DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old, divorced woman who is planning to remarry soon. My ex-husband and I are still friendly and get along well.

Would it be inappropriate to ask him to walk me down the aisle? My father is dead, and my mother feels the task should fall to a significant male. I would like to ask him, but I am not sure how he'll react or if my fiance will approve of the idea. Any suggestions? -- SECOND TIME AROUND

DEAR SECOND TIME: Yes. Before going any further, discuss it with your fiance. While it is admirable that you and your ex are still on friendly terms, your fiance might find it troubling to have his bride "handed-off" to him by her first husband. Then, because you are independent, consider walking yourself down the aisle, or ask your mother if she would like the honor.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s and have a friend, "Logan," who is in his early 30s. We go out to dinner every so often to catch up. When the server asks how the check should be split, Logan quickly says to put it all on one check -- and before I know it, he has already paid for both of our meals.

I have told him before that I'd like to pay for some of our meals or, at least, be allowed to pay for my own -- but his response is always that I'm young and in college and he is working.

I appreciate the gesture and his concern, but I feel a little insulted that someone would think I'm unable to take care of myself. It also makes me feel a little guilty when he always grabs the check. Is there something I can do to assuage my conscience without insulting my friend? -- YOUNG, BUT NOT PENNILESS, CIRCLEVILLE, OHIO

DEAR NOT PENNILESS: Before you go out with Logan again, explain that while you appreciate his generosity, you would prefer that he allow you to pick up the check for two reasons: one, because you are financially able to do so, and two, because the situation is making you uncomfortable.

Alternatively, when you and Logan are seated, rather than waiting for the server to ask how the check should be divided, instruct the server that the check is to be given to you.

DEAR ABBY: I have had several recent experiences of needing to grab only a few items and quickly check out of a store, only to find the express lane -- which is supposed to be for shoppers with 10 items or less -- occupied by someone with an entire cartload of items.

What is the proper etiquette in this situation? Should I say nothing and allow my time to be wasted by people who think they are entitled? Should I mention it to the store manager or say something to the cashier in the presence of the offender?

Should I bite my lip or bring it to someone's attention? As a former cashier, I feel it is the responsibility of the cashier working the express lane to regulate who comes into it, but the cashiers seem oblivious or apathetic. -- FRUSTRATED SHOPPER IN IDAHO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I agree that it should be the responsibility of the cashier to enforce the rules -- and where I live, many of them do it effectively. However, because those in the store you patronize are unwilling to risk confrontation, mention your frustration to the manager. It is possible that the cashiers need more training.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old with a serious problem. I don't trust my parents. I doubt I ever will. I just can't tell them things. I end up praying to my dead grandpa -- that's OK, but he doesn't give me any answers.

I trust my sister more than I could ever trust Mom or Dad. It feels wrong sometimes. I don't like to be around people. I have no way of knowing whether I can trust them. There is part of my life that only my sister knows about.

I feel bad about not trusting my parents. Is there any solution to this problem? Should I talk to them about it? -- NO TRUST IN PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR NO TRUST: I am concerned for you, and I hope you will take what I say seriously. Your parents brought you into this world and are there to protect you. Confiding in your sister is a good thing, but if you are in trouble -- and I suspect you may be -- she may not be experienced enough to give you the guidance you need.

If you want things to get better, it is very important that you tell your parents or some other adult who is close to you -- a relative or school counselor -- what has caused you to lose trust in people. That in itself will be a giant first step in solving your problem because you need more help than you can get in a letter.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently given a gift that I have reason to believe was made from stolen materials, on company premises, using stolen time. The item is of a religious nature, although the business itself is in the field of manufacturing.

The person who gave me the gift is aware that I value integrity and honesty above all things. I wonder if he is trying to challenge my principles.

At any rate, I'm at a loss as to what to do with the gift. I do not feel comfortable keeping it, but for reasons of family harmony cannot return it. Any suggestions? -- ROLE MODEL IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ROLE MODEL: In a non-confrontational way, ask the person who gave you the gift how it was made or acquired. Then, if you feel you have accepted stolen property, return it to the giver and explain why. By doing so you will demonstrate that you don't give in to temptation when presented with an ethical challenge, and it may be an important lesson to someone who may need to hear it.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother moved from the East Coast to Wyoming 20 years ago, which put him in a different time zone -- two hours behind me. He died in June of last year.

I am planning to get a tattoo memorializing the date and time of my brother's passing, but have reached a dilemma. My brother died June 12 at 11 p.m. in Wyoming, but it was 1 a.m. June 13 here in Connecticut.

Which date should I use? I have asked friends who say I should go with what feels right to me, but others have told me to use the date on his death certificate. Which is correct? -- DAY LATE AND TWO HOURS SHORT

DEAR DAY LATE: The date on your brother's death certificate. However, tattoos are very personal, and if you choose to use the time and date in Connecticut of his passing, no one should criticize you for it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old, attractive, recently divorced attorney and single mother. My problem is I become extremely threatened when I'm romantically rejected, and I need to know how to gain a healthier approach to rejection.

I have dated occasionally, but nothing has developed into anything serious because I have yet to find someone with whom I feel completely compatible. However, when I start dating someone and he doesn't feel the same, it negatively affects my self-esteem. I feel and act depressed, and then I begin feeling insecure, anxious and irrational.

I recently drove someone away because when he didn't call me one night, I went wild with anger and anxiety. I realize this heightened response is not normal. It is also quite painful. Frankly, the intensity of my feelings frightened me, and I'm at a loss about how to handle it.

How can I get over feeling so insecure in relationships so rejection won't damage and disrupt my sense of self? -- DISCOMBOBULATED IN BROOKLYN

DEAR DISCOMBOBULATED: May I remind you that the process of dating is like sifting for gold for everyone involved. It can take a lot of effort and sifting before you finally strike the mother lode. When it comes to dating, I know of few things that are more of a turn-off than a woman -- or a man -- who has the word "needy" stamped on her (or his) forehead.

If you felt good about yourself, you would not be so dependent upon these men for validation. Your intense, angry and anxious reactions when a man doesn't call may be related to your divorce -- or they may stem from earlier insecurities you brought into your marriage. Unless you develop confidence about your self-worth, your relationships with men won't change.

Please give this some thought -- and if you agree that I'm on the right track, consider consulting a psychologist who can help you develop some tools for emotional independence. Once you have achieved it, your odds of meeting "Mr. Right" will be much better.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to defer right-of-way to an ambulance or other emergency vehicle? I drive on a two-lane highway to and from work every day, and have had a couple of close calls recently with drivers in front of me slamming on their brakes and stopping in the roadway while waiting for an emergency vehicle to go by.

I was always taught that if an emergency vehicle is behind you, to pull as far to the right side of the road as possible and allow the vehicle to pass on your left. But what do you do when it's going in the other direction? Surely stopping in the road is not the answer. Please set me and my fellow commuters straight. In the meantime, I'll be ... SLAMMING ON THE BRAKES IN ALABAMA

DEAR SLAMMING: I, too, was taught that when an emergency vehicle with a flashing light and a siren approaches from either direction that all drivers should move as far to the right as possible. This will allow the emergency vehicle access to the middle of the road, if necessary. Simply slamming on one's brakes is not enough. It can cause gridlock and bring the emergency vehicle to a stop, resulting in loss of property or even someone's life.