DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced father of three who has worked hard at staying part of my children's lives, contributing financial and emotional support through college. I have since remarried and have a good relationship with all three, who are now on their own, working and leading normal, healthy and productive lives.

My 24-year-old daughter, "Amanda," has recently become engaged. Despite my giving her a "heads up" about wanting a courtesy call from her fiance, "Larry," at some point, I got nothing. Apparently, she told him it wasn't necessary. So much for who will wear the pants in their family.

Without being a jerk, I mentioned something to Larry -- half in jest -- when they called to give me their good news. Knowing that I may have been slightly offended, I can't believe he didn't call me a few days later with an explanation or an apology. When I later mentioned to Amanda that I was disappointed, she and her sister insisted that the custom is outdated.

Larry is 30; he's no kid. I haven't found one dad yet who didn't get "the call" from a daughter's intended. Do I need to let go of this, or am I justified in speaking further to Larry about it? The wedding is getting closer, and I am ... DISMAYED IN ROSWELL, GA.

DEAR DISMAYED: For everyone's sake, it would be better if you cooled off and stopped the advice gathering. While I agree that the formality of asking for a woman's hand (or whatever) may be outdated, particularly if a daughter is self-supporting and out on her own, it is still a gesture of respect. It would have been nice if she had held your feelings in higher regard, but perhaps she didn't feel her fiance would pass muster.

I don't know how many dads to whom you have confided this story, but for all concerned, it might be less embarrassing if you stopped and accepted the fact that, as much as you might like to protect your daughter, the gesture was unwelcome.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college-educated mother of three wonderful, well-adjusted children. The decision that I would not work was one that my husband and I made with the understanding that we would have to forgo a lot of luxuries because we wouldn't have a second income. It has been worth it, and we have no regrets.

I would never dream of asking a working mother to give me money so I could buy something I can't afford. So why, then, do so many working moms have no compunction about asking me for my time? The requests are endless -- running their child's forgotten homework to school, picking up their kids from activities, doing their share at school functions, letting their dogs out, etc. Please tell me what to say to these nervy women. -- BUSY WITH MY OWN IN TENNESSEE

DEAR BUSY: The working women who ask these favors may not appreciate the fact that being a stay-at-home mother is also a full-time job. If their requests make you feel encroached upon, all you have to say is that you can't do it because you have a "previous commitment." (You do not have to say that the commitment is to your own children.)

However, before you start turning down these other mothers in a wholesale fashion, allow me to remind you that the way to have friends is to be one. And the time to be a friend is when someone needs one. You don't have to be a pushover -- but don't isolate yourself, either.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY JEWISH READERS: A happy Passover, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Helene," refuses to speak to me for days or even weeks. When I try to find out why or talk to her, she ignores me. She has moved into another bedroom, which has become her own little domain. She refuses to have sex or even watch TV with me.

I have no reason to believe Helene is cheating, and I am certainly not cheating on her. We are raising my son from a previous marriage, and sometimes I wonder if this is what is bugging her.

My ex-wife lives in another state, and we communicate only once in a while. My boy is a pre-teen, and Helene and I have had him since he was a baby. He considers her his "Mama," and she considers him her son.

I am very much in love with my wife, and I can't figure this out. Can people just fall out of love? -- FREEZING IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR FREEZING: Rarely. More often they are either pushed or lured away.

As much as you love your wife, I hope you realize that her behavior is both passive-aggressive and abusive. Could she have emotional problems? Whatever has caused her to withdraw, unless she's willing to talk things out like a mature adult, there is no way to fix the problem.

Your marriage is in serious trouble. It's time to consult a licensed marriage and family counselor. If your wife won't go, you should go alone.

DEAR ABBY: Our 23-year-old daughter, "Kristy," lives at home. She works full time and goes to school, but lives here with free room and board, cable TV, etc. She has been seeing a man for a month and now is spending two or three nights a week at "his place."

I am not unreasonable or naive, but I feel that because Kristy is living under my roof, she should live by my rules, which do not include sleeping over at some man's house after only one month of dating. To top it off, we have never met him, although we have asked several times to be introduced.

We know that Kristy is an adult, but I believe that as an adult she should have enough respect for us to refrain from spending the night at his place until she knows him better and we have at least met him. Am I being unreasonable?

My wife throws up her hands and says, "What can we do?" I believe parenting does not end at 18. I am not a prude, but this seems wrong to me. Any advice? -- DAD IN DISTRESS

DEAR DAD: Your daughter is a self-supporting adult with a full-time job, so stop treating her like a child. It is her right to come and go as she pleases, but if she does, she should have a place of her own. That way she won't be obligated to introduce you to her men friends, some of whom might not feel ready to meet her father. It will give her some degree of privacy, and you can keep your illusions about your daughter intact.

Bottom line: It is your house. You and your wife have every right to make the rules and be comfortable in it. My advice is to suggest kindly to Kristy that all of you might be happier if she got an apartment.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bob," and I have been married 12 years. One night three years ago, he beat me as I slept in our bed. Bob says he must have been having a nightmare and that he would never beat me.

His fists were clenched as he was hitting my head and body that night. I was pinned by the covers and couldn't defend myself. He has been sleeping in the guest room ever since. I lock my bedroom door every night.

I have gone to counseling, but Bob refuses because he says it's too expensive. I am unemployed and feel trapped financially by him. How long can a middle-aged woman survive in a loveless, passionless and distrustful marriage? -- ALL ABOUT BOB IN ALABAMA

DEAR ALL ABOUT BOB: That depends upon the reason your marriage is loveless, passionless and distrustful. You say your husband says he has no memory of striking you. Has he ever raised a hand to you while he was awake? If the answer is no, then he should be evaluated for a sleep disorder.

People have been known to do unusual things in their sleep -- including sleepwalking, driving a car, eating compulsively and striking out. Once you know the reason for what happened that night, you will then have enough information to decide what to do about your future.

DEAR ABBY: A few days ago, my 8-year-old daughter, "Mira," told me that one of her best friends, a girl named "Brittany," was handing out envelopes in class. When Mira asked what Brittany was doing, Brittany told her she was passing out invitations to her birthday party and that my daughter wasn't invited.

I understand that the birthday girl can invite anyone she wants to her party, but this was one of Mira's closest friends. I am also friendly with Brittany's mother. The girl did tell Mira that she is on the "cancellation list" -- and if someone cancels, then she can attend.

My daughter is hurt and confused, and frankly, so am I. This was a huge blow to Mira's self-esteem. I can't understand how Brittany's mother could allow her daughter to do this, knowing full well that the girls are close friends. Mira is the only one in the group who was excluded.

I need your help, Abby. How should I handle this without blowing things out of the water? -- FEELING HER PAIN

DEAR FEELING HER PAIN: It appears that Brittany's mother isn't as much of a friend as you thought she was, or she would not have allowed her daughter to snub your daughter the way she did.

Being put on a cancellation list (a "B" list) is no compliment, and your daughter should not attend that party even if there is a cancellation. My advice is to make a point of doing something special with your daughter on that day so she won't feel so left out. She should also become involved in extracurricular activities where she can meet other children, so she won't be so dependent upon the clique that cliqued her out.