DEAR ABBY: My mother is 66 and has had two major epileptic seizures. The incidents occurred in the middle of the night, and each time she was unconscious for a long time (45 minutes or more) and was taken to the emergency room by ambulance. She also has "minor" seizures that last only 30 to 60 seconds. I have seen them.

Her doctor has told her not to drive and that it's against the law in our state for her to drive until she has been seizure-free for six months. The problem is, Mom and her husband believe she can drive safely. She even bought a new car so she can get "better gas mileage."

I have offered to take Mom to doctors and other appointments, etc. She allows me to, but still drives herself to the grocery store and hairdresser and other places because they are "close by." (Not!)

Abby, I lost a brother in a car accident. I don't want to lose my mother in one, too. I'm also afraid for the safety of pedestrians and other drivers in her path. What can I do or say to get Mom to follow the doctor's orders? -- WORRIED IN THE WEST

DEAR WORRIED: Nothing. Because your mother refuses to use common sense or listen to reason, accept that talking to her is like talking to a wall.

A person doesn't have to have a major seizure to cause an accident. A blackout lasting a few seconds can cause a driver to lose control of a vehicle.

If your mother's physician isn't aware that she hasn't been complying with his or her instructions, let the doctor know. Write a letter explaining that you have seen her having minor seizures and that she's still driving. Urge him (or her) to notify the Department of Motor Vehicles, and you should do the same. The more time that goes by without this being dealt with, the greater the chances your mother could kill herself or kill or maim an innocent person who happens to cross her path at the wrong time.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 years old and aware of what is going on in the world around me. My parents have owned a successful company for years, but with the economy in its current state, our family is having a tough time. We live a luxurious life and I am very blessed, but we have begun to give things up. I am fine with that.

My parents have changed. If I ask how things are, they get mad at me. If I tell them I don't need something, such as a present for my birthday, they ask me why and I tell them, "I know we don't have money to spend right now." Then they say, "We have money, but it's in the bank and is only for emergencies such as an illness."

How can I convince my parents that it is OK to tell me what is going on, and that we should go through it as a family? -- TEEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TEEN: It is the instinct of every parent to protect his or her child. That may be what your parents are trying to do when you raise the sensitive subjects of "how things are" and birthday gifts. What they may not realize is that you are no longer a child, and the questions and statements you are making are a reflection of your anxiety.

As stressful as the current economic environment may be, fear of the unknown can be even worse. By telling you they are not out of funds but being careful about how they will be spent, your parents have already taken the first step in letting you know what's going on, but now they need to fill in more of the blanks. Please tell them that that's what I suggest.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Cheri-Ann in Honolulu" (Feb. 21), who wanted to remind your readers that Hawaii is indeed one of the 50 states, reflects the lack of reasonable preparation on the part of tourists.

My son lives in Hawaii and over the years we have visited him many times. The questions I have heard travelers ask flight attendants as they deplane in Honolulu run the gamut: "Where do I go to change money?" "Which side of the road do 'they' drive on?" "Is it safe here when it rains?" or "Is English widely spoken?" I think I've heard them all. -- ALOHA FROM ALICE IN BERKELEY

DEAR ALICE: Some of the letters I received in response to Cheri-Ann's were surprising -- and amusing. I hope she will take comfort in knowing that Hawaii isn't the only state that has been "overlooked." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am from Oregon and when I would go to visit family on the East Coast, some people did not know where my state is located. When I told them it was right above California, more than a few would then exclaim, "Oh, you're from Canada!" -- DIANE IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I spent our honeymoon in Alaska. A girl on our cruise ship asked where we were from. When I replied, "Vermont," she asked what state it was in, "Maine or Massachusetts?" in answer to which I politely pointed out that Vermont is the nation's 14th state. -- ERIC IN RUTLAND, VT.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago I married a Navy man. We moved from our home state to Virginia, and I was asked where I was from. I replied, "New York." I was then asked, "What's it like to live in such a big city?" "No," I responded, "I live in upstate New York. I've never been to the city." Then I was asked, "What is 'upstate'?" and had to explain that upstate means in the middle area of New York STATE, only to hear, "There's a state called New York?!" -- SANDY IN ITALY (THE COUNTRY)

