen to help him through the grieving process is so expensive he must sell family assets to afford her. However, unless your mother left a will specifying what items she wanted you and your siblings to have, then they are legally your father's to dispose of as he wishes. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I've been single for a year and a half, and have four children. After 14 miserable years, I finally left their father. He abused me in many ways, which is the reason I left.

He is now in a relationship -- and I want him back. Is this normal? I thought I left for all the right reasons, and I never expected to feel this way. I can't understand why my feelings for him are starting to resurface. I thought that part of my life was over.

Is it because I'm alone? Is it because he has someone else? Am I jealous? Please give me some insight. I'm ... DAZED IN ARIZONA

DEAR DAZED: The feelings you are experiencing are normal and are probably a combination of each of the reasons you mentioned. You have the responsibility of raising your four children, and you probably envision you and your ex floating off on a pink cloud to a happy ending. Well, grab the smelling salts because it isn't going to happen.

By leaving your husband and removing the children from that toxic environment, you took a giant step toward a healthy future for all of you. Your husband is an abuser. What he did to you he will do to his new lady friend sooner or later. So be glad you got out, and don't look back. Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. If you do it, you'll be frozen in place, too.

DEAR ABBY: Will you please settle a dispute between my best friend and me? If you are attending a non-military wedding, should your male escort wear his military uniform? My friend says it's an honor to be in the service, and it's perfectly acceptable for a guest to wear a uniform to the wedding. -- DEBBIE IN BALTIMORE

DEAR DEBBIE: Wearing a military uniform to a wedding is "perfectly acceptable," but it would be wise to first ask the bride how she feels about it. She may object because there have been instances in which the serviceperson cut such a dashing figure in his uniform that he (almost) overshadowed the bride.

DEAR ABBY: I have started a promising career I thoroughly enjoy. But my husband, "Derrick," has been laid off from his job due to the economy.

I love Derrick with all my heart. I hate to see him hurting. I keep reminding him that he's still a wonderful person and a great worker. I tell him God is watching over us and will help him; it seems to be doing no good. Losing his job appears to have damaged his self-esteem as a man and, with it, our ability to connect. My husband is distant all the time.

I desperately want to help, but I'm getting scared, too. I realize it is my turn to be strong for us now. Any words of advice? -- PRAYING IN NEBRASKA

DEAR PRAYING: Love him, support him and encourage him. Remind him that losing his job wasn't his fault, and all he has to do is look at the news to know that he is far from alone.

Your husband will need to network to find out what jobs are out there for people with his skills. If that doesn't pan out, he may need to explore retraining for a career other than the one he had planned. Believe me, you both have my sympathy.

There will be an end to this recession eventually, and it's important that you not lose sight of that fact. It is also important that your husband not isolate himself. The more people he is in touch with, the better his chances for hearing about an opportunity.

DEAR ABBY: I just returned home from a doctor's follow-up appointment with a specialist (not my regular doctor). My appointment was for 1:15. I was finally seen at 2:30. Can you guess how long I was with him? The visit lasted a grand total of seven minutes. It's a good thing he didn't take my blood pressure because it would have been through the roof.

I understand there can be unforeseen issues with patients, but shouldn't the front desk staff inform the patient when he or she walks in about a delay? And how long is appropriate for a doctor to keep a patient waiting? Is it appropriate for a patient to demand to be seen? Can you issue an ultimatum such as, "I need to leave in 10 minutes"? -- SICK OF WAITING IN DENVER

DEAR SICK OF WAITING: When you arrived for your appointment, you should have asked the receptionist if the doctor was running late, and if so, approximately how far behind he was. That way, you could have stepped out for a cup of coffee if you wished.

In my opinion, if a doctor is running more than 15 to 20 minutes late, the next patient should be warned. However, making demands or issuing ultimatums is not appropriate. A more effective way to deal with it would be to call the doctor's office an hour ahead of time to see if he's on schedule.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently attended a spaghetti dinner. Is there a proper way to eat long noodles, or should one just put in a forkful and slurp up the noodles until they are gone? -- USING MY NOODLE IN DULUTH

DEAR USING YOUR NOODLE: Spaghetti can be a challenge, but consuming it by starting at one end of the noodle and sucking it into one's mouth is a distinct no-no because the sound can disrupt conversation. There are, however, exceptions to this in other cultures -- where noodles represent longevity and to cut them would be bad luck.

According to Emily Post, the proper way to eat spaghetti in our culture is "to hold the fork in one hand and a large spoon in the other. Take a few strands of pasta on the fork and place the tines against the bowl of the spoon, twirling the fork to neatly wrap the strands.

"For those who haven't mastered the art of twirling the pasta strands, there's the simple cutting method. Just be sure not to cut the whole plateful at one time; instead use your knife and fork to cut small portions."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)