DEAR ABBY: "Ralph" and I have been married a little over a year. It's the second marriage for both of us. We were both single for six years after our divorces, so we had time to become independent.

Ralph still spends his evenings and weekends the way he did when he was a bachelor. He stays in the garage and watches TV alone. We have talked about it, set up family time, and even bought the large-screen TV he wanted for the living room, but still he hides out in the garage. He comes in only to eat and use the bathroom.

I know Ralph loves me and our new family, but this is causing strain. I have two children from my last marriage, and the younger one feels deeply hurt because my husband spends no time with him. What can I do? I feel alone in this marriage. -- ALONE AND LONELY IN INDIANA

DEAR ALONE AND LONELY: You ARE alone in this marriage. If you married Ralph thinking you could change the way he acted as a bachelor, that you would have companionship and your children would have an attentive father, you may have married the wrong man. If Ralph was happy and at ease, he would not be hiding out in the garage.

Before this goes any further, you and he need to have another frank talk because the status quo is not fair to you or the children. If it doesn't work, then it's time for family counseling, if only so your children won't blame themselves for your husband's shortcomings.

However, I don't expect him to change and neither should you. This is the way he was before you married him, and a leopard doesn't change his spots.

DEAR ABBY: I have an issue with my husband and can't seem to get my point across. He refuses to wear a seat belt. He says it's uncomfortable, and he hates when he pulls it too quickly and it gets caught. I have asked him repeatedly to wear it, not only because he could get a ticket, but also for his own safety.

My car has an alarm on it, so if you don't buckle up, it beeps. He goes as far as buckling the belt behind him so it will stop. I have tried everything from explaining the safety hazards to telling him he can no longer drive my car if he can't drive safely. What can I do to make him buckle up? -- FRUSTRATED IN ALABAMA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Seat belts save lives, and that's why seat belt laws were passed. Your husband is a grown man, presumably of sound mind. You can't "make" him do anything he doesn't want to do. You can, however, refuse to ride with him if he doesn't comply -- and that's what I'm recommending.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance insists upon asking our server's name if it is not offered when she approaches our table. I am insulted that he even cares. Personally, I do not want him asking for another woman's name in my presence. I find it rude.

He, on the other hand, thinks it's rude if the server does not introduce herself. Who is right? -- NAMELESS IN GRAND PRAIRIE, TEXAS

DEAR NAMELESS: In most of the better dining establishments it is a matter of policy that the server introduce him- or herself when a party is seated. If that doesn't happen, then it is perfectly acceptable -- and, indeed, advisable -- for the guest to ask the server's name. Doing so ensures that if something is needed at the table, the diner does not have to say "Hey, you" to get the server's attention.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and have been with my high school sweetheart, "Andy," for six years. I can see myself with him for the rest of my life, but there's a problem. I am very career-oriented and have big dreams for going far, but Andy is the complete opposite. He didn't finish school and is content with a low-paying job for his "career."

I was always raised to reach for the stars, but Andy's parents are not educated, so he sees no reason to go back to school. I have spoken to him several times about my goals. He is supportive, but has no plans on doing anything for himself.

Abby, what should I do? Should I stay with Andy and lower my dreams or give up on him? Did I mention that he has no one to depend on but me? How do I let him go? Besides this issue, our relationship is perfect. Please help. -- GOAL-ORIENTED GAL IN DALLAS

DEAR GOAL-ORIENTED: Many women are the primary wage-earners in their families. And I know of happy marriages between couples with differing levels of education.

You are responsible for your future, and Andy is responsible for his. It's time to be honest with yourself about your feelings. To marry someone because "he has no one to depend on but you" is a poor reason. My intuition tells me you want out. Do you? If the answer is yes, the time to tell Andy is now.

DEAR ABBY: When seated at a dinner table where the food is served "family style," which is the proper way of passing the dishes -- to the left or to the right? I have yet to sit at such a dinner and have the plates come from one direction. They come at me from both sides!

I have a tendency to pass to the left. I am right-handed, and I hold the dish to my left and take my portions with my right hand. Because the plate is already to my left, I pass it to the left. I have also gone to some dinners where the plates were passed back and forth across the table.

Is there a correct way of passing food around the table? -- LEFT OR RIGHT? IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LEFT OR RIGHT?: According to "Emily Post's Etiquette" (which I'll paraphrase), the dishes are "traditionally" passed to the right (counterclockwise) so they move in one direction. After helping him- or herself, each diner holds the dish for the next diner or hands the dish to the person to the right so that person can take a portion. If the dish is heavy, it can be placed on the table with each pass. Any dish that has a handle should be passed so the handle faces the person receiving it.

DEAR ABBY: My favorite sister-in-law is now a two-year cancer survivor. We are thrilled that she's doing so well. But she still has her short "cancer haircut."

Abby, she has fabulous hair, but won't let it grow out. I know this may seem trivial, but she'd look like a million bucks if she'd allow her hair to get longer. She's such a special lady, none of the family want to tell her anything but how great she is. Should I keep my opinion to myself? -- LOVING RELATIVE IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR LOVING RELATIVE: Your sister-in-law's reasons for keeping her hair short may be practical, or they could be emotional. Please realize that advice which is unasked for is often unwelcome and keep your mouth shut. She'll let her hair grow out when she's ready.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my mid-60s and still work full-time. I love my work, not only because it pays well, but also for the good times I have with co-workers and the intellectual stimulation I get from solving problems. I also feel younger than my age. That may be because I have a purpose in life -- to get up early every morning, take my shower, put on my makeup and hurry to the office. At the end of the day, I feel fulfilled because I know I have done something worthwhile.

My problem is the tactless people who ask me when I'm going to retire. Sometimes I tell them that they will be the first to know if I decide to do so. Someone even told me that I should retire now "so I can begin to enjoy my life"! I told her I don't have to retire to enjoy my life because I enjoy my life every day.

I don't know what their motives are in asking. At times I become so annoyed that I just look at the person and give a sweet smile -- just to shut him/her up. I don't want to be rude, but now and then I feel like telling them that it's none of their business. Abby, what is the best response to give these busybodies? -- IRRITATED OUT WEST

DEAR IRRITATED: Give the person your standard "sweet smile" and say: "To me, retirement is a dirty word. Please don't use it in front of me again."

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law has been trying to get my son out of his tighty-whiteys for a few years now. He has gained a few pounds and they are just a little too tight. He isn't overweight, but men's underwear makers don't make in-between sizes. She has bought him a larger size, but he refuses to wear them.

Do you have any ideas on how to get him out of -- so to speak -- his tighty-whiteys and into something more flattering? By the way, I am not a meddling mother-in-law, but my daughter-in-law was too embarrassed to write. -- NOT A MEDDLER

DEAR NOT A MEDDLER: One way to accomplish it might be for your daughter-in-law to occasionally mention how "hot" your son would look in something else. If that doesn't work, she should just continue to feed him the way she has been -- and when the tighty-whiteys cut off his circulation, he may decide to get out of them himself.

DEAR ABBY: I had what I thought was a good friend, "Meg." We were part of a larger group that was very close. When my husband left me, Meg disappeared from my life.

I carried on with career, family and friends, and I am now remarried. My new husband is charming, affluent and well-known in our community. Now Meg has suddenly reappeared and behaves like her absence over the last four years never happened. I am sure she wants to be a part of our inner circle because of my husband's success.

When I encounter her socially, I am always cordial. I have politely declined her overtures and invitations, but she doesn't seem to get the hint. What can I say to nip this in the bud? I don't want to be rude, nor do I want to keep making excuses. -- TIRED OF HYPOCRISY

DEAR TIRED OF HYPOCRISY: What's wrong with telling your fair-weather friend the truth? You don't have to be mean about it. Just say that when she disappeared from your life, you went on with yours, you understand that life can take people down different paths, and you wish her well on hers.