DEAR ABBY: It's traditional in my family to celebrate birthdays with other family members. This may seem trivial, but I have an issue with the cake. Ever since I was a child, my mom has made a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting for my birthday. The problem is, I don't like chocolate!

I have told this to Mom since I was a kid, but my comments seem to have been forgotten by the time the next birthday rolls around. Now that I'm older, I'm wondering if it's better to be gracious about it and just let it go. I never eat any of it and haven't in more than a decade, but nobody seems to notice.

I find it somewhat annoying to be served a birthday cake I don't even like. I try to put in perspective that it's a gift and I should be gracious for receiving it -- but it gets old. Any suggestions? -- VANILLA FELLA, COLUMBIA, MO.

DEAR VANILLA FELLA: You appear to be the odd man out in a family of chocoholics. Next year, tell your mother not to "bother" baking because YOU'RE bringing the cake.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old guy who has hit a road bump in life. My parents divorced when I was 12 and are still fighting. I get involved in their fights because I feel I have to, but it stresses me out.

I live full-time with Mom because Dad and I fight too much. Mom and I are also at odds nonstop. She has had several different boyfriends since the divorce. Three of them have moved into our house.

Mom and I have different opinions about her present boyfriend, who she calls her "fiance." He's the biggest reason we fight. Mom has told me her kids come first and if I really don't like him she'll ask him to leave, but I don't want her to do it if she's truly happy with him.

What should I do? Mom deserves to be happy, but I don't think this man is best for her. Please help. -- COLORADO TEEN

DEAR TEEN: Something is wrong when a person's front door becomes a revolving door, and whether this "engagement" will last is debatable. Your mother appears to be desperate for a companion, and someone who has put her happiness above common sense or responsibility to her children. You should never have been placed in the position of feeling you "have" to be involved in your parents' dysfunctional relationship -- and the fact that you are stressed is understandable.

If there is counseling available through your school, I am urging you to talk to a teacher, counselor or the principal and ask for some. It is important for your future that you keep your grades up without the kinds of distractions you're experiencing. Believe me, you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper thing to do when one sits on a squeaky seat and the seat makes a noise like someone has passed gas? My first instinct is not to call attention to it. Then again, as they say, "Silence implies guilt." My second impulse is to make light of it, but I'm afraid in certain formal situations it would paint me as immature. Your advice? -- IT WASN'T ME IN WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR WASN'T ME: In formal situations, everyone should pretend it never happened and the conversation should proceed as it normally would. However, in casual company it is acceptable to say, "That was the seat, not the seat that is on it."

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my friend and neighbor, "Jill," told me how much she enjoyed an online mothers group she participated in, so I joined. Last week, Jill announced on the Web site that she's pregnant with her second child. I congratulated her online, then congratulated her husband in person when I ran into him in the neighborhood later that day. He was flabbergasted. Apparently, Jill hadn't told him about the baby!

Jill is now furious with me because I "spoiled her surprise" by revealing something that was supposed to be a secret. How could I have possibly known her pregnancy was secret? She posted it on the Internet! Jill claims any information exchanged in the online community should be confidential as it is never mentioned in the "real world." I think she should have told her husband before telling her online friends.

How was I supposed to know this "rule" about privacy when it's never discussed? And how do I fix our friendship? I don't think I did anything wrong. Jill thinks I hurt her on purpose. -- ONLINE MOMMY IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR ONLINE MOMMY: An online chat group is not a 12-step meeting where members guard their anonymity as girls do their chastity. Unless a privacy warning was clearly posted on the site, there is no way you -- or anyone else -- could have known that the discussions were confidential. One apology should be enough. Jill's feelings of persecution may be hormonal and connected to her pregnancy -- so try not to take this too personally.

DEAR ABBY: My colleague, "Allison," is a nice person, but she's also a major hypochondriac. Every day she complains about her latest ailment -- or a family member's -- and the intensive treatment it requires. Headaches, bathroom issues, rashes, aches, sinusitis, strange diseases, you name it. Still, she rarely exhibits any obvious symptoms and almost never misses an entire day of work.

