life

Parents Clash Over Blasting Teen Out of Bed in Morning

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 23rd, 2009 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old stepson has problems getting up for school on time. My wife and I are split on what we should do about it.

I maintain that he's old enough to be responsible for getting himself up for school and should suffer the consequences if he's late. She thinks I should get him up. She works the late shift, which means I have to call him several times before he actually gets up. What do you think? -- STEPDAD IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR STEPDAD: If your stepson is having trouble prying himself out of bed in the mornings, it may be that he's not getting enough sleep and should go to bed earlier. And your wife needs to consider what will happen to him when you are no longer around to extract her son from between the sheets. That's why it's important to start training him NOW.

Buy a clock with a loud, annoying alarm, which should be placed in the farthest corner of his room from the bed, which will force him to get up in order to turn the darned thing off.

life

Dear Abby for May 23, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 23rd, 2009 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Last summer, I cringed when I saw a neighbor cutting his lawn with a push mower and allowing his 3-year-old son to walk behind the mower to "help" him push. All the while, the mother stood nearby, smiling at the "father-and-son moment."

A few days later, I saw an 8-year-old boy cutting his lawn with a riding mower, with no adult in sight.

Abby, please remind parents that a lawn mower is a powerful, potentially dangerous machine. According to a study published in a children's medical journal, more than 9,000 children are injured by lawn mowers each year. Not only is there the obvious danger of the mower blades, children can also suffer severe burns from touching hot mower parts. In addition, projectiles can fly backward and cut or blind a child should a mower strike an object.

When the lawn mower is operating, the proper place for children is inside the house. -- CONCERNED NEIGHBOR, DUNWOODY, GA.

DEAR NEIGHBOR: Thank you for the timely reminder. Sometimes the most innocent of actions can have unintended consequences. Spring has sprung, bringing with it all the joys --and chores -- of the "growing" season. When a lawn mower is running, children -- and pets -- should not be in the vicinity.

life

Dear Abby for May 23, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 23rd, 2009 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: With the passing of our parents, as well as childless aunts and uncles, my husband and I have accumulated many special items such as an old family Bible, military memorabilia, photos of pets, etc.

Our departed dear ones are missed and loved, but we don't know what to do with a lot of these things. It feels disrespectful not to keep them. Have you any suggestions on how we can relieve the clutter as well as the guilt -- and feel OK about it? -- CLUTTERED BUT CARING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR CLUTTERED BUT CARING: Although you have been blessed to be the repository of so many family keepsakes, sometimes an overabundance of "things" can become a burden. When that happens, it's time to take stock and share some of the items with others who can appreciate them.

The Bible and photos should be offered to your state historical society. The military memorabilia could prove to be valuable if you have it appraised by someone who deals in it. The rest could be placed for sale in a consignment store or thrift shop.

Please don't feel guilty about it. It's actually an act of generosity.

life

Mom Refuses to Stop Driving Despite History of Seizures

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 22nd, 2009 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My mother is 66 and has had two major epileptic seizures. The incidents occurred in the middle of the night, and each time she was unconscious for a long time (45 minutes or more) and was taken to the emergency room by ambulance. She also has "minor" seizures that last only 30 to 60 seconds. I have seen them.

Her doctor has told her not to drive and that it's against the law in our state for her to drive until she has been seizure-free for six months. The problem is, Mom and her husband believe she can drive safely. She even bought a new car so she can get "better gas mileage."

I have offered to take Mom to doctors and other appointments, etc. She allows me to, but still drives herself to the grocery store and hairdresser and other places because they are "close by." (Not!)

Abby, I lost a brother in a car accident. I don't want to lose my mother in one, too. I'm also afraid for the safety of pedestrians and other drivers in her path. What can I do or say to get Mom to follow the doctor's orders? -- WORRIED IN THE WEST

DEAR WORRIED: Nothing. Because your mother refuses to use common sense or listen to reason, accept that talking to her is like talking to a wall.

A person doesn't have to have a major seizure to cause an accident. A blackout lasting a few seconds can cause a driver to lose control of a vehicle.

