DEAR READERS: Among the questions I am frequently asked is, "Do you ever get letters that have been made up, and can you tell when someone has indulged in 'creative writing'?" The answer is yes, and today, in honor of April Fools' Day, I'll share a few. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My beloved mother used to sleep in the nude, rest her soul. Well, one night we were woken up by relatives at our front door. Needless to say, it gave her a massive heart attack. She thought it was OK to be nude at 81, but after getting caught that way, it was too much for her to handle, and she croaked!

I, however, still sleep in the nude and practice witchcraft in my birthday suit, too. While I was out in the woods one night, I ran smack dab into a deer. He stared me down as if he was looking at headlights. I was so embarrassed getting caught that I quickly climbed a tree.

Luckily, I had my cell phone with me, so I dialed 911, and the entire police department came to my rescue. To top it off, my picture was on the front page of the newspaper with a nice story line to go with it. Talk about embarrassing ... I'll probably never go nude again. -- NAKED WITCH IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR NAKED WITCH: What did the headline read -- "Deer Trees Em-bare-assed Witch"? Please write back and let me know. And when you do, be sure to mention where you were carrying that cell phone and whether you have recovered from the trauma.

DEAR ABBY: I was adopted by Elizabeth Taylor before she became famous. It was in the early '60s. I was 3 when I was kidnapped from her and taken to Washington, D.C., then to New York and Texas.

Now, 39 years later, while incarcerated for DUI, I recall the events of my life before I came to Texas. Now I ask to be reunited with my adopted mother, Ms. Elizabeth Taylor. I had her address years ago -- she gave it to me -- but I received a head injury and forgot about it. Please see if you can reunite us so that I can relocate to California. -- WANTS TO MOVE WEST FROM TEXAS

DEAR WANTS TO MOVE: Elizabeth Taylor has had a storied career since becoming an international star at age 12, after appearing in the film "National Velvet" in 1944. Her life has been filled with many triumphs and tragedies -- none too minute to be overlooked by the world media.

I am sure she'll be as shocked as I am to learn that she had an adopted son who was spirited away at age 3. If she is interested in learning more, she is welcome to contact me, and I will give her your information. Until then, I'm afraid you will have to pay your OWN way to California.

DEAR ABBY: I want you to know I enjoy reading your column daily. It's the only thing my cellmates and I look forward to besides the bread pudding.

My question: I'm a middle-aged, penniless federal prisoner. I am also fat and bald. What are my chances of finding true love in the "real" world?

I subscribe to all the relevant magazines to better myself -- i.e. People, US, GQ and stuff. I know I'd make a great companion because I have read how to make quiche and sew. I have also learned not to ask a woman for sex until the third date (the August 2007 edition of Bizarre magazine).

I promise not to drink every day, and I'd take Sundays off -- besides, it's NASCAR day. I promise to keep the toilet seat down and listen to a woman's needs as long as she's standing in front of the stove.

I think that once I'm released, I will make a great companion. What do you think? -- OUT IN 24 MONTHS

DEAR STILL SERVING: I'll be waiting at the gate. In the meantime, I'm signing you up for a two-year subscription to Ms. magazine -- April Fool!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about your response to "John in Savannah" (Feb. 1), the 24-year-old man who is unsure how to explain to people that using a belt to discipline his three little girls is different from abuse.

Sometimes, in order to teach that actions or behaviors are inappropriate, some form of punishment, whether it's a spanking or a time-out, becomes necessary. I give my children three chances when they misbehave. If they continue, they are punished. They know that there will be consequences if they do wrong. Like John's children, mine are also frequently praised for being courteous and well-behaved.

Small children do not understand long-term punishment like grounding, taking away toys, etc. By the time the duration of that kind of discipline has passed, the child has forgotten the reason for it. For young children to understand the consequences of wrong behavior, the measures must be swift and short-term.

John should answer those who ask by saying he uses "consistent discipline accompanied by corporal punishment when necessary." If more parents did the same as John and me, we'd have fewer behavior problems in schools. -- MOM IN CONTROL IN GAINESVILLE

DEAR MOM IN CONTROL: Thank you for commenting. However, I stand by my position that there are more effective ways to discipline a child than by using physical punishment. After printing "John in Savannah's" letter, I was flooded with mail from parents and adult children across the country. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Are John's children obeying because they are making good choices or because they are afraid of the belt? Also, does he realize how badly he is hurting his children, both physically and emotionally? When you strike someone with an object, you have no idea how hard you are really hitting. Also, the humiliation of being beaten could last those kids a lifetime.