DEAR ABBY: When people hear I'm from Kentucky's Appalachia region, they automatically ask if my boyfriend is also my cousin, if possum is my favorite dish and if I've ever heard of the Internet. Stereotypes still exist. Both Hawaiians and Appalachians have a long way to go before we will be accepted, in the eyes of some people, as "Americans." -- KENTUCKY NATIVE

DEAR ABBY: I work for the tourism department in New Mexico and want Cheri-Ann to know she is not alone. We frequently have to respond to questions like, "Do I need a passport or visa to visit?" or, "Can I drink the water?" We even received a letter from a wedding magazine requesting information regarding our "traditional" customs for marriage so they could run an article on our "country." And yes, you CAN drink the water here. -- MAX FROM THE STATE OF NEW MEXICO

DEAR ABBY: I once had to ask a bank teller here in Florida how much it would cost to wire money from my account to a bank in Minnesota. She said, "Minnesota? Is that in the United States?" The sad thing is this woman actually handled money and accounts. No wonder our banks have to be bailed out. -- JUDY IN NEW SMYRNA BEACH, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: People have asked me where I'm from. When I respond, "I'm from Delaware," I am then asked, "Is that a state?" To which I casually respond, "Yes. The first one." Maybe having a vice president from Delaware will finally "put us on the map." -- FIRST STATE NATIVE

DEAR NATIVE: And having a president from Hawaii may help, too.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother is a wonderful person but is one of the world's worst cooks. She'll see a recipe that looks tasty, but if she doesn't have all the ingredients, she will make substitutions. If the recipe calls for uncooked shrimp, she might replace it with canned tuna. If she doesn't have bleu cheese on hand, she will use imitation cheese spread instead.

I have tried to offer her a few important guidelines. First and foremost, be sure to have all the necessary ingredients on hand before beginning to prepare a new recipe. Understand the basic techniques -- dice, shred, simmer, stir-fry. Use the recommended cooking temperatures. If the recipe says "saute," do not fry it until it's like shoe leather. Follow the proper cooking time. Fish should not be baked for 90 minutes!

Mom may not appreciate the suggestion of cooking classes, and I know about your cookbooklets. I wonder if they are simple enough for Mom to follow. What do you think? -- DYSPEPSIA IN DENVER

DEAR DYSPEPSIA: My recipes are -- for the most part -- very simple, easy to read and, frankly, delicious. They were collected by two of the most voracious eaters in recent history -- my mother and me.

Allow me to share a simple salad recipe with you. Perhaps you and your mother will enjoy making it together. It is chilled and ideal for a warm summer evening.

ABBY'S TOMATO SALAD

12 medium tomatoes, diced (about 8 cups)

2 large red onions, diced (about 3 cups)

1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon finely chopped sweet pickles

1 cup rice vinegar

10 to 12 lettuce leaves

In a large bowl, combine the first four ingredients. Cover and chill several hours or overnight. Using a slotted spoon, portion salad on individual lettuce leaves, allowing 3/4 to 1 cup per serving for a first-course salad.

Serves 10 to 12.

My cookbooklet set contains more than 100 recipes that can be used when families get together to celebrate holidays and other special occasions. My mother often used them when she entertained and so have I. They are time-tested and not complicated.

The booklets can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

My cookbooklet set not only contains recipes, but also tips on entertaining. Have your mother try the tomato salad recipe. If she can't make this one work, then from now on she might be better off buying takeout.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "SCREWED UP AGAIN" IN ATLANTA: Please stop being so hard on yourself. I know of no successful person who hasn't struck out at least once in his or her life. In the words of Vince Lombardi: "Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts."