DEAR ABBY: My father is 83. My mother has been dead for more than 30 years. Since then, Dad has been involved with many women. But since he turned 70, he has become involved with men, which he says he finds very rewarding and much less complicated.

Dad and I always had an open and honest relationship. We have a lot of homosexual family members and friends. At the same time, I'm shocked that the fact he is gay has been so difficult for me to accept. Have you any suggestions on how I might better deal with this? -- CARING SON IN MIAMI

DEAR CARING SON: Your father appears to be bisexual, which means he is attracted to both men and women. Whereas he may not have wanted to admit to himself or to you years ago that he had feelings for people of the same sex, it is no longer shocking to be open about it. Times have changed. Today a person's sexual orientation is no longer considered something to be kept hidden.

One constructive way to "deal with it" would be to realize how fortunate you are to have the kind of relationship you have always had with your dad. Be supportive, don't judge and love him for the parent he has always been.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an office manager, bookkeeper and the receptionist. What I am NOT is a maid. I have lost count of the number of times I have walked into the break room to have my lunch or get a quick cup of tea and found spilled coffee/sugar/creamer all over the counter. I clean it up when I find it because I don't like using a dirty counter, but I don't feel I should have to because I didn't make the mess.

I have considered sending out an e-mail to the office staff about cleaning up after themselves, but the issue turns my crank enough that I'm having trouble being polite about it. Every e-mail I draft makes me sound like a nagging mother, and I know when my mom nagged me it certainly never worked -- it just annoyed me.

Have you any suggestions about what I can say that will get results without offending? -- LAURA IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR LAURA: Forgo the e-mail. Post a sign in the break room, and here's what it should say: "The maid has retired. You're on your own. If you spill something, please make sure this counter is wiped clean or I will strike you dead with a bolt of lightning," and sign it, "God."

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I are eating out, before we leave I will take home a small creamer packet for my afternoon tea. My husband says this amounts to stealing, and he finds it embarrassing. I feel that because he doesn't use cream in his coffee, I am only taking "his" cream home for my use.

I know this may seem trivial, but what say you? -- SPRINGFIELD, ILL., READER

DEAR SPRINGFIELD: The sweetener, creamer and condiments on a restaurant table are supposed to be used while in the restaurant. However, you can settle this disagreement by simply asking your server before you leave if there would be any objection to your taking a packet of creamer with you to use later. I'm positive the answer will be no -- as long as you're not taking the entire supply.

DEAR ABBY: It's traditional in my family to celebrate birthdays with other family members. This may seem trivial, but I have an issue with the cake. Ever since I was a child, my mom has made a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting for my birthday. The problem is, I don't like chocolate!

I have told this to Mom since I was a kid, but my comments seem to have been forgotten by the time the next birthday rolls around. Now that I'm older, I'm wondering if it's better to be gracious about it and just let it go. I never eat any of it and haven't in more than a decade, but nobody seems to notice.

I find it somewhat annoying to be served a birthday cake I don't even like. I try to put in perspective that it's a gift and I should be gracious for receiving it -- but it gets old. Any suggestions? -- VANILLA FELLA, COLUMBIA, MO.

DEAR VANILLA FELLA: You appear to be the odd man out in a family of chocoholics. Next year, tell your mother not to "bother" baking because YOU'RE bringing the cake.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old guy who has hit a road bump in life. My parents divorced when I was 12 and are still fighting. I get involved in their fights because I feel I have to, but it stresses me out.

I live full-time with Mom because Dad and I fight too much. Mom and I are also at odds nonstop. She has had several different boyfriends since the divorce. Three of them have moved into our house.

Mom and I have different opinions about her present boyfriend, who she calls her "fiance." He's the biggest reason we fight. Mom has told me her kids come first and if I really don't like him she'll ask him to leave, but I don't want her to do it if she's truly happy with him.