Honestly, it takes more effort to come up with corrections other than spanking, but it is well worth it. We post our family rules and their consequences in plain view. Part of my son's allowance depends upon making good choices at home and at school. And yes -- it does work. My son just brought home his report card with excellent marks for conduct. -- POSITIVELY REINFORCING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: I think a little "old-fashioned discipline" is in order. I am a preschool teacher, and I am appalled at what the 2- and 3-year-olds do and say. Swearing, hitting and disrespect are only a sampling of the things that have made my jaw drop. Time-outs, revocations of privileges and "talks" are laughed at, and the bad behavior is not curbed.

Parents allow their children to get away with things my mom would have screamed at me for, and we teachers get the fallout. My experiences as a baby sitter for older kids were much the same. Should we be "nice" to our children so they can grow up without boundaries? I think not. -- SACRAMENTO EDUCATOR

DEAR ABBY: My father used a leather slipper on me instead of a belt. He also used his hand and his impressive vocabulary to keep me in line. Was I afraid of him? Absolutely! Did I love him? I am still not sure. I grew up to be a woman who is afraid of men, afraid of making a mistake, afraid to share myself and my ideas, and generally timid about life.

John's daughters are learning that the way men in their lives show love is to beat them. He is setting his girls up to marry an abuser because they think abuse is normal behavior. I hope John realizes soon that fear and love cannot share the same space in a child's heart. -- SURVIVOR FROM NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR ABBY: Please allow me to share some hard-earned advice with your readers. The custom of making donations to a charity in honor of a loved one is common practice nowadays. Although I wholeheartedly support the idea, there can be "problems."

I have learned the hard way to always send a sympathy card to the family, indicating that I made the donation. A close friend's mother passed away, and I made a contribution to her favorite charity clearly indicating on the check "in memory of."

After six months of not receiving an acknowledgement, I politely asked my friend how many donations had been made in her mom's memory. Her answer was "none." When I explained to her that I had sent a donation and so had many other people, she phoned the charity. Their answer was, "Sorry, we forgot to mail out the list"!

On another occasion a relative informed me that my name wasn't on the list of donors. I told her to call the organization back because I had a canceled check. When she did, they informed her that the entire list hadn't printed out correctly. -- LESSON LEARNED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LESSON LEARNED: Thank you for writing. I'm sure your letter will raise some eyebrows. Readers, if you follow this advice, it could prevent some misunderstandings and hurt feelings, so file this information in your memory banks.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Rollie," and I have an issue regarding his ex-wife, "Flora." She lives seven hours from us in the same city as their grown children. Rollie sometimes goes without me to spend time with the boys. I don't have a problem with not being included on these trips because I know my husband misses his sons and wants to spend "guy time" with them.

My issue is Rollie is too cheap to pay for a hotel -- although we do have the money -- so he stays with Flora. I don't consider myself a prude, but I find this unacceptable.

Can you give me your view? Supposedly, at least one of the "boys" is staying there, too. -- THE CURRENT MRS. IN JAMESTOWN, N.Y.

DEAR CURRENT MRS.: I can see both sides of this question. Rollie loves his money and you love Rollie, and his staying with his ex is a gut-level threat, whether real or imagined. Out of respect for your feelings, your husband should stay with one of his grown sons when he goes to visit. That way, he won't have to shell out any money, and you won't have to worry about appearances.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14, just got my first boyfriend, and I don't know how to tell my mom. I don't want to ask my friends because I don't want them to know that I haven't told my mom yet. She can be overprotective sometimes, and I'm afraid she will go crazy because her one and only daughter has her first boyfriend. I feel guilty because I don't want to lie and not tell her about him. Please help. -- DESPERATE IN LONGVIEW, TEXAS

DEAR DESPERATE: Many people your age see each other in groups. If the young man isn't already a part of your group of friends, start including him. That way, your mother can meet and get to know him, and the concept that you might like each other won't be threatening to her. I agree that she must be told because you are at an age when a daughter should be able to tell her mother anything.