DEAR ABBY: I was sexually abused by my sister's boyfriend, "Teddy," three months ago. He is five years older than I am, and now I am pregnant.

I don't want to tell Teddy or my family because I am afraid of the consequences -- especially because he and my sister are getting married in three months. I don't want to ruin their marriage, but I can't keep this a secret much longer. I am starting to show.

Please help. I don't know what to do because Teddy is a respectable person and I know they won't believe me if I tell the truth. -- PREGNANT SISTER

DEAR SISTER: The first thing you must do is accept the fact that "respectable" men do not have sex -- coerced or otherwise -- with their fiancee's sister or any other woman, for that matter. For your own sake and that of your family, you must tell your parents what happened. If they are skeptical at first, assure them that a paternity test will prove that you are telling the truth.

If the sex was forced, "respectable Teddy" is guilty of rape. Even if you were willing, depending on your age, he may have committed statutory rape. Consider this: If your sister knew about this, would she still want to marry this heel? She HAS to be told the truth so she can make an informed decision.

DEAR ABBY: When I was still working and invited someone to join my wife and me for dinner, I always assumed I would pay because I was the one who did the inviting. Now that we're retired, we would like to suggest getting together with other couples, but it can get costly paying for four people.

Saying, "Let's go Dutch," sounds tacky. Is there an acceptable way to invite friends out and let them know we should each pay our own expenses? -- ON A BUDGET IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ON A BUDGET: The way this is usually handled is the couple who does the inviting pays for the dinner, and the guests reciprocate by picking up the tab for the next one. Alternatively, when the check arrives at the end of the meal, the couples, by mutual consent, split it.

Because your circumstances have changed, but the expectations may not have, the subject should be raised at the time the date is arranged by saying, "Because I'm retired now, I can't treat you the way I'd like -- but we'd love to see you." If they are real friends, they'll be glad to see you, too -- and the fact they are paying for their own food won't stop them.

DEAR ABBY: My wife often returns home late from work. I am not worried about where she is or what she's doing, but we have had numerous arguments about the common courtesy of calling if she knows she's going to be late.

I say if she will be more than a few minutes past the expected time, she should call or text me. She says that I know where she is, so it shouldn't be necessary. What say you, Abby? -- HAD IT IN HAWAII

DEAR HAD IT: Your wife's actions show a lack of consideration for your feelings. If she knows she will be late, she should contact you so you won't be stuck sitting around with your blood sugar levels sinking, and you can arrange to grab a snack or some dinner. And by the way, if she doesn't show up within 30 minutes of the expected time, nothing prevents you from calling her.

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to offer kudos to "Joe in Pennsylvania" (Dec. 31), who wrote that he prefers wearing skirts at home, on errands and at church. I grew up in southwestern Asia where skirts, sarongs and robes are common daily apparel for men. I have been somewhat surprised by the disapproving looks and downright hostility I have encountered in this country any time I have chosen to leave my home wearing anything other than pants.

I look forward to a day when more people in the USA recognize that pants are a relatively new phenomenon in the world. Men who prefer skirts as a mode of dress are not all weirdos or terrorists.

So, congratulations to Joe, who has not only the fortitude to wear what he pleases, but also to his family members, community and church members for respecting that choice. -- KARL, KILT SUPPORTER IN FLORIDA

DEAR KARL: I heard from men and women across the United States and beyond who wrote supporting Joe in his decision to wear skirts. Many of them suggested he contact Utilikilts, a company based in Seattle, which manufactures a line of kilts for the modern man. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: To Joe's jackass relatives who start rumors about him because he wears skirts for comfort, I have one word for him: "Utilikilt." They are made in all sorts of different styles and fabrics -- from work kilts to fancy dress kilts -- and they are male-specific. Plus he can then use my favorite kilt joke: "You know why they're called 'kilts'? Because if ye call 'em 'skirts,' ye'll be kilt." -- ANN FROM KANSAS CITY, MO.

