DEAR ABBY: Believe me, I sympathize with "Duped in California" (Feb. 2). After my wedding in 1979 I sent my gown to a recommended dry cleaner and got the precious box back after waiting more than a month. It was sealed, with instructions to keep it sealed to preserve it.

A couple of months later I had a nagging feeling that something might be wrong and decided to look inside. Although I did get my dress back, it was far more soiled than when I took it to the cleaners. There were stains down the front and dirt along the hemline. I don't think the dress was ever cleaned, and even worse, I suspect it was worn by someone else.

My advice to brides: Send your gown to be cleaned, but check it before leaving the dry cleaners. -- DUPED IN CHIPPEWA FALLS, WIS.

DEAR DUPED: Thank you for your input, which was echoed by many other former brides. Wedding season is coming, and that's why I am urging brides-to-be to take your suggestion to heart. What happened to you appears to be a dirty little secret in the dry-cleaning industry.

To avoid being victimized, ask someone in the salon where your wedding gown is purchased to recommend a preservation specialist in your area. Then contact the Better Business Bureau to ensure that no complaints have been filed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: After my wedding, my mother had the good sense to suggest we inspect my dress after it was cleaned, but before it was boxed. To our horror, the dress appeared to have been run through a washing machine. Also, there were spots all over the dress. We were informed that the spots were alcohol stains, which wouldn't show up until after the dress was cleaned. But, Abby, no alcohol had been served at my reception. -- BRIDE IN CHAPEL HILL, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Duped in California" wasn't the first time I have heard of a dress going missing after it was supposedly returned from the cleaners. A TV personality was doing her talk show on weddings and presented her dress on the air to her audience only to discover -- to her shock and horror -- that her veil was the only thing in the box.

Because the dress is returned in a sealed box, most people don't think to check it, and this scam is commonplace and very lucrative for the thieves. Reputable cleaners should request that their customers inspect their gowns before the box is sealed so the disreputable ones can be weeded out from the ones who are honest. -- WENDY H., ANTIOCH, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: "Duped" is not alone. There have been many incidents of empty preservation boxes and stories of stolen or missing gowns, bridal veils and other family treasures.

Your readers can protect themselves by choosing a specialist who processes the gown LOCALLY, and by asking to inspect it personally before it is put into the container -- which should be completely acid-free and lined with fabric or acid-free tissue.

For more tips on gown care and information about safe storage, your readers should visit our Web site, www.WeddingGownSpecialists.com. -- SALLY LORENSEN CONANT, Ph.D., EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, ASSOCIATION OF WEDDING GOWN SPECIALISTS

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-20s and in a long-term relationship. I can see myself getting married and having children in the next few years. So what do you do when your partner does not share your lifetime goals?

He has told me marriage is on the horizon "someday, maybe," but he has no desire for children. I love him dearly and won't put pressure on him, but have made my intentions clear.

How should I handle his wish to remain childless and unmarried when it is a lifetime dream of mine? -- DREAMING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DREAMING: Marriage may be on your boyfriend's horizon "someday, maybe," but so is interplanetary tourism to Mars. When you realize that your partner does not share your lifetime goals, what you should do is end the relationship on the highest note possible and move on.

DEAR ABBY: We have a relative, "Jerry," whom we dearly love. However, he has the disgusting habit of flossing his teeth in every room except the bathroom. After we eat, Jerry gets up and proceeds to floss his teeth in the kitchen, the living room or wherever he likes. He has even stood behind others and done it right over their shoulders. It's disgusting!

Several of us have asked him, politely, to floss in the bathroom or somewhere private, but it made him extremely defensive and angry. I'm sure there are others out there who do it. We just want Jerry and others to know that it is not appropriate and is considered rude. -- SICK TO MY STOMACH IN KENNEWICK, WASH.

