DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Helene," refuses to speak to me for days or even weeks. When I try to find out why or talk to her, she ignores me. She has moved into another bedroom, which has become her own little domain. She refuses to have sex or even watch TV with me.

I have no reason to believe Helene is cheating, and I am certainly not cheating on her. We are raising my son from a previous marriage, and sometimes I wonder if this is what is bugging her.

My ex-wife lives in another state, and we communicate only once in a while. My boy is a pre-teen, and Helene and I have had him since he was a baby. He considers her his "Mama," and she considers him her son.

I am very much in love with my wife, and I can't figure this out. Can people just fall out of love? -- FREEZING IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR FREEZING: Rarely. More often they are either pushed or lured away.

As much as you love your wife, I hope you realize that her behavior is both passive-aggressive and abusive. Could she have emotional problems? Whatever has caused her to withdraw, unless she's willing to talk things out like a mature adult, there is no way to fix the problem.

Your marriage is in serious trouble. It's time to consult a licensed marriage and family counselor. If your wife won't go, you should go alone.

DEAR ABBY: Our 23-year-old daughter, "Kristy," lives at home. She works full time and goes to school, but lives here with free room and board, cable TV, etc. She has been seeing a man for a month and now is spending two or three nights a week at "his place."

I am not unreasonable or naive, but I feel that because Kristy is living under my roof, she should live by my rules, which do not include sleeping over at some man's house after only one month of dating. To top it off, we have never met him, although we have asked several times to be introduced.

We know that Kristy is an adult, but I believe that as an adult she should have enough respect for us to refrain from spending the night at his place until she knows him better and we have at least met him. Am I being unreasonable?

My wife throws up her hands and says, "What can we do?" I believe parenting does not end at 18. I am not a prude, but this seems wrong to me. Any advice? -- DAD IN DISTRESS

DEAR DAD: Your daughter is a self-supporting adult with a full-time job, so stop treating her like a child. It is her right to come and go as she pleases, but if she does, she should have a place of her own. That way she won't be obligated to introduce you to her men friends, some of whom might not feel ready to meet her father. It will give her some degree of privacy, and you can keep your illusions about your daughter intact.

Bottom line: It is your house. You and your wife have every right to make the rules and be comfortable in it. My advice is to suggest kindly to Kristy that all of you might be happier if she got an apartment.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bob," and I have been married 12 years. One night three years ago, he beat me as I slept in our bed. Bob says he must have been having a nightmare and that he would never beat me.

His fists were clenched as he was hitting my head and body that night. I was pinned by the covers and couldn't defend myself. He has been sleeping in the guest room ever since. I lock my bedroom door every night.

I have gone to counseling, but Bob refuses because he says it's too expensive. I am unemployed and feel trapped financially by him. How long can a middle-aged woman survive in a loveless, passionless and distrustful marriage? -- ALL ABOUT BOB IN ALABAMA

DEAR ALL ABOUT BOB: That depends upon the reason your marriage is loveless, passionless and distrustful. You say your husband says he has no memory of striking you. Has he ever raised a hand to you while he was awake? If the answer is no, then he should be evaluated for a sleep disorder.

People have been known to do unusual things in their sleep -- including sleepwalking, driving a car, eating compulsively and striking out. Once you know the reason for what happened that night, you will then have enough information to decide what to do about your future.

DEAR ABBY: A few days ago, my 8-year-old daughter, "Mira," told me that one of her best friends, a girl named "Brittany," was handing out envelopes in class. When Mira asked what Brittany was doing, Brittany told her she was passing out invitations to her birthday party and that my daughter wasn't invited.

I understand that the birthday girl can invite anyone she wants to her party, but this was one of Mira's closest friends. I am also friendly with Brittany's mother. The girl did tell Mira that she is on the "cancellation list" -- and if someone cancels, then she can attend.

My daughter is hurt and confused, and frankly, so am I. This was a huge blow to Mira's self-esteem. I can't understand how Brittany's mother could allow her daughter to do this, knowing full well that the girls are close friends. Mira is the only one in the group who was excluded.

I need your help, Abby. How should I handle this without blowing things out of the water? -- FEELING HER PAIN

DEAR FEELING HER PAIN: It appears that Brittany's mother isn't as much of a friend as you thought she was, or she would not have allowed her daughter to snub your daughter the way she did.

Being put on a cancellation list (a "B" list) is no compliment, and your daughter should not attend that party even if there is a cancellation. My advice is to make a point of doing something special with your daughter on that day so she won't feel so left out. She should also become involved in extracurricular activities where she can meet other children, so she won't be so dependent upon the clique that cliqued her out.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old, divorced woman who is planning to remarry soon. My ex-husband and I are still friendly and get along well.

Would it be inappropriate to ask him to walk me down the aisle? My father is dead, and my mother feels the task should fall to a significant male. I would like to ask him, but I am not sure how he'll react or if my fiance will approve of the idea. Any suggestions? -- SECOND TIME AROUND

DEAR SECOND TIME: Yes. Before going any further, discuss it with your fiance. While it is admirable that you and your ex are still on friendly terms, your fiance might find it troubling to have his bride "handed-off" to him by her first husband. Then, because you are independent, consider walking yourself down the aisle, or ask your mother if she would like the honor.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s and have a friend, "Logan," who is in his early 30s. We go out to dinner every so often to catch up. When the server asks how the check should be split, Logan quickly says to put it all on one check -- and before I know it, he has already paid for both of our meals.

I have told him before that I'd like to pay for some of our meals or, at least, be allowed to pay for my own -- but his response is always that I'm young and in college and he is working.

I appreciate the gesture and his concern, but I feel a little insulted that someone would think I'm unable to take care of myself. It also makes me feel a little guilty when he always grabs the check. Is there something I can do to assuage my conscience without insulting my friend? -- YOUNG, BUT NOT PENNILESS, CIRCLEVILLE, OHIO

DEAR NOT PENNILESS: Before you go out with Logan again, explain that while you appreciate his generosity, you would prefer that he allow you to pick up the check for two reasons: one, because you are financially able to do so, and two, because the situation is making you uncomfortable.

Alternatively, when you and Logan are seated, rather than waiting for the server to ask how the check should be divided, instruct the server that the check is to be given to you.

DEAR ABBY: I have had several recent experiences of needing to grab only a few items and quickly check out of a store, only to find the express lane -- which is supposed to be for shoppers with 10 items or less -- occupied by someone with an entire cartload of items.

What is the proper etiquette in this situation? Should I say nothing and allow my time to be wasted by people who think they are entitled? Should I mention it to the store manager or say something to the cashier in the presence of the offender?

Should I bite my lip or bring it to someone's attention? As a former cashier, I feel it is the responsibility of the cashier working the express lane to regulate who comes into it, but the cashiers seem oblivious or apathetic. -- FRUSTRATED SHOPPER IN IDAHO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I agree that it should be the responsibility of the cashier to enforce the rules -- and where I live, many of them do it effectively. However, because those in the store you patronize are unwilling to risk confrontation, mention your frustration to the manager. It is possible that the cashiers need more training.