DEAR ABBY: "Charlotte" and I dated happily for six years before we married. Now, after only a few months, she finds almost everything about me wrong. For example, I offered to trim her toenails, not because I thought they looked bad but because I thought she might appreciate it. She became upset with me and accused me of criticizing her appearance.

This kind of thing happens every week. I feel uneasy about saying anything to her. All I'm trying to do is show her how much I love her and that I'm there for her. Charlotte is beautiful. She's 51 but looks 40. I'm 61 and look 61. Have you any advice for me? We have both been married twice before. -- TRYING TO BE THE PERFECT HUSBAND IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TRYING: What a sad situation. Not knowing Charlotte, I can't comment on her quirks. Has she always been sensitive about her appearance or is this something new? Has your behavior changed since the wedding? In other words, could you be trying so hard to please her that it is off-putting?

Please consider this, and if her fault-finding continues, see if she will agree to marriage counseling. Whatever is happening between you, without some mediation, neither of you will be happier in this marriage than you were in the two that preceded it.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17, and my younger brother is 16. He is already a father, and when he goes out with his friends, he ends up getting in trouble. I have tried to explain to him that he needs to stay away from those "friends" and think about his baby. He was arrested four days after the baby was born, and he just got out of jail.

I have already told him I don't want to visit him in jail again, and I don't want my nephew to grow up without a dad. What can I say so that he can stay out of trouble? -- BIG SISTER IN DODGE CITY, KAN.

DEAR BIG SISTER: Although you are only a year older, you appear to be a lot more emotionally mature than your brother. Somehow it seems he has not yet grasped the fact that irresponsible actions bring about consequences. While I appreciate your desire to protect him from himself, it is just not possible. I'm sorry to say that some people have to learn their lessons the hard way, and your brother appears to be one of them.

DEAR ABBY: My only child will graduate in June, and we are faced with a problem. My mentally ill sister -- who has a history of making scenes -- wants to attend the graduation ceremony. She has spoiled many family celebrations. It makes no difference to her where or when she "goes off."

Although I believe in forgiveness, I don't want to take the chance that she will ruin the day my son graduates. There is a growing rift in the family over this, and I welcome your advice. -- MOTHER OF THE GRADUATE

DEAR MOTHER: I assume that your sister cannot control her emotions and behavior. Tickets to most graduation ceremonies are strictly limited, and if you have reason to believe that her presence will be disruptive, you should not invite her. If you are planning a celebration for extended family and friends afterward, she can be included as long as someone is assigned to watch over her and will escort her out if she creates a scene.

DEAR ABBY: I need some advice -- fast! My daughter, "Julie," is being married in July to a wonderful young man I'll call "Denny," who is also an only child. Julie and Denny planned a small, intimate wedding with close friends and family to be held in our prize-winning flower garden. The guest list was limited to 50, so my sister is catering the happy day.

Now, suddenly, Denny's mother bought another 200 invitations and mailed them out! At last count, we have 180 guests! I thought the guest list was up to the bride and groom. Not only is there not enough room in our garden, but no parking! We live in a small, gated community, and our covenants do not allow for that many cars. Must we find another venue for the wedding or can we tell mom-in-law-to-be she was out of line? -- FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR FUTURE M.I.L.: What Denny's mother did was extremely presumptuous. However, this is not your problem, so please don't make it so.

Inform Denny's mother that entertaining more than 50 wedding guests on your property is forbidden by the codes, covenants and restrictions in your community and that she must now call every one of the guests she invited and rescind the invitation. Then alert the security personnel that only those on the original guest list are to be admitted.

Please understand that you and your daughter have my deepest sympathy, because this is only the opening salvo in the power struggle that's to come with this nervy woman -- so be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 years old and, aside from my wedding day, I have never worn makeup. Several people have told me that "every woman needs makeup." I have pretty good skin, so I just brush them off and continue going without.

