DEAR ABBY: After my wife had our sixth child, our love life fizzled out. But at age 80, we have suddenly discovered that we aren't THAT old!

How do we tactfully deflect kids and grandkids who enter without ringing the bell? I realize that lots of people would love to have this problem, but it's a problem all the same. -- BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN

DEAR BACK IN THE SADDLE: Your letter made me smile. I'm pleased to hear there's still plenty of "hi-ho" in the old Silver.

If you haven't told your children and grandchildren that you would prefer they not enter your home without ringing the bell, my first suggestion is to speak up now. If you have, and your request is being ignored, then I have two more suggestions.

The first is to put a chain or double lock on the doors to your house; the second is to hang a "Please Do Not Disturb, the Old Folks Are Napping" sign on your doors when you're feeling amorous. I'll bet you $20 that because of entrenched misconceptions about sexuality in the over-70 generation, none of your children or grandchildren will question it.

DEAR ABBY: Boy, do I need your opinion. My wife's youngest daughter has moved in with us, along with her three children: ages 3, 4 and 5. We are having a disagreement about allowing the kids up on the countertops.

My wife and her daughter think it's fine for them to pull a chair over and hop up on the counter. I have seen them on both sides of a stove full of pots filled with hot food. Because this has been allowed, the kids constantly crawl up to the cabinets to help themselves to treats and other things.

I have told them both countless times that this is the worst habit I have ever seen taught to children. I feel it's extremely dangerous and a bad idea. Please help me win this battle, or if you think it's fine, shut me up for good. -- GRANDPA DENNIS

DEAR GRANDPA DENNIS: I'm on your side. Allowing a child to climb up on a counter is inviting an accident -- and to allow a child to do so when the counter is adjacent to a hot stove is child endangerment.

Your wife and her daughter are being far too permissive. Children that young should ask for treats, not be allowed to forage. Rules have to be set and enforced. What is to stop those children from dragging a chair up to a bathroom medicine cabinet and helping themselves to the pills?

DEAR ABBY: I am a single, independent, educated 26-year-old female. I recently bought my first house and enjoy living alone. My problem is, whenever I run into someone I haven't seen in a while and they learn where I am living, often the first thing he or she asks is, "Oh, you got married?"

I find it offensive that people automatically assume that because I bought a house I am married. How do I deal with a question like that and not hurt feelings in the process? -- CONTENT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CONTENT: You deal with it by not becoming defensive. Keep your sense of humor. The next time you are asked if you got married, smile at the person and say, "Did you get an invitation to the wedding?" When the person tells you no, end the discussion by saying, "Well, then, I guess I'm not married!"

DEAR ABBY: I am 45 and currently going through a divorce. My soon-to-be ex-wife and I have a 14-year-old daughter, "Gina," and I have custody.

Fourteen years ago, when my wife became pregnant with Gina, we had talked about abortion. We even had an appointment scheduled, but on the day of the appointment we decided not to go through with it. I thank God that we did have our child.

Gina knows nothing about any of this, but my future ex has threatened to tell her. My daughter is mature for her age and intelligent, but I feel the time is not right for her to know. Given the situation, I feel she should hear it from me because of the close relationship we have.

Do you agree that the news should wait until the divorce is final and the dust settles, or should I tell her now? -- DADDY WHO CARES

DEAR DADDY: I see no reason your daughter should ever be told that she wasn't planned for and wanted. I cannot think of one single positive thing that being given such news -- by either you or your soon-to-be ex -- would accomplish.

Your wife may be so filled with anger that she is not in her right mind right now. And if she does pour that poison in your daughter's ear, the antidote is to tell Gina that you thank God for her every day and cannot imagine life without her.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a bit of a muddle. I have had a platonic friendship with "Greg" for four years. He is married, and I have a longtime boyfriend, "Randall."

About a year ago, Greg and I crossed the line into a romantic relationship. I guess you could call it an affair. Greg was unhappy with his marriage, and I was unsettled in my relationship. The affair ended six months ago, along with Greg and my friendship.

I felt so bad about the whole thing that I confessed and apologized to Randall, who (surprisingly) is still with me. He says he loves me. I realized that Randall is very dear to me, and I have no intention of ever repeating this kind of episode again.

As for Greg, I accept that our romantic relationship is over. But I feel sad that our friendship is over, too. He never told me I can't approach him or speak to him again. I don't know how to get our friendship back, if I even can. Can you provide any suggestions? -- MUDDLED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MUDDLED: You are taking a lot for granted. First you are assuming that Greg wants to renew the friendship. You are also assuming that his wife would ever want you in the picture again, and last, you're assuming that Randall would not feel threatened.

Because you have asked for suggestions, I'm happy to offer one: Move on.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I work as an administrative assistant for a company in Louisville. Each year we invite several "high-level" customers to attend the Kentucky Derby. We spare no expense on this event, paying for hotels, track tickets, food, drinks, limos, etc. for three full days.

Last year, my boss told me he was "disappointed" that I had not thought of sending thank-you notes to our guests after the event. He felt we should thank them for taking time away from their personal lives to visit us.

I say that after three days of running myself silly behind the scenes, the thank-you notes should come from them. Your opinion, please. -- WHO THANKS WHO IN KENTUCKY

DEAR WHO THANKS WHO: I understand your frustration because no one wants to be taken for granted, but you are confusing business etiquette with social etiquette. Your boss isn't entertaining those people because he likes them. He is doing it so they will return the favor by doing business with his company.

So please do what he says and start writing. A form letter, individually prepared for each client, should do the trick. Each one should be a signed original expressing the sentiments your boss would like to have conveyed.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Mary" for 18 months, and I was really starting to fall for her. Things were going well until three weeks ago, when she informed me that she has a serious gambling problem. She has maxed out her credit cards and has no money left in her savings. Until this point, Mary had given me the impression that she was someone I could trust and that she was in control of her life.

I am in total shock and very upset about the fact that she has misrepresented herself to me. She said she didn't want to lose me. She says that even though we're not married, every relationship has its ups and downs, and a piece of paper should not define commitment.

Some of my friends say I should never see her again as she is manipulative. Others say continuing the relationship depends on how I feel about her. While I can forgive her, I am having a problem with the issue of trust.

Abby, given the circumstances, do you feel this is someone I can trust? My gut tells me buyer beware. -- ON THE FENCE IN NEVADA

DEAR ON THE FENCE: Has Mary made any effort to seek help for her gambling problem? If the answer is no -- and I suspect it is -- then listen to your gut. Listen to your head. And if you have any doubt that they're leading you in the right direction, listen to what your lawyer and accountant have to say about the risk of pursuing this relationship further.

DEAR ABBY: Many friends approach me for advice. I want to help them. It's in my nature to be helpful. However, there are times when I'm out of advice and just want to close the door. How can I continue to help, but also close the door without putting someone off? -- ADVISER IN INDIANA

DEAR ADVISER: Recognize that a fountain of advice must occasionally shut down for servicing and preventive maintenance. In your case, what you're trying to prevent is burnout. A friend will understand if you say, "I'd love to help, but I'm fresh out of ideas today -- let's talk about something else."