DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old male living what appears to be "the dream." I have completed my bachelor's degree, and I'm starting what will more than likely be a prosperous career. Still, something important is missing.

All my life I have always felt very isolated. Although I have been able to develop "friendships," the more I progress in life the more these friendships slip away.

I have been unsuccessful in finding a mate, and I am embarrassed to still be a virgin. Is there something horribly wrong with me that drives people away? -- LONELY GUY, MONTREAL, CANADA

DEAR LONELY GUY: I doubt it. You have accomplished a lot for someone your age, and the way you did it was by focusing your energies on your studies rather than your social skills. Now that you are starting your career, begin joining business-affiliated groups so you can widen your circle of acquaintances. This will help both your business and social lives -- which will eventually blend together.

Give yourself some time and please do not obsess about the virginity issue. I am sure you will meet someone who will accept and value you for the person you are, and the condition will resolve itself.

DEAR ABBY: I own a motorcycle, which is my only means of transportation. The other day I had a conversation with a stranger who "needed" to tell me about someone she knew who was paralyzed in a motorcycle crash. This isn't the first time I have had this conversation. It seems that almost everyone knows someone who was killed or maimed in a bike crash.

Abby, I know there is an increased risk of personal injury where motorcycles are concerned, and the thought of it happening to me isn't a pleasant one. But why do people insist on telling me these horror stories? How should I respond to such insensitive statements? -- LOW RIDER IN NEW YORK

DEAR LOW RIDER: Some of them may be trying to warn you, while others may simply enjoy telling horror stories. The way to handle it is to say, "Thank you for your concern."

Now I have a question for you: Why are you engaging in lengthy conversations with complete strangers?

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married a few weeks ago, and I hope you'll let me share with your readers what we did. Because we have both been married before, we didn't need any gifts from family and friends -- nor did we want a money tree.

Instead, we asked our guests to please bring nonperishable food items or a cash donation that would be given to our local food bank. A representative from the food bank was present to receive the food and donations.

Abby, the response was overwhelming! We had tables filled with food items. More than $600 in cash donations was given, and we are still receiving food and money to be forwarded to the food bank.

My husband and I feel truly blessed. God has been good to us, and we have been able to pass along those blessings to people who need help. I hope my letter will inspire others to assist their local community food banks in this unique way. -- BLESSED IN SOUTHERN OREGON

DEAR BLESSED: So do I because the need has never been greater. Here in Los Angeles, the people who run the food banks are reporting that requests for food assistance have increased by as much as 41 percent in the past year. What you and your husband did was caring and generous, and I, too, hope it will be replicated.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl in high school. My family does not have a lot of money, but a lot of my friends' families do. (We have some money, but it's only enough to get by.) When my friends come to school with new clothes or concert tickets, I feel resentful because I can't afford them. I constantly compare myself to other girls and feel jealous of everyone around me. Is there anything I can do to combat this? -- JEALOUS OF EVERYONE IN UPSTATE NEW YORK

DEAR JEALOUS: I can think of few things so self-defeating as constantly comparing oneself to other people. No matter what income bracket a person is in, there will always be individuals who have more. Your worth as a person has nothing to do with what's in your closet, what's on your back or whether you can afford concert tickets.

One way to start feeling better about yourself would be to make a list of the qualities that make you special. You are obviously intelligent. Are you also a loyal friend? Are you sensitive to the feelings of other people? These important qualities will outlast any fashion fad -- and the popularity of most music groups, too. The more time you spend dwelling on the important qualities you have, the less time you'll waste being preoccupied with the material things you don't.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with a terrible secret for the past five years. I don't love my older son. He is very difficult and has been since infancy. Don't get me wrong -- I'd jump in front of a bus to save him -- but I don't like him.

I have a degree in psychology and have taught child development. I have taken parenting classes and read every book that's available on hard-to-manage children. But I have yet to find something that can help me, and I feel terribly alone. My husband tries, but he doesn't understand what it's like because he is mostly at work.

I am involved in parenting groups, playgroups, etc., but the other mothers all seem to be doing everything "better" than I am, and I have never heard any other mom admit to having negative feelings toward her kid.

What makes it worse is I adore my younger son and feel a special bond with him. I know this must be awful for the older boy because I'm sure he senses it, no matter how hard I try to hide it. But I don't know how to change what I feel. Abby, how can I change things? I desperately want to be the kind of mother my son deserves. -- ASHAMED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ASHAMED: Nowhere in your letter did you mention that you have taken your older son to a child psychiatrist for any sort of an evaluation. Children who are "very difficult" can sometimes have a physical or psychological disorder. There may even be a support group for you comprised of other parents who are experiencing the same feelings that you have.

It is important that you seek professional help for both of you. Your son may have a disorder, but until you find out the cause of the behavior that makes him "unlovable," there will be no help for either of you.

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Gloria" for two years. We met at work, hit it off immediately and became close friends. I love her dearly, and I'm devastated by what's happening to her. Gloria is dying of AIDS and now has a rare brain infection that has caused her to lose most of her faculties. She goes in and out of dementia, and her prognosis is two months.

I have been by Gloria's side so frequently that her family has "adopted" me. I help with her care and am the only one of her friends and co-workers who has visited since she took this turn.

My problem is, since I have been around Gloria's family, I have learned that nearly everything she has ever told me is untrue. She has flat-out lied about many things -- big and small -- that weren't even necessary to lie about. I feel like I don't know my friend at all and never did.

As sad as I am to see Gloria suffering and dying, I am hurt and angry that I was repeatedly deceived by someone I thought was my friend. I keep telling myself it shouldn't matter now, but the more the truth comes out, the harder it is for me to go over there and help.

How can I get past this, forgive Gloria and get back to the business of helping her in her final weeks? -- WOUNDED IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR WOUNDED: People lie for many reasons. Some of them do it because they are ashamed to tell the truth. Others lie out of fear or to gain an advantage, and some people do it because they can't help themselves. But somewhere in the tapestry of lies that this poor woman wove is a part of her authentic self. It is the part that made you identify with her in the first place.

What you are doing for Gloria now is both generous and emotionally wrenching. You do not deserve the "payoff" for your efforts to be spending the rest of your life resenting her for her shortcomings. You are giving her one of the most important gifts a person can give to another, but it is one that you are also giving to yourself. If you remember that, you will have no regrets.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is a widow living on a fixed income. From time to time various relatives have moved in with her. They offer limited financial assistance, but none appear inclined to keep the house in good repair.

I have gone beyond my financial limits to help Mama with emergencies, such as paying the light bill and making repairs to her house. My husband and I also clean up and do yard work over there. I am not an only child, but my siblings do not feel inclined to help out.

Yesterday, Mama again asked me for financial help to make repairs to the house. Did I mention there are four other people living there? While I never resent helping my mother, I sometimes do resent struggling to pay for upkeep and repairs to a home while other able-bodied adults living there benefit from my hard work. They are freeloading off my generosity.

Should I continue paying for my mother's house and mine? I have offered several times to let her move in with me, but she can't bear to give up her home. -- FEELING USED IN GEORGIA

DEAR FEELING USED: It's time for you to have a heart-to-heart talk with your mother and your siblings and explain that you are no longer willing to shoulder this responsibility all by yourself. Tell her that if she's going to receive further help from you, she must either inform her "houseguests" they must pony up and contribute financially and with the chores, or allow you to tell them on her behalf. You are all adults, and it's time that everyone started acting like it. Please understand that unless you are willing to draw the line, nothing will change.