If your mother's physician isn't aware that she hasn't been complying with his or her instructions, let the doctor know. Write a letter explaining that you have seen her having minor seizures and that she's still driving. Urge him (or her) to notify the Department of Motor Vehicles, and you should do the same. The more time that goes by without this being dealt with, the greater the chances your mother could kill herself or kill or maim an innocent person who happens to cross her path at the wrong time.

life

Dear Abby for May 22, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 22nd, 2009 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 years old and aware of what is going on in the world around me. My parents have owned a successful company for years, but with the economy in its current state, our family is having a tough time. We live a luxurious life and I am very blessed, but we have begun to give things up. I am fine with that.

My parents have changed. If I ask how things are, they get mad at me. If I tell them I don't need something, such as a present for my birthday, they ask me why and I tell them, "I know we don't have money to spend right now." Then they say, "We have money, but it's in the bank and is only for emergencies such as an illness."

How can I convince my parents that it is OK to tell me what is going on, and that we should go through it as a family? -- TEEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TEEN: It is the instinct of every parent to protect his or her child. That may be what your parents are trying to do when you raise the sensitive subjects of "how things are" and birthday gifts. What they may not realize is that you are no longer a child, and the questions and statements you are making are a reflection of your anxiety.

As stressful as the current economic environment may be, fear of the unknown can be even worse. By telling you they are not out of funds but being careful about how they will be spent, your parents have already taken the first step in letting you know what's going on, but now they need to fill in more of the blanks. Please tell them that that's what I suggest.

life

Tourists' National Naivete Is Cause for Embarrassment

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 21st, 2009

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Cheri-Ann in Honolulu" (Feb. 21), who wanted to remind your readers that Hawaii is indeed one of the 50 states, reflects the lack of reasonable preparation on the part of tourists.

My son lives in Hawaii and over the years we have visited him many times. The questions I have heard travelers ask flight attendants as they deplane in Honolulu run the gamut: "Where do I go to change money?" "Which side of the road do 'they' drive on?" "Is it safe here when it rains?" or "Is English widely spoken?" I think I've heard them all. -- ALOHA FROM ALICE IN BERKELEY

DEAR ALICE: Some of the letters I received in response to Cheri-Ann's were surprising -- and amusing. I hope she will take comfort in knowing that Hawaii isn't the only state that has been "overlooked." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am from Oregon and when I would go to visit family on the East Coast, some people did not know where my state is located. When I told them it was right above California, more than a few would then exclaim, "Oh, you're from Canada!" -- DIANE IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I spent our honeymoon in Alaska. A girl on our cruise ship asked where we were from. When I replied, "Vermont," she asked what state it was in, "Maine or Massachusetts?" in answer to which I politely pointed out that Vermont is the nation's 14th state. -- ERIC IN RUTLAND, VT.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago I married a Navy man. We moved from our home state to Virginia, and I was asked where I was from. I replied, "New York." I was then asked, "What's it like to live in such a big city?" "No," I responded, "I live in upstate New York. I've never been to the city." Then I was asked, "What is 'upstate'?" and had to explain that upstate means in the middle area of New York STATE, only to hear, "There's a state called New York?!" -- SANDY IN ITALY (THE COUNTRY)

DEAR ABBY: When people hear I'm from Kentucky's Appalachia region, they automatically ask if my boyfriend is also my cousin, if possum is my favorite dish and if I've ever heard of the Internet. Stereotypes still exist. Both Hawaiians and Appalachians have a long way to go before we will be accepted, in the eyes of some people, as "Americans." -- KENTUCKY NATIVE

DEAR ABBY: I work for the tourism department in New Mexico and want Cheri-Ann to know she is not alone. We frequently have to respond to questions like, "Do I need a passport or visa to visit?" or, "Can I drink the water?" We even received a letter from a wedding magazine requesting information regarding our "traditional" customs for marriage so they could run an article on our "country." And yes, you CAN drink the water here. -- MAX FROM THE STATE OF NEW MEXICO

DEAR ABBY: I once had to ask a bank teller here in Florida how much it would cost to wire money from my account to a bank in Minnesota. She said, "Minnesota? Is that in the United States?" The sad thing is this woman actually handled money and accounts. No wonder our banks have to be bailed out. -- JUDY IN NEW SMYRNA BEACH, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: People have asked me where I'm from. When I respond, "I'm from Delaware," I am then asked, "Is that a state?" To which I casually respond, "Yes. The first one." Maybe having a vice president from Delaware will finally "put us on the map." -- FIRST STATE NATIVE

DEAR NATIVE: And having a president from Hawaii may help, too.

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