What should I do? Mom deserves to be happy, but I don't think this man is best for her. Please help. -- COLORADO TEEN

DEAR TEEN: Something is wrong when a person's front door becomes a revolving door, and whether this "engagement" will last is debatable. Your mother appears to be desperate for a companion, and someone who has put her happiness above common sense or responsibility to her children. You should never have been placed in the position of feeling you "have" to be involved in your parents' dysfunctional relationship -- and the fact that you are stressed is understandable.

If there is counseling available through your school, I am urging you to talk to a teacher, counselor or the principal and ask for some. It is important for your future that you keep your grades up without the kinds of distractions you're experiencing. Believe me, you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper thing to do when one sits on a squeaky seat and the seat makes a noise like someone has passed gas? My first instinct is not to call attention to it. Then again, as they say, "Silence implies guilt." My second impulse is to make light of it, but I'm afraid in certain formal situations it would paint me as immature. Your advice? -- IT WASN'T ME IN WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR WASN'T ME: In formal situations, everyone should pretend it never happened and the conversation should proceed as it normally would. However, in casual company it is acceptable to say, "That was the seat, not the seat that is on it."

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my friend and neighbor, "Jill," told me how much she enjoyed an online mothers group she participated in, so I joined. Last week, Jill announced on the Web site that she's pregnant with her second child. I congratulated her online, then congratulated her husband in person when I ran into him in the neighborhood later that day. He was flabbergasted. Apparently, Jill hadn't told him about the baby!

Jill is now furious with me because I "spoiled her surprise" by revealing something that was supposed to be a secret. How could I have possibly known her pregnancy was secret? She posted it on the Internet! Jill claims any information exchanged in the online community should be confidential as it is never mentioned in the "real world." I think she should have told her husband before telling her online friends.

How was I supposed to know this "rule" about privacy when it's never discussed? And how do I fix our friendship? I don't think I did anything wrong. Jill thinks I hurt her on purpose. -- ONLINE MOMMY IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR ONLINE MOMMY: An online chat group is not a 12-step meeting where members guard their anonymity as girls do their chastity. Unless a privacy warning was clearly posted on the site, there is no way you -- or anyone else -- could have known that the discussions were confidential. One apology should be enough. Jill's feelings of persecution may be hormonal and connected to her pregnancy -- so try not to take this too personally.

DEAR ABBY: My colleague, "Allison," is a nice person, but she's also a major hypochondriac. Every day she complains about her latest ailment -- or a family member's -- and the intensive treatment it requires. Headaches, bathroom issues, rashes, aches, sinusitis, strange diseases, you name it. Still, she rarely exhibits any obvious symptoms and almost never misses an entire day of work.

Many of our co-workers pamper her and give her the attention she obviously wants. Because I tend to downplay her ailments I am considered insensitive and cruel. I am frustrated because I simply no longer care to listen to her made-up maladies. She also tries to convince everyone else in the office that their minor sniffles, fatigue and pulled muscles are symptoms of serious ailments.

Ironically, we are health-care workers, and talking about health issues is part of our job. I'm sick and tired of Allison the Hypochondriac. Have you any ideas on how to handle this woman? -- HEARD IT ALL IN N.Y.

DEAR HEARD IT ALL: Allison does have an illness, but it is not of a physical nature. Until the poor woman is ready to accept and deal with it -- or your supervisor or human resources person is ready to urge her to -- there is nothing you can do to "fix" her. Because her constant complaints are stressing you out, my advice is to move out of earshot as soon as she starts another chorus of her daily "organ recital."

DEAR ABBY: Can you tell me the proper way to place your knife and fork after you finish eating? I was taught to turn my fork over at the 4 o'clock position and the knife just to the left of the fork. I fold my napkin and place it to the left when dinner has been completed.

Am I old-fashioned? -- GERRY IN SUGAR LAND, TEXAS

DEAR GERRY: No. You're practicing proper table etiquette. According to "Emily Post's Etiquette," at the end of the course the knife and fork should be "laid diagonally across the plate" in the position you have described, and "the knife blade faces inward, but the fork tines can be either up or down."

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