Lately, however, I have noticed that my cheeks and forehead are a bit more red than the rest of my face, and I would like to try some foundation or something to help even out my complexion. I'm not looking to go from zero to 60; I just want to start with the basics. I'm just not sure where to start.

I am wary of beauty consultants who will try to sell me overpriced stuff that I don't need. Also, I am afraid my husband, who has been fine with my "au naturel" appearance, will wonder why I'm all of a sudden interested in makeup. We have a great marriage, but he has mentioned in the past how glad he is that I don't wear makeup because it is messy and time-consuming. Can you give me some advice? -- MAKEUP-CHALLENGED IN TEXAS

DEAR MAKEUP-CHALLENGED: I'll gladly share some important beauty advice with you. It's something I learned in my 20s.

When it comes to your skin, your best friend is a good dermatologist. He or she can determine whether this change in your complexion is "cosmetic" or a symptom of an underlying medical problem. It could be something as simple as an allergy to the soap you are using, but you need to find out what is causing the irritation rather than trying to cover it up.

DEAR ABBY: You once published a beautiful short poem having to do with the value of reading to children. Encore, encore! -- MOMMY IN TACOMA

DEAR MOMMY: With pleasure. It is from a poem titled "The Reading Mother" and was written by Strickland Gillilan.

"You may have tangible wealth untold;

"Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.

"Richer than I you can never be --

"I had a mother who read to me."

DEAR ABBY: Prom and graduation season has arrived with all of the celebrating that goes along with it. So please print my letter for parents and teens to read -- perhaps together.

My daughter was an honor student all through high school. We had a close relationship. I always made sure she knew she could come to me with any problem, whether it be her grades, alcohol or sex. On the issue of drinking and driving, I made her understand that wherever she was, I would gladly pick her up -- no questions asked. I have heard that many parents make the same offer to their children.

I firmly believed that my daughter would call me if she needed to. However, she recently decided she could drive home after drinking what she considered to be "a safe amount of alcohol." Unfortunately, she struck a utility pole on a sharp turn and flipped her car over. By the grace of God, she and her friend escaped with minor injuries. But, as you know, many people don't survive such a horrific accident.

Abby, many parents say, "It won't happen to my child." Teens think they are invincible, but tragedy happens to people from all walks of life and all kinds of families. I feel blessed that both girls are still alive to appreciate their second lease on life, but it makes me sad to think about how many kids don't return home each night. Can you comment, Abby? -- GRATEFUL MOM IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR GRATEFUL MOM: Not a year goes by that we don't hear news reports about drinking-and-driving tragedies -- and they are not limited to teens. Because of that, I am pleased to print your letter.

What happened to your daughter illustrates that people who have been drinking are not always aware to what extent it has impaired their judgment. And it's not limited to drinking and driving. People under the influence have been known to make more than one kind of life-changing miscalculation because they are tipsy.

Your daughter and her friend were indeed lucky. Not only could one or both of them have been killed, either of them could have suffered a lifelong injury from that escapade.

Parents: Please discuss this letter with your teen today!

DEAR ABBY: I am worried about our little ones who hear bad language on a daily basis. How is that going to go over when they reach school age?

I'll give you an example. My 3-year-old great-grandson called his mother a "dork." When I commented that he must have learned that at child care, she said, "No, he heard it from me." I was appalled.

Then there was the adorable, precocious 2-year-old who said, "Oh, #@*%!" when I dropped something. I looked at her grandmother, who informed me that the little girl hears it from her other grandma all the time.

How can the parents of these precious little children allow this to happen? How do you think it will go over when they call their teacher a "dork" or use expletives in the classroom and on the playground? -- RED-FACED GRAMMA, McHENRY, ILL.

DEAR GRAMMA: For better or worse, children model their behavior on what they hear at home. You can't blame children for not knowing what they haven't been taught. But I can tell you this, no teachers worth their salt will allow a student to be disrespectful in the classroom and let it go. And the person who will suffer is the student.