DEAR ABBY: When my husband, "Wyatt," and I first started dating, we both had jobs. Because I am a teacher, my workday ended about two hours before his, allowing me some much-needed time alone before he came home.

Just before our wedding three months ago, Wyatt was laid off, and he has not been able to find another job. Although he is in school part-time, he is always in the house when I return from work.

Abby, I have no time for myself! All day I work with my students, and all evening I am with Wyatt. I have tried to explain to him that I need a little time to unwind when I first get home, but he always finds some reason to stick his head in and chat while I'm reading or taking a bath. I desperately need some alone time. I love my husband dearly, but how can I tell him I need an hour away from him? -- PRIVACY PLEASE IN N.C.

DEAR P.P.: You are not the only spouse -- of either sex -- who needs some alone time to quietly transition from workday to home life. Explain this again to your husband, and do it just the way you have explained it to me. Unless you speak up, one of these days he will interrupt you, and you will erupt -- which isn't fair to him.

If he STILL doesn't get the message, start jogging after work -- for about an hour.

DEAR ABBY: I am co-hosting a baby shower for a friend. I do not know the other hostess well. She is insisting on serving alcohol at the shower because many of the mommy-to-be's friends like to drink, and she says "it will provide some 'class' to the shower." I disagree.

I'm not a prude, and I do drink occasionally, but I think it is inappropriate to serve alcohol at a baby shower -- especially when the guest of honor can't partake. Am I justified in stating my disapproval? And would it be OK for me to decline to contribute financially toward that shower expense? -- NOT A PRUDE IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR NOT A PRUDE: Nowhere have I seen it written that in order for a baby shower to be "classy," alcohol must be served. You are certainly within your rights to air your feelings on this subject. The point you are making is a valid one. And if your co-hostess wants to go ahead and serve alcohol at the shower, you are under no obligation to help her foot the bill.

DEAR ABBY: I was able to retire while I was in my mid-50s, after teaching for 33 years. Since then, I have been traveling as often as possible and volunteering on a regular basis.

Sometimes in these situations I find myself with a group of people older than I am. When I am asked my age, which I don't mind, the response I get is, "Oh, you're just a pup!" Because I am chronologically younger than most of the group shouldn't automatically discount or invalidate me.

How can I respond to these comments nicely, yet make the point that I also have something to offer regardless of my age? -- AGELESS PUP IN ARVADA, COLO.

DEAR AGELESS PUP: First of all, stop being so defensive. When someone calls you a "young pup," just laugh and say, "If you think I'm a young pup, you're barking up the wrong tree!"

DEAR READERS: Among the questions I am frequently asked is, "Do you ever get letters that have been made up, and can you tell when someone has indulged in 'creative writing'?" The answer is yes, and today, in honor of April Fools' Day, I'll share a few. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My beloved mother used to sleep in the nude, rest her soul. Well, one night we were woken up by relatives at our front door. Needless to say, it gave her a massive heart attack. She thought it was OK to be nude at 81, but after getting caught that way, it was too much for her to handle, and she croaked!

I, however, still sleep in the nude and practice witchcraft in my birthday suit, too. While I was out in the woods one night, I ran smack dab into a deer. He stared me down as if he was looking at headlights. I was so embarrassed getting caught that I quickly climbed a tree.

Luckily, I had my cell phone with me, so I dialed 911, and the entire police department came to my rescue. To top it off, my picture was on the front page of the newspaper with a nice story line to go with it. Talk about embarrassing ... I'll probably never go nude again. -- NAKED WITCH IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR NAKED WITCH: What did the headline read -- "Deer Trees Em-bare-assed Witch"? Please write back and let me know. And when you do, be sure to mention where you were carrying that cell phone and whether you have recovered from the trauma.

DEAR ABBY: I was adopted by Elizabeth Taylor before she became famous. It was in the early '60s. I was 3 when I was kidnapped from her and taken to Washington, D.C., then to New York and Texas.

Now, 39 years later, while incarcerated for DUI, I recall the events of my life before I came to Texas. Now I ask to be reunited with my adopted mother, Ms. Elizabeth Taylor. I had her address years ago -- she gave it to me -- but I received a head injury and forgot about it. Please see if you can reunite us so that I can relocate to California. -- WANTS TO MOVE WEST FROM TEXAS

DEAR WANTS TO MOVE: Elizabeth Taylor has had a storied career since becoming an international star at age 12, after appearing in the film "National Velvet" in 1944. Her life has been filled with many triumphs and tragedies -- none too minute to be overlooked by the world media.