DEAR ABBY: Three cheers to Joe and to you for your answer regarding his wearing skirts. While skirts may not be appropriate for riding a horse or motorcycle riding, they make perfect sense as casual attire, potentially even business attire.

I find it interesting that women have won the "right" to wear pants at will, and their sexuality is not questioned. However, when a man dons a skirt, his masculinity falls under suspicion, unless he's wearing a kilt and is involved in macho activities. Then the question most asked becomes, "What are you wearing under that?" My reply to that question is, "Do you ask that of women wearing skirts?" -- RAY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: I had a good laugh after reading the letter from Joe. My husband dresses exclusively in kilts throughout the summer, much of the winter and whenever he works for my designing business. If someone calls his kilt a skirt, he smiles and tells them, "It's only a skirt if I'm wearing pumps with it." A good chuckle generally diffuses any discomfort of bystanders.

Good luck, Joe. I hope you continue to set fashion rather than to follow it. -- A KILTER'S WIFE

DEAR ABBY: Someone should send Joe's family to American Samoa and see if they will still snicker at the men. We grow NFL linebackers here, and they all wear "skirts." The Samoan lavalava is a wraparound "skirt" worn by Polynesian men and hardly a girlish trend. -- AMUSED IN SAMOA

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a "skirt" wearer. They are called kilts. We actually receive more comments at church when he doesn't wear one and opts for pants instead.

A word of warning to the ladies, as a co-worker of my husband's has found out: Do NOT do a "kilt check." It is considered sexual harassment. -- JENNY FROM TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I am the "other woman." I never in a million years thought I'd be in this position. I had been divorced for several years. I should have run the other way once I learned that my lover was married, but I was lonely. I wanted to feel like a woman again -- someone a man found attractive and would like to spend time with.

Some things I have come to understand as the other woman: If husbands and wives treated each other as well as they do their best friends, there would be fewer affairs and cheating spouses. I don't consider myself a "mistress." There is no exchange of money, cars, jewels, furs and no condo or apartment for my use. Nor am I a home wrecker -- my lover's marriage is still intact. What do I get? A wonderful lover, best friend and someone who helps me out around my home.

We give each other our undivided attention when we're together. We make the most of every opportunity we have to enjoy each other's company. I can't imagine life without him. We please and give to each other during our lovemaking. I believe we came into each other's lives for a reason.

Please advise men and women to love each other even when it hurts. Don't let issues fester into sores. Make love with your spouse even if it's not your cup of tea. Sex is a glue that can keep your marriage together. This connection brings a closeness words cannot describe. Don't lose that with your spouse. You'll long to have it back one day.

The other woman is not evil, a tramp or a whore. You could be her one day. She's just someone who is as lonely as the man is. Tell wives to protect their marriage, to swallow their pride, admit there are issues that need resolving and work through them. And one more thing: Don't think you will never be in my shoes. -- THE OTHER WOMAN, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR OTHER WOMAN: That's good advice. Now allow me to offer some to you. I, too, believe your lover came into your life for a reason. He was bored, you were needy and both of you were vulnerable.

The times your lover steals to be with you are hours he should be spending with his family. The passion he devotes to you guarantees that his energies won't be spent working on his marital problems.

You may be "best friends," but when the chips are down where do you think your lover will be? With his wife, his family and his money, Honey. If you need a handyman, hire one. And now that you know what mistakes NOT to make in a relationship, find a man who can be 100 percent yours and pray he has more character than your lover does.

DEAR ABBY: How do I decline my girlfriend's request to be in the delivery room with her and her husband when she has her baby? I don't want to hurt her feelings. I will go with her to the hospital and wait in the waiting room, but I really don't want to see the show. -- SQUEAMISH IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR SQUEAMISH: Tell her the truth -- that you are honored to have been asked, but that you can't handle the sight of blood, and it would be better for all concerned if you stayed in the waiting room. And don't let her talk you out of it. At a special moment like this, the mother and baby should be the center of attention -- not the friend who fainted, hit the floor and needed medical attention.