DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman who is deeply smitten with a close friend I'll call "Andy." He often tells me about other women he's interested in. As his friend, I am more than happy to listen to his troubles and offer advice. At the same time, it's not always easy to hear about these women because of my feelings for him.

Do you think that once someone is in the "friend zone" it's possible to move beyond that? Or am I doomed to a lifetime of being "the friend"? -- WANTING MORE IN NEW YORK

DEAR WANTING MORE: You are not "doomed to a lifetime of being the friend" unless you aid and abet the "perp." Your problem is you are making yourself too available. It's time to start developing other interests and other relationships. What Andy needs is a chance to miss you. And if that doesn't happen, you will have already moved on.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter is 33 and living in another state. We haven't seen her in three years. Her life has been going steadily downhill since high school, her periods of employment are becoming shorter and less frequent. She calls more often than before because she needs money.

We have urged her to get therapy (we have no idea what her problems are) and have offered to pay for it.

My wife and I know we can't influence our daughter to change her life, but we agonize when we think about her wasted life. We have mourned loved ones who have died and have been able to move on, but every morning I think about my daughter, and my heart breaks a little more each time. Is there help for parents like us who need to let go? -- ANGUISHED DAD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DAD: My heart goes out to you. Yes, there is help, and it is the same kind of help you offered to your daughter. As much as you love her, until she is ready to accept that she needs professional help to get back on track there is nothing you or anyone can do.

Alcoholics Anonymous meetings close with something called the Serenity Prayer. It applies to many people in many situations, and it may bring some comfort to you. It reads: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Rick," and I own a small business with a partner, "Mike," who is in his late 40s and a confirmed bachelor. He constantly invites my husband out to dinner, ball games, drinks, etc. without ever including me. Rick always declines.

I think this is rude. Am I being overly sensitive? Do you think he's trying to show my husband what he's missing? -- IGNORED IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR IGNORED: I don't think you're being overly sensitive. Because this is happening repeatedly, the implications are insulting. If Mike had any degree of social sensitivity he would realize -- after many turn-downs -- that your husband prefers socializing with you to boys' nights out.

As to Mike possibly trying to show your husband what he's missing, I don't know. What IS he missing?

DEAR ABBY: My husband is threatening to leave and my 9-year-old daughter is distraught because I am embarrassed about our home and our cars. We live in an affluent suburb, but we're not one of the rich families. My daughter wants to invite friends from school over, but I'm mortified about their parents seeing our home or cars.

I know these things shouldn't matter. I love my husband, but he says I'm ruining our daughter's self-esteem and disrespecting him by being embarrassed by a life he works hard to provide. What's wrong with me, and how can I get past this? I don't want to lose my family. -- EMBARRASSED IN OHIO

DEAR EMBARRASSED: What makes a home warm and welcoming isn't whether it has been professionally decorated. Your problem isn't that you're ashamed of your house or cars. It's that you lack confidence in who you are. Your feelings stem less from what material things you lack than misplaced priorities.

When your daughter's friends visit, cookies in the oven, a welcoming smile and a willing ear if one of them needs a trusted adult in whom to confide will be more appreciated than whether your couch is new or there's a late-model car in the driveway. Many children from families who supposedly "have everything" are starved for plain old-fashioned personal attention.

I often recommend psychological counseling, but in your case, perhaps you would be better served by talking to a spiritual adviser about the difficulty you're having with appreciating how much you have for which to be thankful.

DEAR ABBY: I met "Greta" when I was in the Army Reserves. We fell in love, despite the fact that her parents disapproved of me. I come from a working-class background and Greta's family was considerably more well-off. We didn't care -- we wanted a future together.

Greta told me she had broken up with her former boyfriend because he was domineering. She assured me the relationship was over, and I believed her.

Shortly before I was discharged, Greta told me she was carrying my baby. I left for home with plans to send for her and marry her before our child was born. I lined up a job and a place to live. Several months later, Greta phoned to say she had had a baby girl. She said her parents had made her give our daughter up for adoption and asked me never to contact her again.

I honored her wishes, but I worried for years about Greta and our child. Eventually I married and had two daughters and a son. Five years ago, with the help of my children who are technologically savvy, we located my lost daughter, "Lily," and welcomed her into the family.

To cement our relationship, I had a paternity test performed recently and was shocked to learn I am NOT Lily's father. Greta still insists that I am, but DNA doesn't lie. Greta put my name on Lily's birth certificate. Lily blames herself for this mess, which is unfounded, and now says it's too painful to see me and my family again. I am so sorry for Lily and her children, who thought they were my grandchildren. What can we do? -- CRUSHED IN NEW YORK

DEAR CRUSHED: Write Lily and tell her that you were overjoyed when you found her, and that blood-related or not, you will always love her and her children. Perhaps if she reads it she will realize that in some cases we build families not just from DNA, but also from mutual need and caring. That's all you can do for now.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have attended several weddings lately where we have waited up to an hour and a half for the bride and groom to arrive at their own reception. Can you enlighten me because, frankly, I am ... ONE CONFUSED GUEST, LEWIS CENTER, OHIO

DEAR CONFUSED: Sometimes there is a delay between the wedding ceremony and the reception so the wedding party can be photographed. Rather than being confused, use your imagination. These days there could be many reasons for a delay -- the limo ran out of gas, someone's zipper stuck, the bride went into labor....

According to Emily Post: "Any delay longer than 30 to 45 minutes becomes excessive, unless (the) invitation included a starting time for the reception. ... If there is likely to be a considerable delay, be sure that guests will be served beverages and hors d'oeuvres while they await your arrival."

DEAR ABBY: I teach at a privately owned after-school center. Recently, my boss asked me if I had any friends who could teach an extra class one day a week. I have a friend, "Cheryl," who I know would be great for the job. She's very smart and has past teaching experience.

I told my boss I would introduce her to Cheryl. What I didn't mention is that Cheryl is transgender. She was not born a biological female. I don't feel it is my place to disclose that to my boss. However, I was shocked when Cheryl said she wouldn't tell, either.

I understand my friend's desire to be recognized as a woman. But I feel that I would be deceiving my boss if neither of us told her. I'm not entirely sure whether my boss, the other teachers and the children's parents would approve of Cheryl. I don't want to be blamed for not being truthful. If Cheryl doesn't reveal that she's transgender, should I? -- NERVOUS IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NERVOUS: Please do not allow yourself to be distracted by your friend's gender status. The question isn't whether Cheryl was born a woman. It's whether she can be a competent teacher. When all is said and done, what's going on between her ears is far more important than what's under her skirt. Jobs working with children require background checks. It's not your responsibility to be the town crier.

DEAR ABBY: I have received an invitation to a graduation party and a note was enclosed. It read:

"If I don't hear from you by the 25th, I will not be able to include you. This invitation is for those addressed, and no one else. Seating is limited. Please do not ask for 'to go' containers, as all the food will be going home with us. This is a very special day for 'Mary' and a lot of planning has gone into it. There may be people you would rather not see or talk to, but please remember it is about 'Mary' that day and no one else. If any of this makes you uncomfortable, please do not feel it necessary to attend."

What do you think of this, Abby? -- STUNNED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR STUNNED: It appears this family has many members who are clueless about basic good manners -- and that includes the person who sent the invitation. Obviously, these people have been taken advantage of in the past and are trying to prevent it from happening again. Because you have it in writing that if "any of this" makes you uncomfortable you are free not to attend, I think you should take the person at his or her word and stay home.