I am sure she'll be as shocked as I am to learn that she had an adopted son who was spirited away at age 3. If she is interested in learning more, she is welcome to contact me, and I will give her your information. Until then, I'm afraid you will have to pay your OWN way to California.

DEAR ABBY: I want you to know I enjoy reading your column daily. It's the only thing my cellmates and I look forward to besides the bread pudding.

My question: I'm a middle-aged, penniless federal prisoner. I am also fat and bald. What are my chances of finding true love in the "real" world?

I subscribe to all the relevant magazines to better myself -- i.e. People, US, GQ and stuff. I know I'd make a great companion because I have read how to make quiche and sew. I have also learned not to ask a woman for sex until the third date (the August 2007 edition of Bizarre magazine).

I promise not to drink every day, and I'd take Sundays off -- besides, it's NASCAR day. I promise to keep the toilet seat down and listen to a woman's needs as long as she's standing in front of the stove.

I think that once I'm released, I will make a great companion. What do you think? -- OUT IN 24 MONTHS

DEAR STILL SERVING: I'll be waiting at the gate. In the meantime, I'm signing you up for a two-year subscription to Ms. magazine -- April Fool!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about your response to "John in Savannah" (Feb. 1), the 24-year-old man who is unsure how to explain to people that using a belt to discipline his three little girls is different from abuse.

Sometimes, in order to teach that actions or behaviors are inappropriate, some form of punishment, whether it's a spanking or a time-out, becomes necessary. I give my children three chances when they misbehave. If they continue, they are punished. They know that there will be consequences if they do wrong. Like John's children, mine are also frequently praised for being courteous and well-behaved.

Small children do not understand long-term punishment like grounding, taking away toys, etc. By the time the duration of that kind of discipline has passed, the child has forgotten the reason for it. For young children to understand the consequences of wrong behavior, the measures must be swift and short-term.

John should answer those who ask by saying he uses "consistent discipline accompanied by corporal punishment when necessary." If more parents did the same as John and me, we'd have fewer behavior problems in schools. -- MOM IN CONTROL IN GAINESVILLE

DEAR MOM IN CONTROL: Thank you for commenting. However, I stand by my position that there are more effective ways to discipline a child than by using physical punishment. After printing "John in Savannah's" letter, I was flooded with mail from parents and adult children across the country. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Are John's children obeying because they are making good choices or because they are afraid of the belt? Also, does he realize how badly he is hurting his children, both physically and emotionally? When you strike someone with an object, you have no idea how hard you are really hitting. Also, the humiliation of being beaten could last those kids a lifetime.

Honestly, it takes more effort to come up with corrections other than spanking, but it is well worth it. We post our family rules and their consequences in plain view. Part of my son's allowance depends upon making good choices at home and at school. And yes -- it does work. My son just brought home his report card with excellent marks for conduct. -- POSITIVELY REINFORCING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: I think a little "old-fashioned discipline" is in order. I am a preschool teacher, and I am appalled at what the 2- and 3-year-olds do and say. Swearing, hitting and disrespect are only a sampling of the things that have made my jaw drop. Time-outs, revocations of privileges and "talks" are laughed at, and the bad behavior is not curbed.

Parents allow their children to get away with things my mom would have screamed at me for, and we teachers get the fallout. My experiences as a baby sitter for older kids were much the same. Should we be "nice" to our children so they can grow up without boundaries? I think not. -- SACRAMENTO EDUCATOR

DEAR ABBY: My father used a leather slipper on me instead of a belt. He also used his hand and his impressive vocabulary to keep me in line. Was I afraid of him? Absolutely! Did I love him? I am still not sure. I grew up to be a woman who is afraid of men, afraid of making a mistake, afraid to share myself and my ideas, and generally timid about life.

John's daughters are learning that the way men in their lives show love is to beat them. He is setting his girls up to marry an abuser because they think abuse is normal behavior. I hope John realizes soon that fear and love cannot share the same space in a child's heart. -- SURVIVOR FROM NEW HAMPSHIRE