DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl and desperate for advice. My parents' fighting has gotten out of control lately. It got so bad one evening that my mom, my sisters and I had to leave for the night.

I should also mention that my dad is abusive, so I fear for my life when I'm getting yelled at by him. I do not feel safe living with him near me. Call me crazy, but I can't trust my own dad. He has hurt my mom, my sisters and me so badly that I have begun to cut myself trying to heal the pain, but it only makes things worse.

I have tried talking to friends or a counselor, but I didn't like it. I am independent. I like doing things for myself. I am not comfortable talking about my feelings. What can I do to protect my family? -- TRYING TO COPE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR TRYING TO COPE: As much as you might wish to, there is nothing you can do to protect your family from an abusive bully. That is your mother's job. Because it appears she is unable to calm your father or successfully assert herself, the person you must protect is yourself.

Because your father sometimes becomes violent, suggest to your mother that she contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Their toll-free phone number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). The counselors can help her assess whether she needs to get you all out of there to ensure your safety.

While I respect your desire to be independent, please understand that some problems need to be discussed with a licensed professional in order to be resolved. Cutting to relieve depression is one of them. That is why it is extremely important that you make the effort to talk to a counselor at school if one is provided, because it may take professional help for you to stop self-injuring.

DEAR ABBY: My husband recently caught a cold, and he has been coughing badly. Other than the cough, he is in good shape and not feverish.

Last night his coughing woke me up three times. The first time, I went back to sleep. The second time, I asked him to sleep somewhere else so he wouldn't wake me up, and the third time, I got up and slept on the couch.

We disagree on who should have left the room. He says he was sick, so he was right to stay in bed. I say he was the one who couldn't sleep and, therefore, he should've left the room. I know when I can't sleep, I usually leave the room so I won't disturb him.

Abby, we have a 20-month-old son who regularly wakes me up at night, and I'm usually the one who gets up for him. I get less than six hours' sleep a night -- and that's when my son sleeps well. I think my husband was selfish in disturbing my sleep when he could have left the room and returned to bed when his cough subsided. Am I wrong? -- SLEEPLESS IN MONTREAL

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Coughing is a reflex, and your husband may not have been able to stifle or control it. Rather than arguing about this, my advice to you is to arrange to sleep in another room until he's over the cough. That way you can get the sleep you need.

P.S. A bad cough is nothing to sneeze at.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Heidi," is 17 and pregnant. She is going to an alternative high school and doing well. My daughter is proactive about her pregnancy and excited about the new baby. This will be my first grandchild, and I am excited too.

My problem is, when I express my joy, others act like I am crazy for being happy. At a baptism in church, I told my husband how happy I will be when our grandson is baptized and that I can't wait until he's born. He responded that he is not excited at all because of the expense and upheaval this new addition will cause.

I know there will be hardships with a new baby. We don't have much room in our house, and a new member will bring some burden. I do not have my head in the clouds -- but when I see the ultrasound image and hear that heartbeat, I am filled with joy.

Am I wrong to be happy? And if not, what can I say to people who tell me I am? -- PROUD ALMOST-GRANDMA

DEAR ALMOST: You are entitled to your happiness. However, please understand that unwed teen mothers and their children can face challenges, and this may be what people are alluding to when they seem to question your joy.

Frankly, I am troubled by the fact that nowhere in your letter have you mentioned how your daughter plans to raise her son, how she will provide for him, whether she plans to complete her education, what the involvement of the baby's father will be emotionally and financially, or whether she will need aid from the state. Nor have you mentioned what the impact of the new arrival will have on your marriage.

That's why, although your heart is filled with joy, you need to look ahead with your eyes wide open -- and that's what I am advising.

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 40 and single -- no children. My friend, "Amanda," is in her 20s. She has two beautiful children, ages 6 and 2, and spoils them with an overabundance of toys and by giving them whatever they want.

I wouldn't interfere, but "giving them what they want" includes allowing them to ride in her vehicle without wearing a safety belt or child restraints.

I love Amanda and her children dearly. They wear their safety belts when they are with me. I'm afraid their mother will get into an accident and one of the children will be severely injured or die.

How can I convince Amanda to keep her children safely restrained when traveling without coming across as a "know-it-all"? I don't want to alienate her, but I want her kids to be safe. -- CARING FRIEND, MOBERLY, MO.

DEAR CARING FRIEND: Tell her exactly what you have told me. I thought that by now all states had seatbelt and child safety laws in place. Contact the Department of Motor Vehicles and find out if yours is one of them.

Amanda may be a loving and generous mother, but in my opinion, she is guilty of child endangerment. There are worse things than hearing a child protest being buckled in. One of them is losing a child, or having him or her maimed for life because of parental negligence.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mike," and I have been married for 18 years, but for the last few we have been growing apart. Mike has recently expressed a desire to quit work and sail around the world. He bought an expensive sailboat, took lessons, and is teaching our kids to sail. I tried it, but I'm afraid of the water. I have, however, been supportive of my husband's dream.

I knew Mike was looking for a "crew" for the boat because he couldn't sail with just the kids. Today he told me he has found someone. This crew consists of a married woman and her two kids. Mike invited her to crew after she first asked her husband. He did not ask ME first. He simply announced he had found a competent sailor.

I expressed vehemently that I am against this. I have never met the woman or her kids, and I'm hurt that I wasn't consulted. Mike says he is hurt because I "don't trust him."

By the way, the sailboat is only 37 feet long, and they're planning their first two-week trip this fall. What do you think? -- LANDLOCKED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LANDLOCKED: I think you should start taking sailing lessons immediately. For the sake of your marriage, I advise you to remember that YOU are first mate, so haul anchor and get moving. If you think you and Mike are drifting apart now, it will be nothing compared to when he starts living his dream and sets sail without you.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I attended the funeral of my great-uncle "John." Afterward a reception luncheon was held for everyone who attended. The general atmosphere was like a family reunion, but under unfortunate circumstances.

Because it happened to be my cousin's 24th birthday, all of my aunts, uncles and cousins decided to sing "Happy Birthday" to her. I did not join in and later said something about it to my mother, who assured me that no one was being rude.

Abby, was it inappropriate to publicly celebrate the birth of one person while mourning the death of another? -- REFRAINED FROM THE CHORUS

DEAR REFRAINED: Some extended family get together only at weddings and funerals -- and you stated that the general atmosphere was like a "family reunion." If your great-uncle had been ill, it's possible that the family accepted that his death was a kind of release.

Funerals are for the living. Obviously the majority of your relatives wanted your cousin's birthday not to be forgotten. I respect that -- and so should you.

DEAR ABBY: It disgusts me to see dog owners take their dogs out for a walk on a leash for the sole purpose of letting them dirty someone else's lawn. To add insult to injury, my newspaper boy sometimes throws our paper on top of a heap of fresh delivery of these "jewels." This has continued even after my posting signs asking people not to walk their dogs on my property.

Is it too much to expect folks to be considerate of their neighbors and clean up after their pets? I'm sure I'm not alone with this annoying experience. -- DISGUSTED IN HOUSTON

DEAR DISGUSTED: You're not alone. The 11th Commandment should read: "It is the 'doo-ty' of conscientious pet owners to pick up after their dogs."