DEAR ABBY: I am 12 and in seventh grade. I have the highest GPA of my six close friends. Sometimes they call me "Freaky Genius Girl." When I make jokes, none of my friends comprehend what I'm saying.

Right now I am tutoring three of them and often get calls from the others asking me how to do the homework. I like my friends, but I wish I had someone other than my mother to have an intellectual conversation with. Should I find new pals or tone down my abilities when I'm with them? -- TOO SMART FOR FRIENDS?

DEAR TOO SMART?: Rather than try to "dumb yourself down" with your classmates, ask your mother to help you find a special interest group where you can interact with other girls and boys who are also intellectually advanced. Many school districts offer special classes for gifted students. In addition, explore activities where you can simply let yourself go and have some fun -- like sports, music, drama or art. You're a bright girl and you deserve some time to simply be carefree.

DEAR ABBY: I always dreamed of having a formal black-and-white wedding. I have four bridesmaids who have very different shapes and sizes. It wasn't easy choosing a dress that would fit them all. I thought I was being fair by choosing the skirt length and letting them select from a few different styles of tops.

One of the girls is now telling me she refuses to wear what I selected. She says it is "ridiculous" to make her wear it, and it will make her look stupid. (They are normal-looking dresses, Abby, not outdated or too trendy.)

She has e-mailed me several pictures of dresses she likes, but I don't care for them. Am I being a Bridezilla, or does she need to learn some wedding etiquette? Should I stand my ground -- after all, it is my day -- and risk losing a friendship? -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: You would not be a Bridezilla to remind this young woman whose wedding it is. And when you do, tell her you do not want her to be uncomfortable and you will "understand" if she wishes to back out. Believe me, the last thing you need is for her to be pouting when the pictures are taken on your wedding day.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law bought me a pair of shoes while we were out shopping one afternoon. The boutique was pricey, but she insisted I get them. The next day I got a phone call from her saying she had "borrowing rights" because they cost more than she had expected. I was shocked about the price, too.

Now I'm embarrassed and wonder if I should reimburse her for half the cost, which I'm willing to do. What should I do? -- STEPPING OUT IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR STEPPING OUT: Your mother-in-law bought WHOM a pair of shoes? Unless her feet are the same size or smaller than yours, I do not recommend sharing them. Once you do they will be stretched and will no longer fit you properly.

Because she has let you know she covets the shoes, consider giving them to her. Alternatively, if they have never been worn, consider returning them to the shop where they were purchased. That way your impulsive M.I.L. can get her money back or a store credit.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 21-year-old woman who just moved back home after two years of living and learning on my own. My family has been wonderful to accept me back into their home until I finish my studies in a few months, after which I assume I'll be getting a job and my own place.

I have an amazing boyfriend, "Jordan," with whom I would love to spend some nights. I'm afraid if I do I would be disrespecting my parents' wishes -- my father is a preacher -- but at the same time I feel restricted because I got used to being on my own and doing what I wanted.

I know a few months doesn't sound like a long time, but what if I can't get a job right away and have to stay here longer? Jordan and I aren't ready to move in together, but we'd like some overnight visits. What do you think? -- GROWN-UP GIRL IN KENTUCKY

DEAR GROWN-UP GIRL: Have your parents met Jordan? Do they like him? If they have and they do, it would make things easier on you. You should definitely respect your father's position and sensitivities. A more acceptable compromise than spending "nights out" might be for you and Jordan to arrange some weekend getaways together. Of this I am certain: Young love will find a way.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man who, for 46 years, has been celebrating my birthday on Aug. 31. I recently took a trip to Northern California to visit my older sister. While we were talking about our birthdays and our late parents, my sister dropped a bombshell. She informed me that my birthday was NOT Aug. 31, but actually Sept. 1 -- like hers.

As you can imagine, I was shocked. Why would my own mother lie to me about something as important as my own date of birth? Mom even went so far as to have the doctor change the date on my birth certificate! My two older brothers confirmed it.

I am devastated at the dishonesty. Why would a mother do such a thing? Celebrating my birthday will never be the same again. -- SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS IN SYRACUSE

DEAR SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS: If I had to guess, I'd say your mother was trying to do you a favor. She didn't want you and your sister to have to share a birthday; she wanted each of you to have your own special day.

What I find disconcerting is that the doctor would go along with it because a birth certificate is a legal document, and to change it is not only a breach of ethics, but also against the law.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married in October and asked my matron of honor's daughter "Crystal" to sing at my wedding. However, she has not yet bothered to learn the song we requested.

Another young woman at our church has a much better voice, already knows the words and has offered to sing for us. I want to tell my friend that Crystal isn't taking this seriously and I would like to hire the other singer, but I'm afraid she will be offended. How do I approach this subject? -- NERVOUS BRIDE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR NERVOUS: To accuse your matron of honor's daughter of shirking her responsibility half a year before the wedding would be jumping the gun and cause hard feelings. If Crystal hasn't learned the lyrics by the end of August, tell her mother then that you feel the young woman hasn't taken the honor seriously and you have found someone who already knows the song. So calm down, secure in the knowledge that you have a qualified understudy standing in the wings if your first choice is unprepared.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Carrie," and I have a vacation home in Florida. Occasionally Carrie goes down there for a week or so with her best friend. While she's away, I miss her badly and can't wait for her to call so I can hear her voice. The problem is she doesn't seem to miss me.

Sometimes she "forgets" to call or acts like she doesn't want to talk to me. When she gets home she says, "Of course I missed you," but it's different when she is off having fun and I'm the one stuck at home.

Carrie says it is normal for someone on vacation to have fun and be busy, and it shouldn't matter if I'm not on her mind. Please tell me -- do I have a problem, does my wife have a problem, or do WE have a problem? -- LONELY HUSBAND IN MINNESOTA

DEAR LONELY HUSBAND: When a man says he feels neglected, and his wife forgets to call him when she's vacationing without him (and puts quotation marks around the word "forgets"!) and uses a phrase like "stuck at home," which implies resentment, then the answer to your question is you BOTH have a problem. Also, it appears you are extremely dependent upon your spouse and could benefit from developing some outside interests or male friends of your own.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of more than 20 years has a boyfriend in prison. They started out as pen pals and quickly "fell in love." He was convicted of kidnapping and committing a sex crime against a woman. He will be released from prison soon, after completing his 15-year sentence, and plans on moving in with her.

Neither my husband nor I want to get to know this man, visit him in their home or entertain him in ours. My husband is adamant about never socializing with them.

I care deeply for my friend and want her to be happy, but I think she's making a huge mistake. How can I continue this friendship? -- BEHIND THE EIGHT BALL

DEAR BEHIND: You can't. And when she asks you why you have withdrawn from her life, you are going to have to give her the reason. The idea that you can maintain a friendship with this woman and exclude the man who's living with her is unrealistic, and the sooner you recognize that fact, the better off you'll be.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law died unexpectedly a month ago. At his memorial service we were given numerous sympathy cards, some of which contained cash or checks. Is this commonplace? I asked other family members; they all said they hadn't heard of such a thing.

What are we supposed to do with the money? We don't know if there is a particular custom involving monetary donations. If you know, please advise. -- PERPLEXED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PERPLEXED: Giving money to the family of the deceased may be a regional custom. It is done to help the family defray the cost of the funeral or other expenses.

Unless individuals prepare in advance for "the unexpected," their survivors can be caught flat-footed when a death occurs. Bank accounts can be frozen until the estate is settled, and it can take some time for insurance money to kick in. These donations can mean that the family has rent money or even money for food and can be very meaningful.