Many of our co-workers pamper her and give her the attention she obviously wants. Because I tend to downplay her ailments I am considered insensitive and cruel. I am frustrated because I simply no longer care to listen to her made-up maladies. She also tries to convince everyone else in the office that their minor sniffles, fatigue and pulled muscles are symptoms of serious ailments.

Ironically, we are health-care workers, and talking about health issues is part of our job. I'm sick and tired of Allison the Hypochondriac. Have you any ideas on how to handle this woman? -- HEARD IT ALL IN N.Y.

DEAR HEARD IT ALL: Allison does have an illness, but it is not of a physical nature. Until the poor woman is ready to accept and deal with it -- or your supervisor or human resources person is ready to urge her to -- there is nothing you can do to "fix" her. Because her constant complaints are stressing you out, my advice is to move out of earshot as soon as she starts another chorus of her daily "organ recital."

DEAR ABBY: Can you tell me the proper way to place your knife and fork after you finish eating? I was taught to turn my fork over at the 4 o'clock position and the knife just to the left of the fork. I fold my napkin and place it to the left when dinner has been completed.

Am I old-fashioned? -- GERRY IN SUGAR LAND, TEXAS

DEAR GERRY: No. You're practicing proper table etiquette. According to "Emily Post's Etiquette," at the end of the course the knife and fork should be "laid diagonally across the plate" in the position you have described, and "the knife blade faces inward, but the fork tines can be either up or down."

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DEAR ABBY: I am 12 and in seventh grade. I have the highest GPA of my six close friends. Sometimes they call me "Freaky Genius Girl." When I make jokes, none of my friends comprehend what I'm saying.

Right now I am tutoring three of them and often get calls from the others asking me how to do the homework. I like my friends, but I wish I had someone other than my mother to have an intellectual conversation with. Should I find new pals or tone down my abilities when I'm with them? -- TOO SMART FOR FRIENDS?

DEAR TOO SMART?: Rather than try to "dumb yourself down" with your classmates, ask your mother to help you find a special interest group where you can interact with other girls and boys who are also intellectually advanced. Many school districts offer special classes for gifted students. In addition, explore activities where you can simply let yourself go and have some fun -- like sports, music, drama or art. You're a bright girl and you deserve some time to simply be carefree.

DEAR ABBY: I always dreamed of having a formal black-and-white wedding. I have four bridesmaids who have very different shapes and sizes. It wasn't easy choosing a dress that would fit them all. I thought I was being fair by choosing the skirt length and letting them select from a few different styles of tops.

One of the girls is now telling me she refuses to wear what I selected. She says it is "ridiculous" to make her wear it, and it will make her look stupid. (They are normal-looking dresses, Abby, not outdated or too trendy.)

She has e-mailed me several pictures of dresses she likes, but I don't care for them. Am I being a Bridezilla, or does she need to learn some wedding etiquette? Should I stand my ground -- after all, it is my day -- and risk losing a friendship? -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: You would not be a Bridezilla to remind this young woman whose wedding it is. And when you do, tell her you do not want her to be uncomfortable and you will "understand" if she wishes to back out. Believe me, the last thing you need is for her to be pouting when the pictures are taken on your wedding day.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law bought me a pair of shoes while we were out shopping one afternoon. The boutique was pricey, but she insisted I get them. The next day I got a phone call from her saying she had "borrowing rights" because they cost more than she had expected. I was shocked about the price, too.

Now I'm embarrassed and wonder if I should reimburse her for half the cost, which I'm willing to do. What should I do? -- STEPPING OUT IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR STEPPING OUT: Your mother-in-law bought WHOM a pair of shoes? Unless her feet are the same size or smaller than yours, I do not recommend sharing them. Once you do they will be stretched and will no longer fit you properly.

Because she has let you know she covets the shoes, consider giving them to her. Alternatively, if they have never been worn, consider returning them to the shop where they were purchased. That way your impulsive M.I.L. can get her money back or a store credit.