DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Seth," and I are in our mid-20s and have been dating for seven years. We have a solid relationship, but I need your thoughts on something: He insists on cleaning up after everyone right under their noses.

We were recently invited to watch a basketball game at a friend's home. Appetizers were provided over the course of several hours. People kept losing their cups and plates because Seth "thought they were done" and threw the items away.

Abby, he was doing this in a house he had never visited before with people he had never met! He also does it with family instead of sitting and relaxing after the meal and enjoying the conversation. When we eat at a restaurant, Seth will pile up our plates and silverware as soon as he thinks I'm done "to make it easier for the server to clean up."

Clearing the table was not a chore my boyfriend was assigned as a child, nor is he overly concerned with neatness in other areas of his life. He's not shy around people, so he isn't keeping busy to avoid conversation.

He says he is being polite. I say he could volunteer to help tidy up at the end of a party, but he shouldn't touch other people's eating utensils in the middle of an event. What do you think? -- DATING MR. CLEAN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DATING MR. CLEAN: It appears you are dating a frustrated busboy. I don't know where your boyfriend got the idea that picking up other people's dinnerware without first asking if they are finished is polite -- because it isn't. In fact, it's rude.

I am also not as convinced as you are that your boyfriend is comfortable making conversation because he appears to be fixated on making "busy work" on social occasions -- which could be an indication that he feels socially awkward.

DEAR ABBY: I am a hardworking CPA, recovering from another busy tax season. Along with my colleagues, I become a little crazed during that frantic time of year. May I share some tips with your readers so next year their appointments will go more smoothly?

1. Feel free to answer your cell phone during our appointment. I have nothing else to do, so please don't be concerned that you're taking up extra time.

2. Do bring your small children along. Yes, they may be bored, but I love entertaining them instead of giving you my full attention.

3. By all means drop by without an appointment to ask a question. So what if I'm talking to another client! I don't mind dropping what I'm doing to talk to you because, again, I'm not busy.

4. There is no need to expect to pay for our services when you pick up your tax return. After all, it's not like buying a gallon of milk. And be assured I don't mind putting your return ahead of all the others because you need your refund to go to the Caribbean. Of course you are more important than the conscientious clients who got their information here ahead of you.

5. The remaining 95 percent of my clients are a joy to work with, so don't forget what put you in that 5 percent. -- RECUPERATING IN ALABAMA

DEAR RECUPERATING: Your frustration is understandable, particularly since tax season has just ended, and I love your dry sense of humor. But any CPA who posted your "tips" would probably wind up working for tips.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a nanny and have been for three years. The 10-year-old girl I work with is wonderful, and I love her dearly. Her parents are not abusive, but they are caught up in their own lives. They devote very little time or effort to their daughter.

The only thing my employers ever talk to her about is school (she's an A student) and academics. When they are home they spend very little time with her. They never buy her even tiny gifts "just because" -- only when she brings home A's does she get gifts. Of course she is upset by this. She confides in me, to the point of tears.

How can I get her parents to take an active role in her life? I know better than to tell a parent how to be a parent, but they are slowly scarring their daughter and making her resent them. I know they love her, but their parenting makes her feel unlovable. -- NANNY IN NEW YORK

DEAR NANNY: Loneliness is the ultimate poverty. For all of her financial advantages, that girl is emotionally starved and for good reason. Her parents appear to be so self-involved they give her only the bare minimum and have handed that "chore" off to you. I'm sad to say what they are doing will have ramifications for their daughter in the future.

Whether you can change their pattern of behavior is open to question. You can try by telling them their daughter "needs more of them" and suggest that ALL of you spend an afternoon/evening together occasionally, so the unaccustomed "burden" won't be too heavy for them. But if they can't or won't devote the time, she should be involved in extracurricular activities that will get her out of the house -- things like sports and classes in music, dance, drama, etc. -- which will give her more positive feedback and less time to brood.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a junior in high school and have never had any romantic experience. It wasn't a big deal when I was a freshman, but now as the prom approaches, I'm starting to get anxious about the possibility of being dateless.

My friend "Terri" says you don't have to have a date, but I am still skeptical. Although it might be fun going with Terri and other friends, who am I supposed to share a slow dance with? I'd feel awkward sitting there while everyone else danced. And I would feel uncomfortable if a guy I didn't know asked me to dance.

If I give up on the idea of going, I might miss a special night, but could also be avoiding a potentially embarrassing situation. What's your advice? -- UNDECIDED TEEN

DEAR UNDECIDED: Stop worrying about what "might" happen, go to the prom with your friends and keep an open mind. If you aren't asked to dance, look around and you'll probably see others who haven't been asked, either. Talk to them. I'm sure they'll be glad for the company.

If someone you don't know asks you to dance, it means he thinks you're attractive. That's a compliment. So smile, be polite and dance with him. If he's not your dream partner, remember it's only a dance -- not a marriage proposal.

Unless you're willing to take some risks and put yourself out there, you will never get any romantic experience.

DEAR ABBY: Believe me, I sympathize with "Duped in California" (Feb. 2). After my wedding in 1979 I sent my gown to a recommended dry cleaner and got the precious box back after waiting more than a month. It was sealed, with instructions to keep it sealed to preserve it.

A couple of months later I had a nagging feeling that something might be wrong and decided to look inside. Although I did get my dress back, it was far more soiled than when I took it to the cleaners. There were stains down the front and dirt along the hemline. I don't think the dress was ever cleaned, and even worse, I suspect it was worn by someone else.

My advice to brides: Send your gown to be cleaned, but check it before leaving the dry cleaners. -- DUPED IN CHIPPEWA FALLS, WIS.

DEAR DUPED: Thank you for your input, which was echoed by many other former brides. Wedding season is coming, and that's why I am urging brides-to-be to take your suggestion to heart. What happened to you appears to be a dirty little secret in the dry-cleaning industry.

To avoid being victimized, ask someone in the salon where your wedding gown is purchased to recommend a preservation specialist in your area. Then contact the Better Business Bureau to ensure that no complaints have been filed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: After my wedding, my mother had the good sense to suggest we inspect my dress after it was cleaned, but before it was boxed. To our horror, the dress appeared to have been run through a washing machine. Also, there were spots all over the dress. We were informed that the spots were alcohol stains, which wouldn't show up until after the dress was cleaned. But, Abby, no alcohol had been served at my reception. -- BRIDE IN CHAPEL HILL, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Duped in California" wasn't the first time I have heard of a dress going missing after it was supposedly returned from the cleaners. A TV personality was doing her talk show on weddings and presented her dress on the air to her audience only to discover -- to her shock and horror -- that her veil was the only thing in the box.

Because the dress is returned in a sealed box, most people don't think to check it, and this scam is commonplace and very lucrative for the thieves. Reputable cleaners should request that their customers inspect their gowns before the box is sealed so the disreputable ones can be weeded out from the ones who are honest. -- WENDY H., ANTIOCH, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: "Duped" is not alone. There have been many incidents of empty preservation boxes and stories of stolen or missing gowns, bridal veils and other family treasures.

Your readers can protect themselves by choosing a specialist who processes the gown LOCALLY, and by asking to inspect it personally before it is put into the container -- which should be completely acid-free and lined with fabric or acid-free tissue.

For more tips on gown care and information about safe storage, your readers should visit our Web site, www.WeddingGownSpecialists.com. -- SALLY LORENSEN CONANT, Ph.D., EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, ASSOCIATION OF WEDDING GOWN SPECIALISTS