DEAR SICK TO YOUR STOMACH: Not only is your relative's behavior inappropriate and rude, it is also gross. The reason people floss their teeth in a bathroom, preferably over a sink, becomes evident to anyone who has ever cleaned the bathroom mirror. To floss anywhere else, particularly over someone's shoulder, is unsanitary.

There is a saying, "The best defense is a strong offense." If Jerry wasn't already aware that what he was doing was wrong, he wouldn't have reacted the way he did when you asked him to stop. Shame on him. His behavior is boorish.

DEAR ABBY: High school graduations are just around the corner, and I would like people to give careful consideration to whom they send announcements.

Every year I receive announcements -- including pictures, calling cards, etc. -- from people I barely know and whose children I don't know at all. Because we say hello in the break room or pass each other in the neighborhood does not mean you need to send me an announcement. I don't know your child, and I don't send gifts to grads I don't know.

So save yourself time and money and leave folks you barely know off the list. Believe me, if someone wants to acknowledge your child's graduation, he or she will do so without being asked. -- NOT INTERESTED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: Because you receive an announcement in the mail does not mean you are required to send the graduate a gift. Sometimes families send them out because they are proud and want to share the news of their child's achievement with people they consider to be friends and/or their co-workers.

When you receive a graduation announcement, you have two choices: Ignore it or acknowledge it. I vote for acknowledging it -- with a congratulatory phone call or a nice card.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl and have a 10-year-old brother with autism. At school there are many kids who have special needs, and I try my best to befriend them.

A large number of students are unbelievably cruel to these people. They call them names and make fun of them right to their faces. Sometimes they don't do it in front of the person, but I also think it is very rude to talk about people behind their backs.

When I see or hear it happen, I would like to be able to say something to help them understand that what they are doing is not acceptable. What should I do when I am caught in these situations? -- TRYING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN OHIO

DEAR TRYING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE: People who ridicule others because they are physically or developmentally disabled sometimes do it for attention because it makes them feel superior or because they don't realize the damage they are doing.

One way to correct the perpetrators would be to speak up and say you don't think what they are doing is funny because you have a brother who struggles every day with the challenges of autism. You should also talk to a counselor or the principal of your school, describe what has been happening and suggest that the student body could benefit from sensitivity training regarding discrimination, which is offered at many schools.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law was unhappy in her relationship, so my husband and I offered to let her stay with us. We moved her and all her stuff into our home. We even kicked our 3-year-old out of his room so she could have privacy.

She stayed with us for two nights, then went to her mother's. She was gone a week, then came back and spent one night. Then she returned to her mom's for two weeks. Most of her things are still here, but she hasn't said she's living with her mother permanently.

Do I still have a houseguest? I'd like to give my son his room back, but I don't want to be rude to my possible guest. -- POSSIBLE HOSTESS

DEAR POSSIBLE HOSTESS: Your little boy needs his room back! Unless you are ready to establish some boundaries, your sister-in-law could bounce back and forth indefinitely. It's time for you and your husband to talk to his sister and his mother and determine where his sister plans to nest, because it is unfair to use your son's bedroom as a storage locker.

DEAR ABBY: Several months ago, my husband -- whose eyesight is fading rapidly -- was forced to depend on a cane indicating that he is blind. Since then, we have encountered many individuals who have no idea what a red-tipped white cane means.

We have heard people say things like, "Isn't that fancy!" or, "I love the way you decorated your cane for the Christmas season."

Abby, please inform your readers that a white cane with a red tip is not a fashion accessory or a personal whim. Its purpose is to allow a vision-impaired person to move around independently. Vision impairment also affects a person's balance. People have brushed past my husband, bumped into him and expressed annoyance because his slowness held them up.

I'm sure a "word to the wise" from you would make a decided difference. -- NANCY IN LACONIA, N.H.

DEAR NANCY: I'm pleased to help you spread the word, and you have described the situation very well. Allow me to add this: It's rude -- and can be dangerous -- to touch a stranger without permission. Not only could it cause the person to react in a hostile fashion, if he or she is blind, it could cause a nasty fall.