DEAR ABBY: I am so lonely. My husband refuses to communicate with me or do anything with me. The only outlet I have is work and school. I would like to end this misery, but I don't know where to begin. We have been married for 17 years. I have never been unfaithful to him, although I have thought about it -- not for the physical aspect, but for the communication. -- DESPERATE FOR SOMEONE TO TALK TO

DEAR DESPERATE: Has your marriage always been this way? When did this "great silence" begin? Most important, why have you tolerated an emotional "starvation diet" for so long?

If you think your marriage is worth saving, offer your husband the chance to repair it through marriage counseling -- but be prepared for it to take some time, because old habits are hard to break. If not, then accept the fact that you have suffered enough, and formalize the reality that you haven't really been married in a very long time.

DEAR ABBY: I am shy. I am by no means painfully shy, but I tend to be more of an observer when I first meet people. Once I'm comfortable I can open up and be myself. Sometimes it's only minutes, but other times I need to meet someone more than once. Many of my friends have told me their first impression of me was that I was extremely snotty. This is wrong. I'm a very kind person.

I have accepted this personality trait, but it may be interfering with my finding a job. I was recently laid off, and I'm applying for and interviewing for a new one. However, after numerous interviews I have not been invited back for a second one.

I work in public relations, where personality can be a key in hiring. I believe my shyness is hindering me from "wowing" potential employers. How can I overcome it and give a better first interview? -- WANTS TO BE HIRED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WANTS TO BE HIRED: Public relations is a form of sales, and in sales first impressions are essential. An interview is not a social situation, where you can look someone over and decide whether or not to open up. This is business, and if you're going to get hired you are going to have to sell yourself. So start working on your sales pitch. Tell potential employers what makes you the right person for the job.

Your friends and family can help you by role-playing practice interviews. Ask them to honestly critique you. If you have been working with a placement agency, discuss this with the person who has been sending you on these interviews. His or her input could also be helpful.

If this doesn't make your job search more successful, then perhaps it's time to extend your search into other fields besides public relations.

DEAR ABBY: Is there a polite response to the question, "How are you?" in situations when your life is horrible, but you would rather not talk about it (i.e., divorce)? -- DEVASTATED IN HIGHLAND, UTAH

DEAR DEVASTATED: If you would really prefer not to talk about "it," the response you should give is, "Fine, thanks -- and how are you?" This will deflect attention from yourself and onto the other person.

When you are ready to deal with follow-up questions, all you have to say is, "How am I? I've had better days!" And nine times out of 10 the person will pounce on the opening.

DEAR ABBY: I was sexually abused by my sister's boyfriend, "Teddy," three months ago. He is five years older than I am, and now I am pregnant.

I don't want to tell Teddy or my family because I am afraid of the consequences -- especially because he and my sister are getting married in three months. I don't want to ruin their marriage, but I can't keep this a secret much longer. I am starting to show.

Please help. I don't know what to do because Teddy is a respectable person and I know they won't believe me if I tell the truth. -- PREGNANT SISTER

DEAR SISTER: The first thing you must do is accept the fact that "respectable" men do not have sex -- coerced or otherwise -- with their fiancee's sister or any other woman, for that matter. For your own sake and that of your family, you must tell your parents what happened. If they are skeptical at first, assure them that a paternity test will prove that you are telling the truth.

If the sex was forced, "respectable Teddy" is guilty of rape. Even if you were willing, depending on your age, he may have committed statutory rape. Consider this: If your sister knew about this, would she still want to marry this heel? She HAS to be told the truth so she can make an informed decision.

DEAR ABBY: When I was still working and invited someone to join my wife and me for dinner, I always assumed I would pay because I was the one who did the inviting. Now that we're retired, we would like to suggest getting together with other couples, but it can get costly paying for four people.

Saying, "Let's go Dutch," sounds tacky. Is there an acceptable way to invite friends out and let them know we should each pay our own expenses? -- ON A BUDGET IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ON A BUDGET: The way this is usually handled is the couple who does the inviting pays for the dinner, and the guests reciprocate by picking up the tab for the next one. Alternatively, when the check arrives at the end of the meal, the couples, by mutual consent, split it.

