DEAR ABBY: I'm a nanny and have been for three years. The 10-year-old girl I work with is wonderful, and I love her dearly. Her parents are not abusive, but they are caught up in their own lives. They devote very little time or effort to their daughter.

The only thing my employers ever talk to her about is school (she's an A student) and academics. When they are home they spend very little time with her. They never buy her even tiny gifts "just because" -- only when she brings home A's does she get gifts. Of course she is upset by this. She confides in me, to the point of tears.

How can I get her parents to take an active role in her life? I know better than to tell a parent how to be a parent, but they are slowly scarring their daughter and making her resent them. I know they love her, but their parenting makes her feel unlovable. -- NANNY IN NEW YORK

DEAR NANNY: Loneliness is the ultimate poverty. For all of her financial advantages, that girl is emotionally starved and for good reason. Her parents appear to be so self-involved they give her only the bare minimum and have handed that "chore" off to you. I'm sad to say what they are doing will have ramifications for their daughter in the future.

Whether you can change their pattern of behavior is open to question. You can try by telling them their daughter "needs more of them" and suggest that ALL of you spend an afternoon/evening together occasionally, so the unaccustomed "burden" won't be too heavy for them. But if they can't or won't devote the time, she should be involved in extracurricular activities that will get her out of the house -- things like sports and classes in music, dance, drama, etc. -- which will give her more positive feedback and less time to brood.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a junior in high school and have never had any romantic experience. It wasn't a big deal when I was a freshman, but now as the prom approaches, I'm starting to get anxious about the possibility of being dateless.

My friend "Terri" says you don't have to have a date, but I am still skeptical. Although it might be fun going with Terri and other friends, who am I supposed to share a slow dance with? I'd feel awkward sitting there while everyone else danced. And I would feel uncomfortable if a guy I didn't know asked me to dance.

If I give up on the idea of going, I might miss a special night, but could also be avoiding a potentially embarrassing situation. What's your advice? -- UNDECIDED TEEN

DEAR UNDECIDED: Stop worrying about what "might" happen, go to the prom with your friends and keep an open mind. If you aren't asked to dance, look around and you'll probably see others who haven't been asked, either. Talk to them. I'm sure they'll be glad for the company.

If someone you don't know asks you to dance, it means he thinks you're attractive. That's a compliment. So smile, be polite and dance with him. If he's not your dream partner, remember it's only a dance -- not a marriage proposal.

Unless you're willing to take some risks and put yourself out there, you will never get any romantic experience.

DEAR ABBY: Believe me, I sympathize with "Duped in California" (Feb. 2). After my wedding in 1979 I sent my gown to a recommended dry cleaner and got the precious box back after waiting more than a month. It was sealed, with instructions to keep it sealed to preserve it.

A couple of months later I had a nagging feeling that something might be wrong and decided to look inside. Although I did get my dress back, it was far more soiled than when I took it to the cleaners. There were stains down the front and dirt along the hemline. I don't think the dress was ever cleaned, and even worse, I suspect it was worn by someone else.

My advice to brides: Send your gown to be cleaned, but check it before leaving the dry cleaners. -- DUPED IN CHIPPEWA FALLS, WIS.

DEAR DUPED: Thank you for your input, which was echoed by many other former brides. Wedding season is coming, and that's why I am urging brides-to-be to take your suggestion to heart. What happened to you appears to be a dirty little secret in the dry-cleaning industry.

To avoid being victimized, ask someone in the salon where your wedding gown is purchased to recommend a preservation specialist in your area. Then contact the Better Business Bureau to ensure that no complaints have been filed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: After my wedding, my mother had the good sense to suggest we inspect my dress after it was cleaned, but before it was boxed. To our horror, the dress appeared to have been run through a washing machine. Also, there were spots all over the dress. We were informed that the spots were alcohol stains, which wouldn't show up until after the dress was cleaned. But, Abby, no alcohol had been served at my reception. -- BRIDE IN CHAPEL HILL, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Duped in California" wasn't the first time I have heard of a dress going missing after it was supposedly returned from the cleaners. A TV personality was doing her talk show on weddings and presented her dress on the air to her audience only to discover -- to her shock and horror -- that her veil was the only thing in the box.

Because the dress is returned in a sealed box, most people don't think to check it, and this scam is commonplace and very lucrative for the thieves. Reputable cleaners should request that their customers inspect their gowns before the box is sealed so the disreputable ones can be weeded out from the ones who are honest. -- WENDY H., ANTIOCH, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: "Duped" is not alone. There have been many incidents of empty preservation boxes and stories of stolen or missing gowns, bridal veils and other family treasures.

Your readers can protect themselves by choosing a specialist who processes the gown LOCALLY, and by asking to inspect it personally before it is put into the container -- which should be completely acid-free and lined with fabric or acid-free tissue.

For more tips on gown care and information about safe storage, your readers should visit our Web site, www.WeddingGownSpecialists.com. -- SALLY LORENSEN CONANT, Ph.D., EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, ASSOCIATION OF WEDDING GOWN SPECIALISTS

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-20s and in a long-term relationship. I can see myself getting married and having children in the next few years. So what do you do when your partner does not share your lifetime goals?

He has told me marriage is on the horizon "someday, maybe," but he has no desire for children. I love him dearly and won't put pressure on him, but have made my intentions clear.

How should I handle his wish to remain childless and unmarried when it is a lifetime dream of mine? -- DREAMING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DREAMING: Marriage may be on your boyfriend's horizon "someday, maybe," but so is interplanetary tourism to Mars. When you realize that your partner does not share your lifetime goals, what you should do is end the relationship on the highest note possible and move on.

DEAR ABBY: We have a relative, "Jerry," whom we dearly love. However, he has the disgusting habit of flossing his teeth in every room except the bathroom. After we eat, Jerry gets up and proceeds to floss his teeth in the kitchen, the living room or wherever he likes. He has even stood behind others and done it right over their shoulders. It's disgusting!

Several of us have asked him, politely, to floss in the bathroom or somewhere private, but it made him extremely defensive and angry. I'm sure there are others out there who do it. We just want Jerry and others to know that it is not appropriate and is considered rude. -- SICK TO MY STOMACH IN KENNEWICK, WASH.

DEAR SICK TO YOUR STOMACH: Not only is your relative's behavior inappropriate and rude, it is also gross. The reason people floss their teeth in a bathroom, preferably over a sink, becomes evident to anyone who has ever cleaned the bathroom mirror. To floss anywhere else, particularly over someone's shoulder, is unsanitary.

There is a saying, "The best defense is a strong offense." If Jerry wasn't already aware that what he was doing was wrong, he wouldn't have reacted the way he did when you asked him to stop. Shame on him. His behavior is boorish.

DEAR ABBY: High school graduations are just around the corner, and I would like people to give careful consideration to whom they send announcements.

Every year I receive announcements -- including pictures, calling cards, etc. -- from people I barely know and whose children I don't know at all. Because we say hello in the break room or pass each other in the neighborhood does not mean you need to send me an announcement. I don't know your child, and I don't send gifts to grads I don't know.

So save yourself time and money and leave folks you barely know off the list. Believe me, if someone wants to acknowledge your child's graduation, he or she will do so without being asked. -- NOT INTERESTED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: Because you receive an announcement in the mail does not mean you are required to send the graduate a gift. Sometimes families send them out because they are proud and want to share the news of their child's achievement with people they consider to be friends and/or their co-workers.

When you receive a graduation announcement, you have two choices: Ignore it or acknowledge it. I vote for acknowledging it -- with a congratulatory phone call or a nice card.