DEAR ABBY: First of all, thank you so much for your column. My husband and I read it every day and appreciate the advice and support that you give so many people. We, too, have been in the helping profession for almost 30 years.

I am writing about the letter from "Upset Mom in Bellflower" (Feb. 2), about a father who told his daughter's friend she was getting fat. You rightly pointed out to Upset Mom that the remark made to "Willa" was insensitive and inappropriate, and that it cost her daughter a friend. You also stated that perhaps Dad would be similarly hurt if he were told he was getting a paunch or losing his hair.

Abby, I wish you had added one more comment: Young girls are particularly vulnerable to remarks about their size, and many cases of eating disorders have stemmed from a single, insensitive, ignorant comment from a coach, boyfriend, parent or other adult -- whether or not it was the truth.

It's very important that Willa hear from her friend's mother or another trusted adult that in fact she is beautiful and can be healthy at any size or shape, so that she will not be tempted to use harmful practices in acting on something that should never have been said in the first place. -- LINDSEY COHN, CARLSBAD, CALIF.

DEAR LINDSEY: Thank you for your important addition to the advice I offered Upset Mom. There were plenty of other readers who felt similarly. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I was a child, my father made similar comments to me, my mother and most of my girlfriends throughout the time I lived at home. A few years ago, my best friend from grammar school visited me. With tears in her eyes she expressed how hurtful the comments my father had made about her size had been.

Abby, that happened more than 30 years ago, and my friend was still affected. Please remind your readers that it is never appropriate to make disparaging remarks about a person's weight. -- MARY IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 15, my father made a crack about my weight. I'm sure he thought he was being "helpful," because he had seen my mother struggle with her weight. (Mind you, I was 5 feet 9 inches and 120 pounds.) I am now 48 and a successful scientist with a Ph.D. from an Ivy League university, yet I will never forget that remark from my dad. It hurt me to the core. -- STILL STINGING IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: The woman's husband was wrong for saying what he did. You should have told her to insist that he go over to the girl's house when her mother was present and apologize profusely to both of them for his inconsiderate remark. Maybe then his daughter could get her friend back. -- CECILE IN MAINE

DEAR ABBY: I disagreed with the examples you suggested to criticize that man to make him understand the impact it can have. For the most part, men respond differently to criticism than women do. If you tell most men, "You're getting a paunch" or "Your hair is getting thin," you won't get as strong a reaction as when you tell a woman she's getting fat. Instead try, "You're not very strong," "You don't know much about sports, do you?" or "Your lawn is looking kind of shabby," depending upon what the man is most vain about. Then you may hit closer to home. -- HENRY IN CORONA, CALIF.

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DEAR ABBY: My parents have been married for 60 years. My father has always been physically, verbally and mentally abusive to my mother. My mother is also verbally and mentally abusive to my father.

Because of the violence, Dad is now on probation for two years. They will not divorce or live separately, but continue with their sick relationship. I know we can't help them, but what can we do to save ourselves from being drawn into it? They are both masters at drawing us into it. -- DEVASTATED ADULT CHILDREN OF CRAZY PARENTS

DEAR CHILDREN: As loving, caring children you cannot, at least on some level, avoid being drawn in to some extent. However, it may be less wrenching for you if you consider that both your parents have been getting something out of this sick relationship or it would have ended years ago.

Some people mistake pain and violence for love and passion, and your folks may fall into this category. But if their dysfunctional relationship is preventing you from enjoying your own lives, then what you should do is talk about it with a psychotherapist, because at this late date, your father and mother aren't going to change.

DEAR ABBY: I am 22, and a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I must inject myself with insulin four times a day. If I am going to be away from home for more than a few hours, I must bring my insulin and other supplies with me.

When I'm in public -- like in a restaurant -- I feel as though going off alone to inject myself is denying a part of who I am, so I choose to remain visible when I inject. What is your take on this? I have never seen anyone else do it in plain view, but I would like to because diabetes is nothing to be ashamed of. People often ask questions when I do it, and I'm happy to answer them and to spread awareness.

Do you agree that accepting a disease like this is more easily achieved when one is not isolating oneself? -- UNASHAMED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNASHAMED: Yes, I do -- and I have seen someone with diabetes inject himself while seated at a dinner table. My initial reaction was one of concern, and I am sure that is how others would react as well. Having a disease like diabetes is nothing to be ashamed of, and whether you choose to inject your insulin in public is a personal choice, depending upon how comfortable a person feels about it.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to eat bacon in a restaurant? My son says that bacon is finger food and can be picked up with your fingers.

I like to cut the bacon strips into bite-sized pieces that can fit on a fork to be eaten without getting my fingers greasy. -- MOTHER KNOWS BEST

DEAR MOTHER: It depends upon how you like your bacon cooked. According to Emily Post, bacon can be eaten as a finger food "when it is dry, crisp and served whole. If the bacon is broken into bits, served in thick slices (as with Canadian bacon) or limp, eat it with knife and fork as you would any other meat."

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law passed away in 2002 and had a friend I'll call "Roy," who was his skiing buddy. This "friend" now comes to Canada every winter for a 10-day vacation. He expects us to drive him to his destination two hours away, over icy roads and at times blizzard-like conditions, leave him there for a week, return the following weekend at night, stay the weekend and then host him for two to three days.

Abby, this is a busy time of year for me. It is not our vacation time. My husband thinks it's no big deal, but I feel differently. I have tried to get my husband to stop this "chauffeur" duty back and forth each year, to no avail. This year, Roy will be spending an extra two nights at our home. I am too busy to entertain, cook meals, etc. Please advise! -- TRAPPED IN CALGARY

DEAR TRAPPED: Look at it this way. To your husband, Roy is a living link to his deceased father. That may be the reason he does not regard Roy's annual visits as an imposition.

Because you do, and you need to concentrate on your business, encourage your husband to take Roy to the slopes, spend the weekend with him and bring him home. Playing hostess for a night or two shouldn't be too much to ask -- and the bulk of the load will be off your shoulders.

DEAR ABBY: My parents are in their 70s. Both are generous and loving. Over the years Mom has refused to accept any act of generosity or gift, large or small, from any of her children. This includes birthdays, their anniversary and all major holidays. In the past, she would return our gifts to the mall.

In recent years we have resorted to giving her and Dad gift cards or food because they can't be returned. Each time we do we get a lecture from her in a reprimanding tone, telling us we "spent too much." (We're a practical clan; we do not spend a lot of money or buy anything lavish.) Following the reprimand, Mother then passes out large checks to each of us and our children.

Aside from the holidays, Mom will not accept a dinner invitation at my home. When one of us hosts a family party, she insists on writing a check to cover the cost of the food. When we're out for an occasional lunch or dinner, she grabs the check and becomes upset if one of us tries to pay for it.

We're all mature adults with good incomes. This quirk of hers has become frustrating and embarrassing. Does Mom have low self-esteem and can't accept an act of generosity, or is she a control freak? If we eliminated the gift-giving, she would still continue doling out the checks. What can we do? -- OVER IT IN RACINE, WIS.

DEAR OVER IT: Your mother is obviously well-fixed. She sees her role as matriarch of your family, and part of that role is being a provider. On some level, she may feel that anything you spend on her would be better spent on yourselves and your children.

The IRS allows a certain amount of money to be given as a gift every year, tax-free. The checks your mother is handing out may be her way of trying to transfer wealth within the family.

My advice is to graciously accept her generosity. At this point you're not going to change your mother. You can, however, change the way you are reacting to her and love her, quirk and all.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: A happy Easter to all of you!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)