Because your circumstances have changed, but the expectations may not have, the subject should be raised at the time the date is arranged by saying, "Because I'm retired now, I can't treat you the way I'd like -- but we'd love to see you." If they are real friends, they'll be glad to see you, too -- and the fact they are paying for their own food won't stop them.

DEAR ABBY: My wife often returns home late from work. I am not worried about where she is or what she's doing, but we have had numerous arguments about the common courtesy of calling if she knows she's going to be late.

I say if she will be more than a few minutes past the expected time, she should call or text me. She says that I know where she is, so it shouldn't be necessary. What say you, Abby? -- HAD IT IN HAWAII

DEAR HAD IT: Your wife's actions show a lack of consideration for your feelings. If she knows she will be late, she should contact you so you won't be stuck sitting around with your blood sugar levels sinking, and you can arrange to grab a snack or some dinner. And by the way, if she doesn't show up within 30 minutes of the expected time, nothing prevents you from calling her.

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to offer kudos to "Joe in Pennsylvania" (Dec. 31), who wrote that he prefers wearing skirts at home, on errands and at church. I grew up in southwestern Asia where skirts, sarongs and robes are common daily apparel for men. I have been somewhat surprised by the disapproving looks and downright hostility I have encountered in this country any time I have chosen to leave my home wearing anything other than pants.

I look forward to a day when more people in the USA recognize that pants are a relatively new phenomenon in the world. Men who prefer skirts as a mode of dress are not all weirdos or terrorists.

So, congratulations to Joe, who has not only the fortitude to wear what he pleases, but also to his family members, community and church members for respecting that choice. -- KARL, KILT SUPPORTER IN FLORIDA

DEAR KARL: I heard from men and women across the United States and beyond who wrote supporting Joe in his decision to wear skirts. Many of them suggested he contact Utilikilts, a company based in Seattle, which manufactures a line of kilts for the modern man. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: To Joe's jackass relatives who start rumors about him because he wears skirts for comfort, I have one word for him: "Utilikilt." They are made in all sorts of different styles and fabrics -- from work kilts to fancy dress kilts -- and they are male-specific. Plus he can then use my favorite kilt joke: "You know why they're called 'kilts'? Because if ye call 'em 'skirts,' ye'll be kilt." -- ANN FROM KANSAS CITY, MO.

DEAR ABBY: Three cheers to Joe and to you for your answer regarding his wearing skirts. While skirts may not be appropriate for riding a horse or motorcycle riding, they make perfect sense as casual attire, potentially even business attire.

I find it interesting that women have won the "right" to wear pants at will, and their sexuality is not questioned. However, when a man dons a skirt, his masculinity falls under suspicion, unless he's wearing a kilt and is involved in macho activities. Then the question most asked becomes, "What are you wearing under that?" My reply to that question is, "Do you ask that of women wearing skirts?" -- RAY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: I had a good laugh after reading the letter from Joe. My husband dresses exclusively in kilts throughout the summer, much of the winter and whenever he works for my designing business. If someone calls his kilt a skirt, he smiles and tells them, "It's only a skirt if I'm wearing pumps with it." A good chuckle generally diffuses any discomfort of bystanders.

Good luck, Joe. I hope you continue to set fashion rather than to follow it. -- A KILTER'S WIFE

DEAR ABBY: Someone should send Joe's family to American Samoa and see if they will still snicker at the men. We grow NFL linebackers here, and they all wear "skirts." The Samoan lavalava is a wraparound "skirt" worn by Polynesian men and hardly a girlish trend. -- AMUSED IN SAMOA

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a "skirt" wearer. They are called kilts. We actually receive more comments at church when he doesn't wear one and opts for pants instead.

A word of warning to the ladies, as a co-worker of my husband's has found out: Do NOT do a "kilt check." It is considered sexual harassment. -- JENNY FROM TEXAS